To be shocked my friend is using the food bank?

[thatsmeinthecrunchcorner]

I've name changed as possibly outing and I'm fully prepared to be told that IABU, but just wanted to know if I'm understanding the food bank issue here.
Friend has 3 DC, 2 of whom are primary school age. She's never worked due to childcare cost and her DH had his own business, which he sold as they are trying to emigrate to Australia (her parents emigrated there years ago) and he needs to get some specific qualifications so he studies part time and works part time. She told me recently things have been very tight and that she has been using a food bank weekly for the last year. I was really taken back as they get takeaways, the DC get new up to date sports wear and go on days out to theme parks, where they also buy food. They have 'summered' in Australia every year to visit her parents for the 6 weeks holidays. She was saying a few months ago that flights have really gone up this year so they might not go away. I said I understand, we cannot afford a holiday this year so suggested we could do some day trips together with the DC.
Saw her yesterday and she said she's just booked, it was very expensive but "we can't not go, the DC really wants to go". I assumed maybe her parents paid the tickets (she said it was £3.2k) but then she said she'd built up some savings due to not doing a big shop as she was using the food bank now. I was horrified by this, I donate to the food bank as to me it's a lifeline for those who need to feed their family. It's made me think differently of her but maybe AIBU here? DH said the food bank is there for those who need it, she's not doing anything wrong so to speak, but surely it's not there to help people save money for trips abroad?

This was the point of this thread, to see if AIBU in thinking that you don't use a food bank unless you are in dire straits.

So choosing to buy an unnecessary expensive games console knowingly leaving your children without food is not bad parenting???
OK.
And these people received your referral to a good bank because they are "bad at budgeting" ?

I'm all for stepping back and trying not to be judgemental, but seriously, the amount of people tying themselves in knots trying to justify the obvious piss takers is incredible.

Most people who use food banks do so due to necessity, but to deny that they are ever used by chancers ( per OPs example and this PP with the PS5 example) is ridiculous and untrue .

Jealous? Jealous of someone going on holiday while taking from people who actually need help? That says more about your priorities than anything else.

Society is in trouble because this kind of thinking is becoming normal. We are a social species: what we do affects other people, whether we like it or not.

The ‘mind your own business’ attitude is exactly how you end up with a society where nothing is anyone’s responsibility… until it suddenly is.

Don’t think jealousy comes into it. You obviously think this is ok. Do you do the same ?

I don't go to one, but we've got one round here too.
A community pantry is for everyone, it's not the same as a food bank.

The concept of many food banks ...is cheaper food and food waste prevention ...they are often just a community resource and not designed for the 'needy'

I'm not sure if you ever clarified the rules of the scheme you are supporting?

Of course she shouldn’t be using a food bank she’s just spent 3k on flights.

Other people, like me, who used to donate to food banks live on a budget, don’t have holidays or treats.

A food bank is for someone in an emergency for example leaving a violent partner. i was that person once and there was no such things as food banks.

They were designed to support those facing food insecurity so not for someone so that they can go on holiday.
I would never use this facility as I don’t need it but it goes to show that some people are just I greedy .

I've just googled this, and can see that there is a community pantry in our small town - I had no idea! I wouldn't dream of using it, as we can afford to pay for our shopping.

Im not surprised. A former friend knew somebody who used to use the food bank ... she was a multimillionaire with a massive housing portfolio.

I've just googled this, and can see that there is a community pantry in our small town - I had no idea! I wouldn't dream of using it, as we can afford to pay for our shopping.

The whole purpose of a community pantry is to stop food being wasted, that's it nothing else. At the one I go to they end up with so much food still left at the end that they will let you have as much stuff as you like if you turn up near the end (it only operates for an hour a week). I only ever take what I think I can use that week and spend most of my time saying no thank you to the volunteers (there are only so many banana smoothies/muffins/banana bread that I can make in a week).

