AIBU to expect vegan guests to avoid preaching at shared meals?

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I’m a flexitarian. Meaning I have a mostly plant focused diet. But if invited to, say, a work event or a wedding or to dinner at my oldest friend’s parents house, I’ll eat a lot of salad, potatoes, and bread. Maybe even a bit of their chicken or beef roast to not cause offense or awkwardness. So, that’s my choice. I have long term dear friends who are vegans. I respect that. But I want them to contribute an appropriate dish to share with everyone if it’s that’s so important to them. That said, I think they should just eat and shut up. Do what works for them and leave other people alone. Judging and preaching at
your host and other people is bad manners. No matter how passionate you are, there’s no need for that. You don’t persuade people by bullying them. Am I wrong?

I do agree with you there, a move in the right direction should be praised.

I think the reason "flexitarian" is such a trigger word to Vegans is because that should be how everybody eats. It's defined as " predominantly plant-based diet but occasionally consumes meat, poultry, or fish" and if everybody ate like that then the farming / slaughter industry wouldn't be as abhorrent.

The problem is with over consumption - meat every single day, every single meal. The fact people point out to me that they had a "vegetarian meal" shows how normalised it is to consume meat for every meal, and it's sad. The fact that people have to define that they're "flexitarian" is sad because it is simply a well rounded, healthy human diet.

The fact that people have to define that they're "flexitarian" is said because it is simply a well rounded, healthy human diet.

But you don't need a word for that. It's an everyday day, whatever you fancy in moderation which there is already a word for - omnivore Whereas vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, gluten free, dairy free and so on excludes specific food groups at all times

My favourite 'vegan' people are the ones who never bring steak to the BBQ but will eat it.

You'd probably find that people were less inclined to discuss diet with you if you didn't adopt a silly label for yourself to make being a regular omnivore sound special.

I think the reason "flexitarian" is such a trigger word to Vegans is because that should be how everybody eats. It's defined as " predominantly plant-based diet but occasionally consumes meat, poultry, or fish" and if everybody ate like that then the farming / slaughter industry wouldn't be as abhorrent
Eh? Vegans and vegetarians fundamentally disagree with slaughtering animals.
Reducing meat consumption without an ethical drive would make no difference to the meat industry (or dairy and poultry practices). Fewer animals would be involved but the abhorrent practices would remain.
It's perfectly possible for vegans, vegetarians, pescatarians etc. to eat a balanced and healthy diet. Meat consumption isn't a goal or a necessity.

I completely agree, it doesn't need to be defined.

I think that's the real issue with the OP! Stating themselves as "flexitarian" whilst being judgmental of their vegan friends.

You either consume meat / animal products, or you don't. Simple.

I'm vegan. I never talk about it really, unless someone asks me why I'm vegan.

I actually find meat eaters are very quick to get annoyed when you don't eat animal products. I hear so much of 'well it's natural, what about free range' and obviously everyone becomes a nutrition expert. I will absolutely respond with my ethical reasons for veganism in this scenario.

I just want to be left alone 😂 I truly don't care what other people eat, but I don't want to be questioned on my dietary preferences either.

On a side note, flexitarian is a weird word. You are either vegan/veggie, or you aren't. I don't not raise my child vegan despite me being vegan. She does eat mostly plant based as it's what we have, but I'll also give her occasional fish/cheese or whatever. I don't consider her flexitarian, she just mostly eats plant based with occasional animal products.

Veganism is quite a strong ethical stance for most people, there is no 'oh it's okay once a year on Christmas'. I personally accept we will never live in a world free of animal products, and would prefer to encourage people to reduce consumption and think about where they are buying their products.

Yes I know this, I am a Vegan.

I was trying to explain why it comes across as such a trigger- word from both sides, and why it is an unnecessary word to describe a diet.

Like I've said before the reasons for Veganism / Vegetarianism are nuanced. I completely disagree with consuming animals and animal products... But I would still appreciate a global move to reduce the consumption. If my meat eater friends decided to start by having more vegan / vegetarian meals I would encourage it.

