To be shocked my friend is using the food bank?

[thatsmeinthecrunchcorner]

I've name changed as possibly outing and I'm fully prepared to be told that IABU, but just wanted to know if I'm understanding the food bank issue here.
Friend has 3 DC, 2 of whom are primary school age. She's never worked due to childcare cost and her DH had his own business, which he sold as they are trying to emigrate to Australia (her parents emigrated there years ago) and he needs to get some specific qualifications so he studies part time and works part time. She told me recently things have been very tight and that she has been using a food bank weekly for the last year. I was really taken back as they get takeaways, the DC get new up to date sports wear and go on days out to theme parks, where they also buy food. They have 'summered' in Australia every year to visit her parents for the 6 weeks holidays. She was saying a few months ago that flights have really gone up this year so they might not go away. I said I understand, we cannot afford a holiday this year so suggested we could do some day trips together with the DC.
Saw her yesterday and she said she's just booked, it was very expensive but "we can't not go, the DC really wants to go". I assumed maybe her parents paid the tickets (she said it was £3.2k) but then she said she'd built up some savings due to not doing a big shop as she was using the food bank now. I was horrified by this, I donate to the food bank as to me it's a lifeline for those who need to feed their family. It's made me think differently of her but maybe AIBU here? DH said the food bank is there for those who need it, she's not doing anything wrong so to speak, but surely it's not there to help people save money for trips abroad?

This is what I was thinking - don't you need to be referred?

Not necessarily

Omg she needs a food bank why ? They can afford take aways and holidays . Food banks are set up to help the needy ie people on there arse and cant make ends meet so she is funding her hols and take aways on the back of the food banks omg she prob spends 50 aweek shopping gets 150 worth from fbanks and puts 100 into the hols fund every wk oh and 50 awk for junk food .Iam going to find out were the nearest f bank is and book a cruise good god you lot get a grip with your stupid comments there is people out there who really need it that dont have hols and cant afford to buy there kids anything 🙄FFS

Church run ones can be referral. The one I support is set up and run by the local church. Referrals are from healthcare, social services, local counsellor etc

There will be different set ups in different places .

Is it community fridge you think or?

I am with you. Totally.

I'm sorry that you've had so much beating up and unpleasantness here. Your friend is totally unreasonable.

I know somebody who is using one and I don’t think they really needs to, but maybe that’s very judgemental of me.
I know there is money coming into the house and they buys nonessentials for themself and their household.
I don’t think it’s really my business to say anything to them.

OP says her friend gets pasta, cereal, tea, coffee & biscuits from the food bank. Doesn't sound like £150 worths food to me.

Food bank or community pantry???? People often call the community pantry a food bank but it is totally different. They are designed to save food waste and anyone is welcome to attend and take food. Our local pantry collects from all the local supermarkets and you donate £2 a visit. We often attend and get a couple of bags of food.

Its not a holiday. She's desperate to see her family.
If you fly all that way, it makes sense to stay as long as you can.

What is the alternative. She sits at home, never takes her children out or buys clothes for them... and then she's allowed to use it?

For all you know she may be using vouchers for the days out and buying the sportswear from vinted or just making sure that her kids aren't embarrassed by turning up in old clothes. Also children regularly grow out and need new shoes.
I agree with the pp who said she may just be putting on a brave face and is really struggling. Or she may have seen how shocked you were at her expenditure and said that to make it seem less spendthrift. Her husband is training and working part time.

She won't always be in that phase of her life... and having benefitted will be better disposed to pay it forward when she can... and if the food bank is still operating and has enough for those that call there, then I don't think its such a big problem or something that should make people stop donating.

A charity I volunteer with runs a community pantry. You do not do a 'big shop' there, it is 8 items per household and you have to lay £3. That is on the Friday. Two other days of the week sell by date food (can be all sorts, but lots of bread in there) is available for anyone and we suggest a small donation. None of this is based on referral. The 'proper' pantry is the county foodbank topped up with a shop for some items, and sell by dated food also.

