To be shocked my friend is using the food bank?

[thatsmeinthecrunchcorner]

I've name changed as possibly outing and I'm fully prepared to be told that IABU, but just wanted to know if I'm understanding the food bank issue here.
Friend has 3 DC, 2 of whom are primary school age. She's never worked due to childcare cost and her DH had his own business, which he sold as they are trying to emigrate to Australia (her parents emigrated there years ago) and he needs to get some specific qualifications so he studies part time and works part time. She told me recently things have been very tight and that she has been using a food bank weekly for the last year. I was really taken back as they get takeaways, the DC get new up to date sports wear and go on days out to theme parks, where they also buy food. They have 'summered' in Australia every year to visit her parents for the 6 weeks holidays. She was saying a few months ago that flights have really gone up this year so they might not go away. I said I understand, we cannot afford a holiday this year so suggested we could do some day trips together with the DC.
Saw her yesterday and she said she's just booked, it was very expensive but "we can't not go, the DC really wants to go". I assumed maybe her parents paid the tickets (she said it was £3.2k) but then she said she'd built up some savings due to not doing a big shop as she was using the food bank now. I was horrified by this, I donate to the food bank as to me it's a lifeline for those who need to feed their family. It's made me think differently of her but maybe AIBU here? DH said the food bank is there for those who need it, she's not doing anything wrong so to speak, but surely it's not there to help people save money for trips abroad?

How do you know that? OP says that the friend is getting a package of ambient food, which is not a community fridge thing.

I'm a referrer to food banks. The vast majority only have ambient food which is pre-packaged for their clients.
I also volunteer at our community fridge, where almost all the surplus food we distribute is perishable, which is why the supermarkets give it to us for distribution when it reaches its best before date. And our visitors get to select what they take.

I worked in food redistribution for years and wrote some of the guidance for community orgs on the open access/food waste reduction model. I can tell you this comes up pretty often on MN!

I just wouldn't be that interested in how someone else spends, earns or doesn't spend their money. You mentioned you receive some benefits - would you like it if someone was on here repeating your conversations and trying to figure out whether you qualified or were scamming the system?

She calls it a food bank and it's run out of a church that advertises a food bank, but I suppose it's possible it's a free food type of thing in the same place, I haven't been.

As others have said you need a referral for an actual food bank, but a food excess/community pantry type place is open to anyone, we have one, but it's not quite near enough to me to get to otherwise I'd be using it, they're a great idea, even if there always seems to be an excess of unwanted vegan sandwiches for some reason 😂

In that case, it doesn't sound like it's taking away from those who would be referred as it clearly isn't one of those places.

It's odd that she is doing it since she doesn't need it, especially just for the likes of tea, coffee and pasta. It's a risk that churches take when they don't require referrals or means testing and they will be aware of that.

It's also possible with it at a church that it is a community thing open to everyone and not just for those struggling to feed themselves/family. Hard to know for sure without actually going.

I think it’s more likely that she is using a community larder, which does have fresh produce.
I work in a pretty affluent town, we have a community larder at my place of work.
3 local supermarkets give us that stuff that’s over the best before etc
Loads of people use it to cut food waste and to raise money for charity (donation pot next to it) and to save themselves a few pennies.

Visitors to our community fridge get to select up to 2kg of food. Within that we limit how much of the high value food they can have. So they don't get to take 2kg of raspberries, for instance.

I imagine you get all sorts at food banks. Quite a few of them will spend their money on things you might not approve of.

How does a referral work? Posters are saying they are means tested, how do food banks check this? Is it a case of just showing proof of UC?

If it's non referral it's not a proper food bank. More likely a community larder anyone can use. I drop off rhubarb in the summer and cooking apples in September each year because we get a glut and I don't like to see them all go to waste. I'd far rather someone used them

She's not going to be doing the equivalent of a big shop visiting the food bank/community pantry weekly, she'll just be getting basics. How do you know so much about her finances? I hope she doesn't read mumsnet because she's going to recognise herself - and you.

My wife volunteers for a community fridge which gets donations of out of date food, or rather almost out of date food from Tesco, lidl, sainsbury, even KFC. It's then given away.

For some reason (woke/pc cough) it can't be given to the food bank!!

