To think my friend is being ridiculous?

[pollyhilly]

Someone I consider a good friend is getting married in August. Her hen is in a few weeks but discussions about it started months ago. Lots of ideas being thrown around but she was adamant that she wanted to go abroad on a boozy long weekend to Magaluf. I said quite early on that I wouldn’t be able to go abroad due to cost, work and childcare. To be honest I just really didn’t want to do this type of weekend either, I’m not a good flyer and the thought of sharing a hotel room with people I don’t know isn’t my idea of fun. I was happy to do something in the UK and I was very honest about all of this.

Anyway the deadline for booking was a few months ago and at that point the bride sent a message around telling everyone she needed definite numbers for booking so at this point I said no im
sorry I can’t come. 2 or 3 others also said the same. She didn’t take it well at all. Gave a big speech about how she didn’t think it was a lot to ask etc etc then left the group. I was quite shocked at her attitude and entitlement to be honest although she does have form for being a bit of a drama queen.

Anyway this was about 6 weeks ago and I haven’t heard from her since. I know the hen is happening early July so I’m wondering once it’s done and the dust has settled it she might reach out. If not I’m wondering if I should still attend the wedding in August? It’s very awkward having to message her and ask that question but if the silence keeps up I have no idea where that leaves me?

Aibu to not have gone? I just find hen dos like this so unbearable and I offered to do something else with her back home but it was a flat no. I’m willing to put myself out for my friends to a point but this just seemed like too much. Would you reach out after the hen or just assume you’re not invited to the wedding anymore unless you hear otherwise?

This is literally the answer to the question you asked in your OP. You have answered it yourself…

and for what it’s worth, the person saying to send a quick message before the hen saying “have a good weekend, would love to hear about it after” is a great idea. Just take the high road

Is she the last in the group to get married and has she been to a lot of other people's hen? Just trying to figure out her strange reaction 🤔 YANBU btw, I wouldn't want to go to Magaluf either 😅

Expensive weddings, hens and stags. It’s ok for the bridal duo but everyone else it’s generally a ball ache. Fair enough if you have lots of money and time, but generally these ideas fizzle out once everyone starts to hit about 25. I cannot fathom why people think others are as excited about them of their own wedding and want to spend oodles of cash going here there and everywhere. Again fair play if youre loaded or you want to, but should never be made to feel obliged in any way.

Can you ask on the group chat if anyone knows if having a UK meal or drinks has been discussed?
I think its fairly common for people who have a large hen do abroad, to also have something local including friends and family who can't make it abroad.

Op why would you want to go now anyway she has been rude and disrespectful to your situation she’s a bridezilla. I definitely wouldn’t be asking her if you don’t hear anything from her let her go. She’s a spoiled brat who can’t handle the word no. Why do brides think other women want to spend a fortune on someone else’s hen night. Yes if you enjoy that type of thing but a lot of women don’t. It’s expensive and the entitlement is off the scales.

I wouldn’t be going on that hen do either. Costly and honestly sounds a nightmare. If you lose her as a friend then she is the unreasonable one. Re the wedding I would just message her. “Hi Bride, I’m sorry you are upset that I can’t go to your hen. I understand this means a lot to you but I’m just too stretched financially. I would still love to see you get married but I understand if you feel you’d rather I wasn’t there.” Be prepared for her to say no of course. Alternatively are you friends with her mum or someone close so you could ask them? (Personally I wouldn’t be bothering with it!)

When God made Eve, He'd already made Adam and the animals so she only ever existed with companionship and community. Even as children and young teens girls tend to group together unlike boys.

Have the others who said they weren't going to the hen do heard anything from her?

I feel sorry for her groom. And even sorrier for any kids they have/might have.
Ridiculous to expect you to leave your kids all weekend and spend a fortune. Most parents would prefer to spend that on a weekend or two with the family. Ok some might not, but stropping at the majority who do is not on.

Up to you what you do, but personally I'd not bother attending the wedding, or buying a gift (the groom might well cancel it, unless he's as bad as her). You could just say you're busy with actual two year olds, and don't want to spend time with a grown woman who acts like a toddler.

I’d be inclined to message her to say hope you have a great time on your hen do and see if you get a response. If she replies and is ok then just go to the wedding.. if she ignores you or is frosty you can decide what your follow up message should be… think that’s better than asking am I still invited…