To be shocked my friend is using the food bank?

[thatsmeinthecrunchcorner]

I've name changed as possibly outing and I'm fully prepared to be told that IABU, but just wanted to know if I'm understanding the food bank issue here.
Friend has 3 DC, 2 of whom are primary school age. She's never worked due to childcare cost and her DH had his own business, which he sold as they are trying to emigrate to Australia (her parents emigrated there years ago) and he needs to get some specific qualifications so he studies part time and works part time. She told me recently things have been very tight and that she has been using a food bank weekly for the last year. I was really taken back as they get takeaways, the DC get new up to date sports wear and go on days out to theme parks, where they also buy food. They have 'summered' in Australia every year to visit her parents for the 6 weeks holidays. She was saying a few months ago that flights have really gone up this year so they might not go away. I said I understand, we cannot afford a holiday this year so suggested we could do some day trips together with the DC.
Saw her yesterday and she said she's just booked, it was very expensive but "we can't not go, the DC really wants to go". I assumed maybe her parents paid the tickets (she said it was £3.2k) but then she said she'd built up some savings due to not doing a big shop as she was using the food bank now. I was horrified by this, I donate to the food bank as to me it's a lifeline for those who need to feed their family. It's made me think differently of her but maybe AIBU here? DH said the food bank is there for those who need it, she's not doing anything wrong so to speak, but surely it's not there to help people save money for trips abroad?

The number of people who haven't RTFT seems particularly high on this thread. The OP has explained the type of food bank - church run, no referral required, not a community pantry. All you have to do is search and read the OP's threads.

I agree with OP, opting to declare yourself in need & using a food bank in order to save money for flights is morally wrong. Food banks around me are regularly running out of food.

It's not that people haven't RTFT, it's just that people know that non voucher foodbanks that give out high value food parcels to the same family every week for a year simply don't exist. So they're discounting that information because clearly nonsense.

It's still taking the piss... In OP post she's still having regular expensive days out etc... Not living in food poverty.

Like many here, I've donated to food banks... I don't have a huge amount of money spare... But I want to do this.

Someone I know said that she purposely only worked a few hours a week to get benefits and also purposely burst into tears so the volunteers would give her extra bags of food...

I don't know why she was boasting about this..

Have you even read the thread?

Above a poster who works for Trussell has helpfully explained things, please read their post.

Yes she’s taking the piss. If you can afford 3k flights, you shouldn’t be using a food bank.

Yeah, I work for a foodbank, have done for more than a decade. No foodbank is giving out thousands of pounds worth of food over a year to one family without any form of verification, unless it's purpose is reducing food waste "a community lader", in which case your friend is doing a good thing using it.

You are either mistaken, or have an alternative agenda for this post.

Yes, there’s a few non referral real food banks around here. Not community pantries - food banks.

Some give packets, tins etc and also issue vouchers for a supermarket ‘fresh food’ scheme.

I don’t know what OPs friend is doing - but not all food banks need referrals.

It seems unethical to me too but you’re assuming she’s taking food from someone else who needs it more and we don’t know if that’s the case at all. Perhaps they have enough to cover everyone in need, they may even have surplus for all we know. I think she needs to stop being a grifter and get a job.

There might be non-referral foodbanks, but they're not going to be giving thousands of pounds worth of food to one family every week for a year with no verification. OP has jumped the shark here.

They work on referral so someone has deemed that she needs it. A health visitor asked me if I need it because I am now a single mum, fortunately I explained to her I don't need it.

Also just because someone appears to be doing well for example nice sports wear and holidays - how do you know these were not gifted?

My brother gifted me a handbag that was rather dear recently to cheer me up from a difficult divorce and my family are paying for me and my kids to go on a holiday.

Although I am doing well financially as a single mum, I couldn't afford the holiday and handbag.

Deleted

I suppose if you are just using a food bank to save money as it could be in this case, it’s down to your own moral standards.
This spoils it for those who are really in need. I donate locally, on one occasion a young guy came in and said he required help for him and his family for 3 weeks as he was waiting on his wage due to starting a new job. It broke my heart as he seemed so embarrassed to be there. If it wouldn’t have embarrassed him further I would have given him my donations and purchased more.
yes like the OP I would be surprised I. This case.

YANBU if she can afford flights to Australia, takeaways, the latest sports gear for her kids etc… she does not need to get free food from either a community kitchen or food bank. These facilities are to help those who need help, not to help someone pay for luxury items.

You’re getting a lot of blow back, but I agree with you. Too many excuses being made for someone blatantly taking the piss.

If it bothers you so much, tell on her.

It’s a community pantry!! Very well advertised !! I get emails every week that they’re missing me as I haven’t shopped there for a while !! And it’s none of your business your just jealous of your’ friend’

To who? I think MI5 have bigger fish to fry truly.

Maybe the CIA? 🤣

Are you the OP's friend? If not, how do you know which food bank/pantry she's taking about?

To wherever she is getting her food from. 😂

I think it’s ridiculous. And the fact that some people here don’t see the issue just shows how people’s priorities are messed up.

There is no way I would go and collect food that is meant for people who are struggling just so I can go on an overseas vacation.
We don’t even go on vacation every year, even though we could easily afford it.

It’s sad that we live in a world where people struggling is framed as ‘I can’t go on holiday twice a year’.

I'm involved in referring people to food banks, a lot of people simply have no money for food as they prioritise other non-essential spending first. Basic financial and budgeting education is very lacking in the UK. Ultimately though, they have no money for food and who would leave kids hungry? I've referred someone for spending a huge chunk of UC on a PS5 for their kids and had no money for food by the end of the month. Not a bad parent just very bad at budgeting.

So what is your understanding of bad parenting?

In my view, choosing not to properly feed your children in order to spend money on unnecessary things is a clear example of poor parenting.

Becoming a parent comes with responsibilities that require learning, especially around priorities and budgeting. If someone is unable or unwilling to do that, then they are not fulfilling their role properly.

What I find concerning is that this kind of behaviour is increasingly seen as acceptable. People won’t change or improve if we keep normalising it.

Nowhere have I said that she's getting thousands of pounds of free food. My question is that AIBU to think food banks are for people struggling to live, rather than using them to help save money for better things.

I'm not even remotely jealous, I can assure you.