AIBU to expect vegan guests to avoid preaching at shared meals?

[maxslice]

I’m a flexitarian. Meaning I have a mostly plant focused diet. But if invited to, say, a work event or a wedding or to dinner at my oldest friend’s parents house, I’ll eat a lot of salad, potatoes, and bread. Maybe even a bit of their chicken or beef roast to not cause offense or awkwardness. So, that’s my choice. I have long term dear friends who are vegans. I respect that. But I want them to contribute an appropriate dish to share with everyone if it’s that’s so important to them. That said, I think they should just eat and shut up. Do what works for them and leave other people alone. Judging and preaching at
your host and other people is bad manners. No matter how passionate you are, there’s no need for that. You don’t persuade people by bullying them. Am I wrong?

Can I come to you for dinner please? 😂

My family always provide Vegan options for me, and my closest friends. But if it is a large group and I am the only Vegan I often just offer to take my own food as otherwise I get served a "meat alternative" style dish (which is gross) and I am allergic to Quorn so have had some close calls with people serving Quorn!

My New Years Resolution last year was to make Tofu taste amazing and I am happy to report that I succeeded! So often now my meaty friends are excited to see what I bring so they can try some!

But if you run, you run. Whether that is once a year or every day. You still run therefore are a runner. It also doesn't undermine me. You running once a year makes no difference to me running every day (not that I do).

Saying I'm flexitarian is saying "I'm vegan apart from when I eat animal product". It's a dichotomy and as I said above it causes issues for others.

You are not vegetarian if you eat animal products which involve the death of the animal.

Exactly

I agree with this. I don't offer an opinion but have been quite aggressively challenged when people find out. The last time this happened I was at a party and the waiter came to me and said " are you the vegan option? " And I said yes please and thought that would be that. The total stranger sitting next to me said " I fucking hate vegans" . Was it preachy of me to say "I fucking hate corpse crunchers"? In my experience it isn't usually vegans who start it

I think it's unreasonable to expect vegan guests to eat non-vegan food but I also think it's unreasonable for anyone to preach anything at any event they've been invited to unless they've been asked to preach!

If I were hosting a party or event or work thing, it's my responsibility as host to ensure that any dietary requirements or allergies are catered for. It's easier to do a totally gluten free BBQ than only allow my coeliac mate to eat a certain thing because I'd panic about cross contamination and I want her to relax when she's at my party. And I love that it makes me have to think a bit more creatively about the menu.

I would never expect a vegetarian or pescatarian or vegan to eat meat to make me feel less awkward. I don't feel awkward at all!

Food has become polarised - like everything else these days! Everyone should really avoid preaching at all times (unless they are a preacher of course). In my experience, meat eaters and vegetarians can be highly judgmental of each other and defensive. The issue here though is that they have got to you and you think that's not very fair because mostly you avoid meat but you haven't quite met their level of veganism - is that right? You'll be happier if you just let them have their opinion, judge you and get on with whatever diet suits you.

It's best not to judge what others choose to eat/preach so YANBU for not liking that.

I am not vegetarian or vegan, but do often choose those options when out to eat/cook recipes as I like them- this is when people often find the need to comment 'Oooo are you vegetarian/vegan now' etc and so on. And on!

YABU to say flexitarian as PP's say

YANBU

I am a vegetarian and have been since a teenager. It is my choice. I do not preach to others !

I do not make an issue of it - only when asked if I have any dietary requirements

My bug bears -

a) People question if I am getting the nutrients I need , followed by 'I would miss bacon butties /a fry up etc too much )

b) Non vegetarians point out how much they love veggie food and actually don't eat much meat really.

I do not bother replying to these now (I used to)

Each to their own - shut up and stop preaching !

I would not invite them again !

See - I just find the hate in this thread interesting.
The harm that meat (and animal product) eating does is so obviously scale-able, so any reduction is a positive (https://www.alumni.ox.ac.uk/article/less-meat-better-for-environment)
Why are people not welcoming attempts to eat less meat, but instead describing their labels as silly and mocking them as 'pretending' or wanting to feel special?
It's interesting! What does it say about vegans and vegetarians and their motivations? I wonder whether this has been studied...

People aren’t saying eating less meat is silly, people are saying labelling that as a special name is silly. It’s pretty simple to understand!

Why is the name for eating less meat 'silly'?

@maxslice If it is any consolation, the voting as it currently stands has 85% saying YANBU.