The usage of official charitable status 'food banks' is heavily regulated to only so many times in a certain period and you do need to be referred which can be difficult to access unless you are in dire need!🙄I know this to be true from the soul destroying experience one of my grandsons unfortunately went through a while ago due to sickness and consequent unemployment. 😥
What I think is happening here is that what the friend is calling a food 'bank' is in fact one of those places where anyone can just go in and either the stuff available is very cheap or in some instances totally free and I think there are now quite a few of those around?
For instance our local village hall here in the 'clay' area of Cornwall gives away fresh donated produce and items from local supermarkets without any questions asked and there is also a van that goes around some of the villages but, while it's commendable and obviously necessary as so many people do really struggle these days to feed themselves and/or their family, I have always thought that this was wide open for abuse as there are sadly too many people who will happily just take advantage when they don't have any 'need' at all which, if everything the OP says is true, her friend fits right into that category and should be bloody well ashamed of herself! 😡

I thought you could only go to a food bank if you had a referral letter from the social. I didn't think anyone could just carte blanche walk in

I think you need to be more precise about what sort of food bank your friend is using, or if it is indeed a community pantry. I don't think anyone can use a food bank weekly for a year.

What happens if someone is referred to a food bank but their financial situation is not going to change for a few months?
A friend of mine has had his PIP totally stopped after reassessment, and he is in dire straits. Going to MR etc is going to take months.

Have just looked at food banks in my local area. Food banks run by churches, salvation army etc need referrals from doctors, social services. There are some food banks that are held in other places mainly for the homeless where everyone is welcome to collect food parcels, sleeping bags, clothes etc.

Even the salvation army only let you have so many food parcels before you have to have a 3 month break.

I think the OP's friend must be using a community pantry which is completely different.

Those that donate to a charity have the right question that its ’funds’ are being used legitimately. Charities should have plans in place to make sure their money is spent well. I donate to a food bank regularly, I’d hope those that are using it aren’t buying flights to Australia, which I am not!

Agreed.

Good. Not everybody is going to believe the OP, when it is plain to see that she is talking nonsense.

Sounds like a community cupboard which is about reducing food waste (at least in my local one) but of course has many people in need also using them. I volunteer at a clothes bank whose aim is to reduce landfill. It is mostly attended by people looking for things for them or their kids but we do have to watch for individuals looking to sell items on. It's difficult because doing that could be what allows them to put food on the table. In the end who knows anyone's situation and I'm just hopeful everyone benefits whilst accepting there will always be people who will be possibly take the mick.

Well clearly they are otherwise this thread wouldn’t exist 🙄. I’m presuming you are part of the ‘no one can afford nice things on benefits’ brigade?

"Sounds like a community cupboard"

This is the new 'cancel the cheque'.

It has been made clear that it is not a community pantry/fridge.

Also for everyone saying food banks are only by referral - not everywhere they aren’t. We have 2 in my town and you don’t need a referral to use them, and before anyone comments, no they aren’t community pantries (we have those too) they are food banks. So your friend is being a CF!

This is despicable on her part. I work in a role that involves regular food bank referrals for people who are in crisis and cannot afford to feed themselves so the fact she is using it just because she wants to save the money to travel abroad makes my blood boil. She could be telling lies to get the referrals as well which is even worse. I’d personally be outing her to the food bank.

Indeed! And I would have pitched up and said the ‘community pantry’ line too however the details tally with another tale I have been told of a deputy head of a secondary who apparently goes to a drive through food bank weekly where they get a pre-prepared parcel. Sounded like a tall tale but I looked this up and there definitely are places that do distribute food without a referral so it is possible. Crazy situation all round for those who run it, donate to it and take food when they don’t need to!

I run a food bank in my community hall. We don't need referrals and we usually have meat and dairy and plenty of fresh food. It is free for anyone and it is primarily to help people you are struggling. People come every week. Some people may say it's not a food bank but thats what we call it. HTH