To be disappointed with how soft play handled this man

[Playcomment]

I reported an inappropriate sexual comment made by another parent at a soft play area yesterday.

I was climbing down from one of the raised areas with my DS and didn’t realise he was climbing up. I said a polite sorry and he replied not to worry and that if he knew his £10 entry included him getting an arse in his face he would have visited months ago. I challenged him and then reported to staff.

The staff approached me 10/15 minutes later to say they’d spoken to him and he had admitted saying that but was ‘obviously joking’ and he relayed his apologies, so they considered the matter sorted.

Personally, I think he should have been asked to leave. He made me feel extremely uncomfortable and could have gone on to say similar to other parents present.

Good grief. Poor chap will be scared to have a joke in case it is twisted into something gross by a ridiculous woman.

What did he say when you challenged him op that made you then go and report him?

Oh for gods sake 🤦🏻‍♀️ xx

I think his comment was quite generic. If he'd said "If I'd known I'd get such a great view of your arse..." or something that implied he was enjoying your discomfort, then I think it would have been inappropriate. But the poor chap was trying to put you at your ease, as you had inadvertently bummed him in the face and were apologising (presumably he and you were a bit embarrassed). It was just light-hearted, not personal to you, and you have massively overreacted and added to the "you can't say anything these days" narrative that undermines genuine sexual harassment claims.

Sorry it upset you op but I’d have laughed at this. It was a bit tongue in cheek yes and at a soft okay probably not the most appropriate environment if you want to go that deep but I personally would have found it harmless. That’s just it though, everyone has different boundaries and you have made yours clear which is perfectly fine but have to accept that others don’t which is why the staff didn’t ask him to leave.

And how would you have felt if he kicked off about you putting your ar*e in his face without his consent?
It was an akward situation he tried to make a joke, move on.

“The pick mes on this thread are very busy dick pandering”

Now, That is very offensive

Really! Jesus it was a joke. Trying to ruin a man’s life. You are making a mockery of real victims

How else do you think the patriarchy survives? Because women prop up what men have built.

Don’t be ridiculous. Most of us have the intelligence and common sense to distinguish between a harmless joke and inappropriate behaviour.

Ah, but it's only a joke 😉

I suppose you'd be fine with a 40-year-old man saying that to your young teenage daughter, then? That if he'd known he'd get her arse in his face for only £10, he'd have come months ago?

Jesus you are uptight!

Again, it wouldn’t be the same if he was saying it to a child would it. The two things are not comparable

Honestly, give me 100 arse jokes from men over one more woman spouting this trite pick-me, cool-girl, dick-pandering bullshit.

If you genuinely cannot understand that women are a diverse, varied, and heterogenous group who can reasonably hold multitudes of different views that do not happen to be the same as yours, then internalised misogyny has done a number on you.

I find it amusing that my comment saying that 'pick mes' were 'dick pandering' to be so vigorously excusing this man's sexual joke about a woman's arse, got deleted. Gosh, some people really are uptight, aren't they?

Your 16-year-old daughter. Would that be fine? After all, legally speaking, he could have sex with her if he wanted. And it's only a joke, right? Not even sexual, right?

Oh, I can understand that women have varying opinions. But I think that particular opinion (excusing men making sexual jokes) is dripping with misogyny.

It's nice to know you'd be fine with a man saying that to your 16-year-old daughter, though. As it's only a joke.

That would be a kid in soft play, the situation would be totally different, it obviously wouldn’t be fine. That isn’t what happened here, the woman was a fully grown adult, and another adult made a joke.

Obviously, that’s a completely different scenario. Can’t you comprehend that?

Do you think there are any differences between a 16 year old girl and a grown woman? Any at all?

It’s a joke and making light of an awkward moment. Sometimes you can just laugh and get on with your day.

A couple years ago when my sister was 25 we were all on holiday and she went up on one of the water slides and the small child in front of her changed their mind about taking the slide and turned round to go back down the steps so my sister went instead and flew off it into the open waiting arms of a male OAP who was expecting it to be his granddaughter. There were many jokes made that alleviated embarrassment on both sides and that was it.

Don't dodge it. If your 16-year-old daughter (or even 18-year-old), of an age where it would be entirely legal for this middle-aged man to have sex with her, took her younger siblings to soft play, he said this to her, and she reacted the way OP did, would you tell her to calm down, it was just a joke? Or would you then suddenly realise how inappropriate it is?

Would a woman uave said the same 8n 5he same situation? Probably...then its not unacceptable and 8 think your being ott to not laugh it off.