I have entertained vegetarians and vegans and have fortunately never once had a situation like this. However I have long since blocked someone on Facebook who is a very militant vegan and was forever banging on about it.

Read some of the replies on here showing people’s opinions on it, there are plenty

No one likes being preached at. And I'm well aware some vegans do this.

I was a vegetarian for 22 years. I've done my bit for the planet. In the end I was forced to quit, because I ended up with health issues caused by eating a mainly carbohydrate diet. (Trust me, you don't want to know).

I've been hectored on this by students and my response is always the same. 'When you've made it to 20 meat-free years, then you can come back and lecture me. At this point only, will I listen'.

Because as a Vegan people constantly say to me "I only eat a little bit of meat" like it somehow makes up for the needless slaughter of animals.

"I only eat a little bit of meat" well great, that cow is only a little bit dead.

It's also very nuanced. You might think it's great that people are reducing their intake of meat, but there are many reasons - not just environmental - that people don't eat meat.

Meat eaters often tell me how they had a "vegetarian meal" and look at me like they want a round of applause.

IMO over consumption is to blame for the environmental impact, and the treatment of these animals - if people could eat less meat, and consume the whole animal, then I would have less of a problem.

I don't think it has been explained why the label is silly.
I had my running analogy, and someone said 'if you run a bit, then you run' - which is true of course. We can divide people up into those who run at all, and those who never run. But no-one has an issue with making finer divisions - e.g. into those who run a little and those who run a lot. No-one says that 'occasional runner' is a silly label, or creates a problem for people who run a lot, or anything like that. What's the problem with saying that you eat meat occasionally - and indeed with someone coining a word for that?
Someone said that it creates confusion, but in their example they had someone describing themselves as 'vegetarian' while sometimes eating meat - and I can see that that is confusing, as they are mis-labelling themselves. But if they use the correct label, why is it confusing?
I could understand someone saying - 'look, my aunt has dementia. Maybe don't say you're a flexitarian because that will just confuse her, and I've only just got her to understand that I'm vegan'. But just the general existence of the word 'flexitarian' causing general confusion across the population about what 'vegan' and 'vegetarian' meant ... I just would be v surprised to find out that was true, or that the confusion was so great that it didn't get outweighed by the positives of someone reducing their meat intake...

I think I understand this - you are saying that eating even some meat is still wrong, so perhaps should not be praised at all. But personally I think that the move in the right direction should still be praised. Or at least, not mocked! I don't get why people seem to hate the 'flexitarians' so much - sometimes you get the impression that they think that the meat-eaters who don't even 'pretend' to be anything else are better, 'more honest', something like that? I don't get it!

Yes, loads, none of whom are preachy.

However, I have met loads of meat eaters who deride vegans and vegetarians and make stereotypical remarks about them just as you are doing 😂

I am an omnivore, but not a twat about other people's diets. HTH.

Oh, I've met a few tedious vegans. It's aways the first thing you learn about them, 'Hello, I'm Fred and I'm a vegan. Did you know that sandwich you're eating has caused immense suffering'. And so on. Worst one was a vegan barista in a café that specialised in bacon rolls. He went on and on...

Of course people are entitled to hold views but personally I hate being preached at.

So you expect me to not eat? Or to eat meat when I don't want to or don't like it? Why is your dietary wish more important than mine?

You must have heard the joke:

How can you tell someone is vegan?

You don't need to worry, they'll tell you!!

I have met some unbearable judgemental vegans in my time, I’ve also met some unbearable judgemental omnivores and clean eaters and I just lump them all in together as unbearable twats and don’t pursue friendships with them.

if this is bothering you this much I think it’s probably you’re feeling defensive about your own decisions and maybe you should think about why this is.

You're late to the party. This is about the fourth time someone has quoted this joke.

This is a big issue IME. I've been on the receiving end of it enough times and seen a lot of accounts of it both online and from people I know (and on MN).

I was once invited to a parent's friend's house. I had told the friend the day before not to arrange anything for me to eat because I was a vegan and I was happy with a glass of wine.

They still catered for me because they 'knew a vegan' and had prepared tuna canapes and cheese vol-au-vents.

I don't know if they confused vegan with vegetarian and this 'vegetarian' was actually a pescetarian, or they genuinely knew someone who called themselves vegan and ate those things. Either way, it caused me a lot of embarrassment and them a lot of trouble they needn't have gone to. They were elderly and I felt very guilty about it. This stands out, because I felt so bad about it, but it is far from an isolated incident.