To be disappointed with how soft play handled this man

[Playcomment]

I reported an inappropriate sexual comment made by another parent at a soft play area yesterday.

I was climbing down from one of the raised areas with my DS and didn’t realise he was climbing up. I said a polite sorry and he replied not to worry and that if he knew his £10 entry included him getting an arse in his face he would have visited months ago. I challenged him and then reported to staff.

The staff approached me 10/15 minutes later to say they’d spoken to him and he had admitted saying that but was ‘obviously joking’ and he relayed his apologies, so they considered the matter sorted.

Personally, I think he should have been asked to leave. He made me feel extremely uncomfortable and could have gone on to say similar to other parents present.

What’s the cut off age please? Just so I know whether something is a harmless joke or sexually inappropriate. Is it 20? 25? How about 18? 17? That’s not that far from 16 after all.

I think if it's not a sexual joke, then why is it inappropriate for him to say to a teenage girl? Please explain why this specific joke is appropriate to say to an adult woman, but not a teenage girl.

I didn’t dodge it at all, I literally said it would not be ok. But that isn’t what happened to OP which is why her replies are different. Not sure why you struggle to understand that.

How is it different? It's apparently not a sexual joke, so why isn't it okay to say to a teenage girl? What about an 18-year-old woman? Would that be okay?

Sorry OP, I thought it was funny!

Completely different story if he'd said it to someone younger, though.

What was different in OP's case?

Sorry, I would have laughed. It's quite funny. It was a comment that could have been delivered to a male or female and was general as in not referring to any of your personal features as everyone has an arse.

Context is everything but you seem unable to understand that.

Because she’s not a 16 year old girl, or a young teenage girl, or a child.

And what is that context, please? Why is it okay to (apparently non-sexually) tell OP that if he'd known he'd get an arse in his face (hers) he'd have paid £10 and gone there months ago, but not to tell an older teenage girl that? Considering it's not sexual, apparently.

So if she was 17? 18? 20? At what point is it okay? And why is it not okay if she's 16? After all, apparently it's not sexual...so what makes this joke fine to say to an older woman, but not fine to say to a 16-year-old (who incidentally, as I pointed out, is not precisely a child considering he can legally have sex with her, soooo....he can have sex with her, but not make a non-sexual joke with her? Hm...)

(To clarify, I also think it's gross that he could have sex with her. Ew.)

I'd have said: "You should see what you get for £15!"

But again, that's why I'm self-employed

I didn’t say the joke wasn’t sexual. But even so, anyone with common sense can understand some situations are different to others. Why are you using a child as an example rather than a 70 year old
woman?

OP was there as a parent of a toddler, the man was there likely as a parent of a younger child also. It was a clumsy joke in an awkward moment that was poorly received, that doesn’t mean he’s basically a pedophile making sex comments at children. You aren’t making OPs POV any stronger

Because things are considered appropriate or inappropriate depending on the audience - we have film ratings, for example, for this very reason. Mild lewd humour is not something the vast majority of grown adults would reach for the smelling salts over, whereas a teenager or child would be, presumably, far less resilient and far more self conscious and wouldn't have the maturity to laugh it off in the same way.

I suspect you're not actually asking to understand others' views but anyway, there it is.

Because I doubt he would've have made the comment to a 70-year-old woman, considering it was sexual in tone.

You're also very confused if you think that a man making that comment to a 16-year-old would be a paedophile.

I also chose that age as an example because despite the fact that legally speaking he could have sex and a relationship with that 16-year-old, it really clearly highlights just how inappropriate and invasive the comment is.

Ahhh, so you're saying a teenager won't yet be desensitised to low level sexual harassment, and trying to equate that desensitisation to 'maturity'?

You think that a woman's 'maturity' depends on her ability to smile and take it in stride as a man makes a very immature sexual joke about her?

How interesting.

Hardly warrants him being frogmarched off the premises, no.

Some people are too britlle.

Your first example was young teenager. You’ve raised the age almost every time you’ve mentioned it. Odd that you think he wouldn’t have said a sexual tone joke to a 70 year old but would to a child. Your mind is quite twisted on this subject. And it’s all pretty irrelevant because OP hasn’t said anything to suggest she’s a child or an OAP.

Careful, @OtterlyAstounding will spontaneously combust with self-righteous indignation

It was a joke, in poor taste maybe, but clearly just messing about. If you were that bothered, you could have spoken to him directly instead of scurrying off to tell on him. And don't say you were too intimidated in a soft play full of adults and children.

I'd have probably farted in his face from laughing.

Nope. I said 'young teenager' initially, and then immediately clarified with 16.

And I think you're the one who's all twisted up in knots, considering you just tried to say a man would be a paedophile if he made that joke to a 16-year-old...but that's alright. I've made my point.

I'm sure the men will appreciate your support of them in making sexual jokes.

Mock all you like - I'm a grown woman and I'm mature enough to shrug my shoulders at little digs and criticisms. I developed that ability around the same time I learned to take a joke.

A bloke would have said the same to a bloke and added a fart its not sexual