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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed with how soft play handled this man

767 replies

Playcomment · 10/06/2026 15:59

I reported an inappropriate sexual comment made by another parent at a soft play area yesterday.

I was climbing down from one of the raised areas with my DS and didn’t realise he was climbing up. I said a polite sorry and he replied not to worry and that if he knew his £10 entry included him getting an arse in his face he would have visited months ago. I challenged him and then reported to staff.

The staff approached me 10/15 minutes later to say they’d spoken to him and he had admitted saying that but was ‘obviously joking’ and he relayed his apologies, so they considered the matter sorted.

Personally, I think he should have been asked to leave. He made me feel extremely uncomfortable and could have gone on to say similar to other parents present.

OP posts:
MajorSamanthaCarter · 10/06/2026 19:44

BunnyMcDougall · 10/06/2026 17:23

Referring to paying £10 to have a woman’s arse in his face alludes to, well…paying a stripper? Who else gets paid to put her arse in a man’s face? I don’t want random men in soft play comparing me to strippers.

The mental gymnastics are outstanding!

user1476613140 · 10/06/2026 19:45

He would have suffocated if he bumped into my bum going down as he was coming up😂

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/06/2026 19:49

littlemousebigcheese · 10/06/2026 19:43

This is such a hard one because on the one hand he was trying to lighten the mood and make fun of the silly situation you were in and it’s objectively quite funny. On the other, if we don’t call out these micro instances of objectification then the bigger ones get through and we are stuck. The way women’s bodies are seen as fair game, the site of jokes posts into a wider narrative of sexism and misogyny and whilst its easy to scoff and say you’re over reacting, where do we draw the line? When does it become not ok? Is it contextual? Does it depend on your age/attractiveness as to how much of a ‘joke’ it was? I think everyone telling you to unclench is being unfair really. You weren’t happy with the situation and that’s important.

The key word in all of that was ‘micro’ - mountain out of a mole hill. It was a joke.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/06/2026 19:53

I’d have laughed and I’m all for calling out men behaving like dicks.

He apologised, I’d have moved on and not thought any more of it.

Purplebeach · 10/06/2026 20:10

PinkMagnoliaTree · 10/06/2026 16:05

@SnappyQuoter thats a completely different type of comment imo

I agree. Whilst I wouldn’t have wanted my DH to make the comment directed at the OP, I found it harmless compared to the comment made to @SnappyQuoter. I’m not completely sure why I find them so different but I do.

UnNiddeRides · 10/06/2026 20:31

I’m sure I’ve seen exactly this scenario on here before, but I dare not google mumsnet softlpay arse for fear of what will come up.

Pikachu150 · 10/06/2026 20:37

I wouldn't find it funny but it would be ridiculous to tell him to leave. He's apologised. Get a grip.

Pinkchickenwine · 10/06/2026 20:43

UnNiddeRides · 10/06/2026 20:31

I’m sure I’ve seen exactly this scenario on here before, but I dare not google mumsnet softlpay arse for fear of what will come up.

When you say you’re in fear of what will come up, It’s that a double entendre?

”goes and sits on naughty step”

ithappenstootherfamilies · 10/06/2026 20:46

I'm embarrassed for you, I really am

GetAbsOrDieTrying · 10/06/2026 21:06

Honestly you are the one who sat on his face, if anything you should have been asked to leave for being inappropriate with him. Poor chap must have been embarrassed and tried to make light of the situation. In poor taste on your part to go complain. What if it had been the other way around?! You should have apologised and then moved on.

BlueSherbet · 10/06/2026 21:50

Its clearly a joke but perhaps inappropriate with a women who is a stranger to the joke teller. A female friend or colleague, who had a relationship with the man already, might have found it funny.

Roaroutthetree · 11/06/2026 00:22

GetAbsOrDieTrying · 10/06/2026 21:06

Honestly you are the one who sat on his face, if anything you should have been asked to leave for being inappropriate with him. Poor chap must have been embarrassed and tried to make light of the situation. In poor taste on your part to go complain. What if it had been the other way around?! You should have apologised and then moved on.