It's totally different to the food bank system where presumably ordinary people have paid for stuff as donations to help people less well off then themselves. Taking stuff from a food bank when you don't need the help is taking the piss IMO.

Yes, I know, but somehow I'd still worry that I was talking something that someone else in need might want.

If it's a food bank designed for the needy, then yanbu. Loads of PPs telling you to wind your neck , none of your business etc- actually, if your friend is taking food meant for the poor and the vulnerable she is a shameless, immoral, disgrace. The fact that people can't see that taking food from the mouths of the hungry is immoral says a lot about our society today.

However, some food bank esque things are actually designed to use up unsold or unwanted food as much as they help the vulnerable- if she's using one of those then that's fine. Presumably there's a downside to using them (choice, convenience etc.) or everyone would be doing it.

Presumably there's a downside to using them (choice, convenience etc.) or everyone would be doing it.

I have a friend who won't come with me because she insists on having Maris Piper potatoes 😂I think most people either can't be arsed or don't want other people to think that they have no money. I view it like being on Ready Steady Cook.

It's very popular in my area. People queue outside waiting for it to open and it snakes around the building.

My local one calls itself a community supermarket. You pay £5 for a yearly membership and then you can pay up anything from £3-£10 for a small bag of food up to roughly 3 bags of food. Some have limits and you can only take 1 or 2 and some are unlimited.

It saves a fortune and I plan my shopping around it. You are limited to going twice a week. There's always a wide choice, it's literally a mini supermarket with shelfs, fridges and freezers.

You're a better, more moral person than your friend OP. Congratulations. Here's your medal 🥇

Well not really - not if you're donating food on the assumption it's for people in need. This woman clearly does not need it.

Lots of scroungers in today's society

Yes it’s clarified it for me. I prefer to give to the needy food banks.
I get the concept of less waste but I’d rather give to a food bank than a community food bank for those who really struggle not just to help people go on holiday.
The rules seem to vary on different areas.

Food banks, which need referrals, absolutely are for people struggling

Open community food waste clubs are for everyone and due to the sheer amount of food waste they need more people to use them so need people to get their heads round that!

The one I use is for all. You pay £3.60 for a ‘mystery crate’ where you get what you’re given, then there are optional extras available to buy

They always still have too much and have to throw some away; it’s incredibly frustrating for them how difficult it is to persuade people everyone should be using them - no matter what your salary or savings!

We have a community food share thing that anyone can go to - it’s to combat food waste and you can fill a bag for £3. Is that the sort of thing she’s using?

I get the concept of less waste but I’d rather give to a food bank than a community food bank for those who really struggle not just to help people go on holiday.

I'm not sure that any community pantries/foodhubs/foodshares etc. ask for food donations from the public. They've said that they'll take any spare apples that I have in autumn but generally all the food comes from local shops. I'm not really sure what you mean by a community food bank.

Do you actually know every single food bank? Really I’m impressed. I the one I know gives people food every single week. Has free washing and drying facilities. Showers etc and benefit help etc. I live in a very deprived area. They also have free WiFi and computer access. And two free meals a week.
Its charity run with support from the council.

A few locally to me tiun by churches you can.

YANBU.
I used to work at a non referral food bank, where we took weekly orders from users. We obviously didn’t know who they were but I got disenchanted with the model after a while.

we’d get requests like - please don’t give us own brand baked beans, only give us Heinz. We don’t like fusilli, only penne. I just kind of thought - accept what you’re given?? Everything here is from community donation, you’re not entitled to it. We don’t even know if you need it.

that said the value of what they were given was probably about £50-80 per household depending on size, and it wasn’t intended to be a full store cupboard supply, but often I was shocked at attitudes.

@dontmalbeconme but they do at church run ones, I know someone with a few thousands in the bank , he's not on benefits or anything he takes his parents there every week and always bring a box full home for himself, it makes you not want to give to food banks when they are letting with money use them.