To be disappointed with how soft play handled this man

[Playcomment]

I reported an inappropriate sexual comment made by another parent at a soft play area yesterday.

I was climbing down from one of the raised areas with my DS and didn’t realise he was climbing up. I said a polite sorry and he replied not to worry and that if he knew his £10 entry included him getting an arse in his face he would have visited months ago. I challenged him and then reported to staff.

The staff approached me 10/15 minutes later to say they’d spoken to him and he had admitted saying that but was ‘obviously joking’ and he relayed his apologies, so they considered the matter sorted.

Personally, I think he should have been asked to leave. He made me feel extremely uncomfortable and could have gone on to say similar to other parents present.

He made a joke to an adult woman, of course it would have been 100% different he if made that same joke to a child. Don’t be so daft. Probably the silliest comment on this thread.

Men can't do right for doing wrong these days . Op I should imagine the degenerate will have been suitably humiliated and felt like a pervert when staff spoke to him about this heinous crime ,I really dont think he needed to be removed ,next you will want him on he sex offenders register 🙄 ridiculous nonsense .

I'm a bit surprised at everyone saying it's fine and funny, I don't think that it was funny at all. Such a weird thing for him to say at a soft play. I would have been really weirded out if it had happened to me and I think you're courageous to challenge him in the moment, OP

Why thank you. I love an achievement.

In all seriousness though, do you honestly not see why it’s extremely inappropriate for a man to make an unwanted and uninvited sexual comment to a woman who is a stranger to him? I’ll add here that it’s probably exacerbated by it being a child centred setting - so a (presumably) dad spending time with his children thinks it ok to still do the sexual innuendos when he should be concentrating on his kids.

I’m asking seriously now because I feel genuinely so despairing at how many people on this thread think it’s just a joke that women should be fine with and if we aren’t we have no sense of humour.

Massive overreaction! The poor bloke was probably mortified when the staff had a word.

@Playcomment it could have been him making a sexual harrassment complaint for you sticking your bum in his face.

Instead he saw the funny side and made a joke of it.

Had it been the other way round and his bum or crotch ended up in your face would you have made a complaint or laughed it off?

Then it will have done the trick and he might think twice in future before he speaks.

The OP seems to have been pretty embarrassed by what he said to her so I can’t really care that the bloke that caused it might them feel uncomfortable.

Does this really even count as a sexual comment? It was a comment about a body part. He didn't actually mention sex.

How do we know it was sexist? I work out at an 'all men's' (bodybuilder-focused) type gym and I hear the fellas saying this sort of thing to one another often.

Sorry OP, I think you need to lighten up. I may have said something similar to you if it was me. He was making light of a situation in which you may have felt awkward, he wasn't saying 'oooh lovely arse, shove it nearer!'

Well he mentioned payment in exchange for having her bum in his face so yes I’d say so. Some people may see it so, others may see it as banter.
It’s a bit like when someone makes a shitty comment to you and you object and they pull out the “I was only joking” retort. One persons banter is another persons bullying.

The concept of payment doesn't make something sexual or not sexual though. Appreciate your point about different perspectives on banter, but if we're going to start talking about reporting people/getting people banned from places then we should take the majority definition, surely.

Because when you look back in history, the majority have always been on the right side?
I think the message here is that she was humiliated. He made an unwanted comment that she (and plenty of others) on this thread have felt was inappropriate and sexual.
Yes we may be in the minority and - as others have tried to assert - have no sense of humour but this sort of humour is just not funny if someone is left humiliated.

Having a bum in your face and someone sitting on your face are two very different things.

i don’t think the man was suggesting that he’d have come to softplay sooner if he’d known the £10 entry fee covered the chance to perform cunnilingus.

I’m a big fan of ‘if you have to exaggerate to make your point, you might not have a point’

Because when you look back in history, the majority have always been on the right side?

No, because that's how laws/rules are made.

Plenty of women on this thread DO feel fine with it, it was a joke. Suggesting it’s the same as a man making sexual comments at a child is ridiculous

And other women are not fine with it.

You do know that our feelings are equally valid don’t you?

It was an embarrassing incident for you and he tried to make light of it, he could have been very offended by getting some strange woman's arse in his face.

It was a slightly stupid joke trying to downplay what was probably a really embarrassing situation for both of you, and he apologised for it. That should be enough. Getting him and his kids kicked out for that would be a huge overreaction.

I haven’t said they aren’t, it’s you who has an issue with people finding it funny

Why would kids understand that? If they know what "facesitting" is then that's a huge safeguarding concern itself.

Gosh this thread is depressing. The misogyny is coming from inside the house.

Would he have made that joke to an adult man?

I have an issue with women telling the OP and other who agree with her that she needs to lighten up, it’s just a joke, it was her fault that she “shoved” her arse in his face, that she’s overreacting etc etc.

A stranger said something to her that was uninvited and inappropriate and she felt embarrassed enough to both challenge him on it as well as to tell the staff. And yet she should lighten up, see it is a joke, she has no sense of humour etc.

It’s like an episode of Carry on at Softplay. Fully expecting Sid James to pop us shouting oooh matron at every opportunity.

OP I fully understand how you feel and you’re entitled to feel like that.

Why, do you think that’s as bad as making a sexual comment to a child too?

I think it was inappropriate but he was probably embarrassed too. It's just not something to make a big deal out of and expecting the staff to throw him out of the soft play is beyond ridiculous. Some people need to grow up.