The main reason I'd want to know people's dietary preferences is so that I know what to cook for them. I'm vegetarian, I tell people I'm vegetarian if they invite me to dinner so that I'm not expected to eat meat or fish. If someone tells me they're flexitarian, I don't know what to do with that. Do they want me to cook a vegan meal or not? (I've never actually had this issue, I've never had a friend refer to themselves as flexitarian, I just know I would find it confusing).

As an aside, I do try to reduce my consumption of dairy, eggs etc and mostly eat plant-based at home. But that's not relevant to whoever's hosting a meal or event etc so no need to mention it.

I'm all for people reducing their consumption of animal products, I think that's great. It's just not relevant when someone is trying to find out what you would or wouldn't be happy to eat for a one-off dinner.

What you mean meat eaters?

I agree that reduction in consumption of meat is good @ReginaPhalange1989 but your post stated that a diet that included eating meat occasionally was how everyone should eat. Hence my response.

I’ve heard lots of vegans preaching about what I should and shouldn’t be eating! We got cornered in a local city once by vegans and they screamed at my then 10 year old daughter that she was a murderer for eating meat!

If you want the plant based option then surely you just select that as an option? OP said they were the only one who picked it so it would be inconsiderate to eat food not meant for you

But you would eat meat if you had no other choice... that is the point.

We're not vegan / veggie because we "don't like it" or "don't want it" most of us would rather starve to death than eat meat.

It's not about "importance of dietary wishes" its about respect - if you eat all the veggie options then you're expecting the veggie/vegan not to eat?

In this instance you should put yourself down as a veggie, to ensure there's enough veggie options for everybody. Not just scoff the veggie options because you "don't like" what the alternative is. If you know you don't like / wont eat certain things then you should make that clear to whoever is organising the event.

But I'm assuming this was a PETA stall or demo or something. Not some vegan friend 'screaming' at you at a dinner party.

You don't see a difference between some evengelical Christian on the street shouting about the end of the world and eternal damnation, and your friend telling you over coffee that you're going to go to hell if you don't turn to Jesus?

Is preaching bad?

Answer: obviously.

crikey - a lot of Quorn stuff isn't even vegan!

But that's the fault of the caterers. It's quite common to go up to a buffet to find ham sandwiches, sausage rolls, pork pies, mini sausages, scotch eggs, cheese sandwiches and onion bhajis.

Are people supposed to pick up processed pork five ways just in case there's a vegetarian at the back of the queue? Or just wouldn't it be better (for inclusivity, the planet, animal welfare and cost) if the caterer served a more balanced selection. Just because a person eats some meat, it doesn't mean that they don't want a varied diet or like other types of food.

A bloke recently said to me that he had 'Got in touch with his feminine side and crashed his car on his way home'.

This is what this quip is akin to for me. Origins from the same place of archaic ignorance. And about as funny.

feel free to remind them they're clearing rainforest to grow soya beans for their diet :D

how do you know someone is a meat eater?
Don't worry they're the ones telling the vegans they're wrong....

It depends, I know vegans who preach unasked and I would never do that. But I have had the subject brought up to me and then been repeatedly asked/goaded into sharing my opinion, then I assume, referred to as preachy after the event.

Also, your posting style comes across as quite spiky and defensive, so maybe birds of a feather flock together.

Yes sorry, it does read that way. I didnt mean it like that though, I meant that flexitatian is simply the 'normal' diet of none vegans / vegetarians and doesnt need a word to define it.

Yes and the impact of almond growing for almond milk.

Of course, no shop bought meat products are UPFs. And most people who eat meat are ultra healthy...
It isn't 'self-indulgent' to not want to contribute to the exploitation of animals and their pain/fear and factory farming.

Bizarre view.

Most people I've met who bang on about health being their reason for not wanting to give up meat, or for judging vegans for their diet are the same sorts who eat sugary carbs, sausage rolls, chips, alcohol and sweets/chocolate etc.