AIBU to expect vegan guests to avoid preaching at shared meals?

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I’m a flexitarian. Meaning I have a mostly plant focused diet. But if invited to, say, a work event or a wedding or to dinner at my oldest friend’s parents house, I’ll eat a lot of salad, potatoes, and bread. Maybe even a bit of their chicken or beef roast to not cause offense or awkwardness. So, that’s my choice. I have long term dear friends who are vegans. I respect that. But I want them to contribute an appropriate dish to share with everyone if it’s that’s so important to them. That said, I think they should just eat and shut up. Do what works for them and leave other people alone. Judging and preaching at
your host and other people is bad manners. No matter how passionate you are, there’s no need for that. You don’t persuade people by bullying them. Am I wrong?

For PP: 60% of deforestation globally is for cattle and livestock consume around 70% of the worlds soya

Where do you think around 75% of soy beans end up? Google it if you prefer.
I'll give you a clue
It's not to feed the roughly 1-2% of the population who are vegans.

The ignorance baffles me. Seriously, we're in the information age. Ignorance is a choice.

Around 80% of soy goes into animal feed for meat production. Only a small fraction is consumed direct by humans.

Always nice to see a preachy vegan thread on MN.

People shouldn’t judge or preach - regardless of their views or lifestyle choices. What you describe isn’t just the behaviour of vegans/ veggies - I’ve been to countless meals where I’ve had meat eaters telling me that my lifestyle choices are wrong and unhealthy - all unsolicited opinions from them observing that I ordered a veggie option. It is tiresome for veggies/ vegans to have to explain our lifestyle choices when eating out with others. Most of us don’t actually want that conversation - we don’t bring it up and are actually bored to death of telling strangers why we don’t eat animals - and especially bored of meat eaters taking offence at our answer to their unsolicited question and then their proceeding rant as to why we are wrong. We have a fundamental difference of option and neither party’s view is going to be changed from a single conversation with a random acquaintance. Everyone just needs to be respectful regardless of dietary choice/ requirements and don’t start the conversation in the first place.

Clearly not met my mother then!

"Don't you look at the sheep in the field and feel bad they'll be killed just for food"

"But I don't understand how you can raise an animal and be ok with killing it, don't you bond with it?"

"How are you ok with knowing they're terrified before you kill them, just so you can eat it"

"It's really put me off my food knowing the suffering they've gone through, I don't know how you can eat it".

As teenagers she made us hand rear lambs and take them for slaughter. So really she's done it to herself really. No cognitive dissonance here. But I do avoid eating meals with her as I'd like to talk about something else!

It depends how the conversation has come about. I’m not vegan (or vegetarian), but I have often seen people question those who are about their choices. Then they get offended when they don’t like the answer because they take it as a personally. I have rarely seen a vegan spontaneously start lecturing people.

I eat so much less meat than 10 years ago. For a variety of reasons. I just don’t understand the need for a name for it?

As an old friend once said to me, the only people who like preachy vegans are other peachy vegans.

Maybe it's just the vegans I know then. I agree that as a vegan you don't need to eat UPFs but some of the younger ones I know eat quite a lot of them.

And while I hear you on not killing animals unnecessarily (I have nothing against veggies) I struggle with why dairy products are seen as exploitative by vegans. So I have to come to the highly unscientific judgement that in some cases at least it is performative!

Perhaps I am mixing with the wrong sort of vegans!

See this is another thing that people who eat meat don't realise.

"Global soya (soybean) production is an enormous agricultural industry, exceeding 427 million metric tons annually. Primarily grown for protein-rich animal feed and cooking oil"

The vast majority of soy bean agriculture is used to feed farm animals. So if you all stopped eating meat there would be enough soya beans to feed the population 10 x over.

You are being unreasonable to eat meat so as not to cause offence !

For crying out loud! We would get pretty annoyed if 'carnivores' spent the meal going on and on about how eating meat is totally natural and they are stupid for not eating it. So why is it 'ok' for vegans to do this?