Anything that has a use by date of that day goes to another organisation, olio, who have sn on line distribution system. The best before, anything freezable is kept and given out.

It prevents food waste and most times basics like bread, eggs, spuds are there.

Your friend could be using that...or like the twats in our middle class town, is rocking up to an actual foodbank in their cars with personally number plates and latest phones...nails hair and fresh tattoos.

My whole point is not whether I think she needs it or not. She thinks she needs it, says she is struggling etc, I'm asking whether it is considered reasonable to use a food bank if you obviously have enough savings to pay for flights. I've asked a pp what the referral involves, if it's only a recipient of UC then she's doing nothing wrong, but to me I'd feel really wrong doing that.

Here's a story I sometimes use to illustrate the pont I'm about to make. It's not virtue signalling, it's just a thing that happened.

I came out of Tesco's pushing a very full trolley across the carpark. Someone asked me if I had any spare change. I said I didn't as I only had my card, but would he like something to eat out of the trolley? He said yes please and I gave him some crisps, some cake and a couple of drinks as it was a hot day. He said thank you, and went on his way.

Someone loading their shopping into a car nearby said I was a fool, that he would probably be laughing at me and swapping the cake for cigarettes or something.

I said I didn't care. Because that was on him. Not me.

What I meant by that was that I did what I thought was a nice thing. If he wants to laugh at me, or do something else with those things, that's on him. That's on his conscience. That's his decision. I made mine because it was right to me in that moment.

Sometimes, people are dicks. But the fact that some people might choose to abuse a foodbank, doesn't mean I have to choose to stop donating.

I don't have to let their choice to be dicks stop or hinder my choice to be nice.

Because then everyone suffers, I don't get to do the nice thing, and the people that benefit from the nice thing don't get to.

And only the dicks win.

I refer people to Trussell Trust foodbanks, via a secure area of their website. I gather various information from the person in need to complete the referral form. I don't ask to see proof, but as I refer people from a particular group, I already know for certain that their situation is genuine.

That's well run, and I was hoping you would say there were some limits. It sounds like a fantastic idea, there's so much food waste when food is perfectly ok (well apart from the obvious stuff like chicken and fish etc.) that last well beyond the use by date, I am a dab hand at using (my own) out of date stuff like yogurts, fruit, veg and cheese. All fine, no casualties yet!

There's usually limits with popular items, sometimes with excess items, especially fresh produce they literally tell you to take as much as you want and hope that someone cleans it out.

I use a community supermarket. You pay £5 for a yearly membership and then a certain amount depending on how many items you want so you still have to pay for it but it is heavily reduced.

I know because she tells me. Our DC play a sport together and she'll tell me what new kit she has bought and where, or they tried X new takeaway and so on. And I didn't say she's doing a big shop in the food bank, she said it has helped her cut back on the weekly shop.

Applicants have to give details of their income and outgoings. It’s quite intrusive. A person could lie but there’d be little point, because they are given advice on what to do so they don’t have to rely on a food bank going forward (get debt advice, apply for full benefit entitlement, engage with alcohol or gambling support services, engage with the Job Centre, apply for social tariffs etc.) If there is no evidence that the person is tackling the cause of their hardship then the referrals would be refused.

But you said this one doesn’t need a referral, in which case they obviously wouldnt need to show proof of anything. It would take a lot longer than a year to buy multiple flights to Australia by saving on the cost of pasta and rice.

You said she didn’t need a referral?

It’s not a food bank. It’s a community pantry. Food banks are referral only, the “type of food bank anyone can use” is a community pantry. They are for everyone, including people who might otherwise have to make a choice between food and family. Thats not such a horrible reason to want to save money its not like she’s spending it on fags and beer is it.

There’s a community pantry by us in a community centre i do a fitness class at. As we leave the reception is always insistent we yoga mums take some stuff from the pantry otherwise it will go to waste. Lovely yummy leftover m&s and gails stuff. Zero complaints from me or my kids!

There is no sense of personal integrity or social responsibility anymore.

Yes there was far more in tudor times under henry the 8th, you’re right x

An unfair sweeping statement there.

She doesn't need a referral. I've checked in our town and online there are several churches, a mosque and a Hari Krishna temple thing that all have food banks that don't require a referral.
I asked a pp what the referral process is for referral only food banks.