You’re right! The poor man! He could have just said ‘no problem’ but he felt he needed to make a sexual joke about op’s arse in his face just to be able to cope. Who will think of the men in the world

Dweeb63 · 11/06/2026 01:10

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Dweeb63 · 11/06/2026 01:13

This reply has been withdrawn

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Fedupmumofadultsons · 11/06/2026 01:28

Hamela · 10/06/2026 17:09

Very surprised at these comments, so many being ok with this.

A woman enjoying time with her child in a very very child-centric place should not ever have to endure Random Mediocre Man implying, completely out of the blue, that he would rather be paying money to buy "consent" to have her literal arsehole on his face.

Fucking pig, why can't he just focus solely on the time meant to be spent playing with his children? Porn sick loser.

They police our bodies and actions, they think they can comment on even the most thoroughly disinterested women's bodies in even the most unsexual venues. It's not funny or flattering, when so many of them objectify and ( eitherinsidiously or outright) hate us and enjoy our discomfort.

Bloody hell it wasn't out of blue .op didn't look where she was going stuck her arse in the man's face.he made a stupid joke she runs crying to staff like a 6 year old telling tales .it was her fault for not looking .not everyman is a pervert you know talk about ott
post christ who burned your toast

Iriseee · 11/06/2026 03:31

I don't know why everyone is saying that the OP 'shoved her arse' in the man's face. I suggest you reread the OP. She says she was climbing down backwards while the man was climbing up. It's not an unusual or embarrassing situation in itself and happens all the time at soft play. There was absolutely no reason at all for him to make a joke to 'lighten the tension' or whatever people are saying. He had been perving on her arse and made an inappropriate sexual comment.

If the OP had slipped and landed on the man's face then I can understand a jokey comment of this type, but that's not what happened.

Malasana · 11/06/2026 05:22

I’m with you OP. It’s not funny and it’s not appropriate.
Would he have said the same to a man?

ShetlandishMum · 11/06/2026 05:47

Bonkers to faff about. Sorry.

SquirrelGG · 11/06/2026 06:30

PinkMagnoliaTree · 10/06/2026 16:01

I mean I would of laughed at that sorry 😂

Me too. Why are people so lacking in humour these days? (actually it's not people so much as MNers, who are oh so boring serious.

Londonrach1 · 11/06/2026 06:34

I find it strange you wanted to report this. Yabu.

Cheesegrapeschutney · 11/06/2026 06:52

Presumably (hopefully) the man was accompanying a child or children, so the staff were probably aware that removing him would have caused upset for them too - imagine being little and your dad explaining that you've got to put your shoes on and leave the soft play early because he's made an inappropriate comment to someone, it would be awful so the justification for staff doing that would need to be strong.

If the comment had been more serious then that might well have been proportionate, but in this case it sounds like a clumsy attempt to diffuse the tension and the fact he's been spoken to and apologised might make him think twice next time.

2dogsandabudgie · 11/06/2026 08:37

BunnyMcDougall · 10/06/2026 18:03

I know right…I mean, we’re not even allowed to say the n-word anymore. It’s political correctness gone mad. Nobody’s allowed to say ANYTHING racist or sexist anymore. We’re forced to walk around being serious and can’t laugh anymore at the racist and sexist banter. What is the world coming to?

Can you stretch any further!

Stepsisterfromhell · 11/06/2026 08:37

SpottyPyjama · 10/06/2026 17:21

Is it just me that finds the ‘cool girl’ insult misogynistic? As if there is a pre approved response that respectable women should give and those of of us that don’t conform are somehow lacking in morals?

Oh it gets worse: we are "tradwife handmaiden Tatelicking ‘boys will be boys’ bots" because we don't hate men. We must immediately assume everything that comes out of a man's mouth has the worst possible motivation. Even when it is a humorous response to an awkward situation.

The "Karen" meme is also misogynistic but the report it to the manager types are certainly trying to live up to it.

takealettermsjones · 11/06/2026 08:49

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Agree, and furthermore, things like this are why people in the real world don't take women seriously when they report actual harassment.

Malasana · 11/06/2026 09:14

VIII · 10/06/2026 18:24

You do understand that it's acceptable to say some things to an adult that you wouldn't say to a child right? This line of logic is very flawed.

It’s no more acceptable to make an unwanted and uninvited sexual comment to a woman who is a stranger than it is to a child.