I'm with the OP. Be courteous about others choices, They may not be yours but everyone is entitled to choose for themselves and to enjoy a meal without criticism or rudeness. TBH, I wouldn't invite them again.

There is no such thing as a ‘flexitarian’
You are either vegetarian, vegan or you eat meat. It’s such a ridiculous label to give yourself, so yabu for that alone
Akdo it’s not vegans you have a problem with, but people who are rude enough to comment on your food or eating habits. That isn’t exclusive to vegans.

Dairy products are seen as "exploitative" by vegans because cows don't naturally produce milk. They have to be pregnant like most mammals. The cows are forcibly impregnated (usually artificially by the farmer with collected sperm) The cow then has the calf - if it's a female she is reintroduced into the milk industry, if it's a male they are either killed shortly after birth, or sold for meat.

Either way the baby is taken away from their mother so they don't drink the milk, and given a "formula" style milk, so we can collect the milk for human consumption.

It is not performative to care about the use, and abuse of sentient beings for human consumption, when in 2026 you can live a healthy life without exploiting animals. You can get all the nutrients you need from a plant based diet, meat is not a necessity.

Because vegans and vegetarians don't do that.Like other posters I've had countless "ooh, don't you eat mest/ don't you miss meat". It's tedious and thick - why do think I'm not eating meat?

You expect vegetarians and vegans to bring their own dishes to share with everyone at weddings and work events?
You can't bring your own food and share at catered events, that's health code territory.

Would I not be pleased if I went to a catered event and there was nothing I could eat? Yes. It's a diverse world out there and you have to assume there are going to be at least some people who do not eat meat at your events. It's now standard to have veg and vegan food at events.

Now, you say shut up and eat. That's just rude. You're not anyone else's boss. Plus, someone who hasn't ever eaten meat or hasn't eaten it for some time could get GI distress or ill from eating it.

I haven't heard anyone preaching about a veg diet for years and never at an event.. The benefits are well known.

Are you one of those people that eats meat but scarfs up a lot of the veg entree at events? Don't be that person.

Hahahaha!!!

She doesn't

Yawn

If somebody asks your opinion about something, and it is the opposite of your opinion it doesn't equate "preaching", healthy debate can still exist without labelling people as being preachy.

I do think that a lot of meat eaters have some unconscious shame that they project onto Vegans, because deep deep down people think that killing innocent animals is wrong. This shame then becomes "you are preaching and think that you are better than me" and it becomes a discussion for someone to try and disprove my lifestyle choice.

I have only ever answered questions honestly. I have never voiced my opinion about how gross I believe it is to eat meat, because it's rude, and doesn't allow for constructive conversation. People can make their own choices, whether I agree or not, and me saying that I don't want to eat meat because I love animals isn't me saying that you don't love animals... which seems to be how it's taken.

I agree @ReginaPhalange1989
I should have put the preachy vegan in quote marks.
I only ever come across "preachy vegans" on MN, that's the point I was making. People make posts about "preachy vegans" when very few of us "preach".
Sorry that I wasn't clear.

The unforgivable thing, to me, is telling a host only on arrival that they are veggie/Vegan. Yes, Canadian relative of dh, I’m looking at you - couldn’t you have just mentioned it before coming to stay? 🤬

How do you know if someone hates vegans?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

I see, sorry I took it the wrong way!

It's sad that as a Vegan I have had to deeply research the meat industry, human anatomy, nutrition, just to "prove" my lifestyle choices to other people.
People who try to prove to me that I am going to drop dead any day soon because I haven't touched meat or animal products for 20 years. I have researched the heck out of it all so that when someone tells me that, for example, my teeth are "carnivore teeth" I can calmly explain why this isn't true... only to be told I am preaching to them 😂

And before anyone says that you cannot get all that you need from a vegan diet, you can. I had full bloods done recently and the doctor said that they were the best results in terms of vitamins, and minerals that he'd seen in a long time. When I said I was vegan he was shocked, and said "whatever you're doing, keep doing it" ... and I do not take supplements before anyone says that too.