To be shocked my friend is using the food bank?

[thatsmeinthecrunchcorner]

I've name changed as possibly outing and I'm fully prepared to be told that IABU, but just wanted to know if I'm understanding the food bank issue here.
Friend has 3 DC, 2 of whom are primary school age. She's never worked due to childcare cost and her DH had his own business, which he sold as they are trying to emigrate to Australia (her parents emigrated there years ago) and he needs to get some specific qualifications so he studies part time and works part time. She told me recently things have been very tight and that she has been using a food bank weekly for the last year. I was really taken back as they get takeaways, the DC get new up to date sports wear and go on days out to theme parks, where they also buy food. They have 'summered' in Australia every year to visit her parents for the 6 weeks holidays. She was saying a few months ago that flights have really gone up this year so they might not go away. I said I understand, we cannot afford a holiday this year so suggested we could do some day trips together with the DC.
Saw her yesterday and she said she's just booked, it was very expensive but "we can't not go, the DC really wants to go". I assumed maybe her parents paid the tickets (she said it was £3.2k) but then she said she'd built up some savings due to not doing a big shop as she was using the food bank now. I was horrified by this, I donate to the food bank as to me it's a lifeline for those who need to feed their family. It's made me think differently of her but maybe AIBU here? DH said the food bank is there for those who need it, she's not doing anything wrong so to speak, but surely it's not there to help people save money for trips abroad?

I'm so glad you got sorted and it provided a bit of relief for you and your DC 💐 And you are so right, we don't know what is around the corner.

Including disability benefits?

I save money by using a community supermarket, if I had food vouchers for supermarkets, it would actually be more expensive.

You’ve totally outed your ‘friend’ here with those specific details if any of it’s true

there is a community food bank by me where you donate and people can go and get free stuff no questions asked, I do think your friend is taking the piss for what it’s worth

Community pantries do

How do the community pantries work? Could someone or a group just go in and clean it out in five minutes flat!

I don't know about others but the one I go to charges £2.50 per person and you get a colour coded bit of paper. Each area is manned so no-one takes more than they're allowed. You can always get potatoes and onions and then you usually get to choose two other veg and two lots of fruit which obviously vary from week to week. Then there's usually masses of bananas of varying degrees of ripeness (the woman there has been known to give a couple of dozen bananas if they're overwhelmed with them.

Then you can choose various Lidl bakery items, bread, bunches of flowers, one random item (anything from nappies to tinned chickpeas) and some frozen items which can vary from chicken legs to ready meals. I like going because it forces me to use stuff up quickly. I have however got a bag of bao buns in the freezer, I have no idea what to do with them!

I feel you are getting a hard time on here OP. I agree with you, your friend is taking the piss - she is not a person in need of a food bank. There is always who who spoils it for others.

Our local town has food bank that you self refer. At the front is a community larder but you have to go to the back door for the food bank. I know someone who goes every week and they definitely don’t need to. They are very frugal and don’t like spending their money.
But I use Olio and I don’t need to, but it saves me money

Notice though how it says ''we do not turn people away empty handed when they first register with us'' and also mention registering as a way of knowing the numbers.

OP says her friend is getting food weekly. Your example sounds like they would be turning her friend away by now.

tracking usage and a referral are completely different things

There are lots of schemes that are open access ..giving things just as described to anyone at all. There are low cost subscription food shares..that could be what you friend is using...you join and then are given family packs. There are junk food projects. Lots of these are distributed in Community Hubs like churches.
I'm not sure why it bothers you...she is using the savings to maintain contact with her parents ...how utterly wicked of her 🤦‍♀️

Independent food banks need the data for funding and supply. Not to decide who gets the food and how often.

I wouldn't donate to a foodback. People need to budget better and make food a priority over having their nails done.

Given that she doesn’t need a referral she isn’t doing anything wrong and I would leave it up to her own conscience. Policing other people’s behaviour seems to have become more prevalent than ever. You never know where someone is coming from, she may have had food insecurity at some point in her life. I say this as someone who has herself, at a time when food banks and community pantries weren’t a thing. She might be dealing with other issues with her family or with her partner that you don’t know about. You can’t judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes.

I’m sure food banks are gutted they’re missing out on your donation

I understand where you’re coming from a church I used to frequent for a toddler group ran something similar, I was somewhat suprised to see a well heeled man on an expensive bike filling up his rucksack. Yes it was open to anyone but the interior was to help those in need. I’d judge someone like your friend.

Right but I still think it makes it quite clear that they might not turn people away the first time but may in the future with how it is worded. That was my point really.

Places like that, even if they don't have an official referral system are very unlikely to continue to give someone food every single week without question.

Well, aren’t you just lovely.

I’ve had to use a foodbank in the past.

I’ve never had my nails done in my life, maybe had a haircut once a year. I don’t drink, smoke, gamble or go out.

Things are better now, and I regularly donate to foodbanks because I know what it feels like to have nothing, and I worked.

So not a food bank then.

This is remarkably similar to the 'AIBU to be shocked this alcoholic gets 2k a month in PIP to spend on booze' thread a couple of days ago which was deleted. OP kept adding details in just the same way.

I’m surprised, in my area after using it 3x you must sit down with the financial advisor to go over why you still need the food bank.

Although I guess if he works PT and she doesn’t work at all then they’d always qualify.

Why do people keep saying that it can't possibly be a food bank? I used a food bank a couple of years ago. The only questions they asked me were whether I had any allergies and if I drank tea or coffee! I felt very ashamed the first time I went as I'd never been so hard up in my life and am a very proud person (I cried on the way home). The volunteers were lovely and I collected my food weekly. As well as tins and packets I received fruit, veg, milk, bread and other fresh food. The fresh food was donated by local shops such as Waitrose, M & S and Gails. I even got the odd Cook ready meal. I've never eaten so well. I got a pay rise so I stopped using them but I am so grateful for their help. I received food from them for about 6 months but there was no limit on how long I could've used them for. And they definitely was a food bank - it said so on the massive sign outside. And to answer the OPs question - I don't think your friend should be using one. A holiday isn't essential - I haven't been able to afford a holiday for 15 years. And that's fine.

Google says it costs £40000 to emigrate so theyre going going any time soon, lots of costs for a family and you need over £10000 in the bank,

In order to save £3.2k by using the "foodbank", she'd have to be given more than £60/week for a year of longlife stuff and the family eat that and only that. Not happening!

I'm a foodbank volunteer. We give out 3 days worth of emergency supplies only, and only 3 times a year. A family of 4 could probably get about £100/ year worth of food from us. Hardly going to pay for a family trip to Australia.

On the other hand, if she's using a 'Community Pantry', then this is about reducing food waste, and it's fabulous that she's using it for it's intended purpose! She's doing her bit for the environment (and no doubt saving a bit too!) Good for her!

Oh, Jesus Fuck, MN curtain twitching and pearl clutching at its very, very exquisite best. 😂😆 Hold on till I get my popcorn and drink for this one...😆

I haven't commented on the food bank issue. I won't either. I'm ok myself and am very grateful to be, so I don't need the services of a food bank now. But who knows if I might in the future? No one knows what life can throw at you. Be happy that you don't need to use one now and move on with your life.

Judge not and you will not be judged.