To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

[Yasminaschool]

I have changed my user name for obvious reasons.

Ex and I have a very fractious relationship, despite my best efforts to keep things civil for our child’s sake. He has become increasingly nasty in recent weeks and is rubbing his new relationship in my face.

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him but at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful.

I know I shouldn’t but I really want to retaliate. My friend has suggested that a teacher needs to declare any relationship with a parent and that I should contact the school to raise this.

Is this too petty? Any other suggestions for revenge?

She is being incredibly unprofessional so there is no reason you need to protect him or her

i work in a school and I would expect to be pulled up if I were having a relationship with a parent, especially one who was going through a difficult break up with another parent. Students come first, not cheap shags.

He obviously doesn’t care much about her or her career or he wouldn’t be opening her up to such easy criticism.

Do her a favour and report it to the school OP.

Take the high road, let him be the dick head here. If your school does have a policy on this it won’t be too long before they are found out anyway. I’d ask him to only communicate with u if it’s about your children from now on. You’ll feel great that you were the bigger person.

I thought it would be against policy, so having googled it I’m surprised to find that it isn’t.

Take a deep breath OP. It’s obvious he has got to you. First question is: sweeping their sexual relationship to one side, is there anything else about them dating that could be detrimental to your child’s wellbeing? Is it literally the fact they are sleeping together and you think it’s inappropriate or is there more to it? When you say ‘fractious,’ any domestic abusive/voervive control?

Having worked at school and knowing the personal family information that’s available on the systems within the school, I’d be deeply uncomfortable that he could influence or be privy to information that you would want to be confidential.

You of course need to make the school aware, but in a calm, factual way. I would send an email stating the father of your child has recently informed you he is in a relationship with a teacher at the school. Whilst you understand that there are no laws against this, it does make you feel concerned about the potential for sharing personal information and you would like to be assured that anything confidential you chose to share with the school in the future would not be passed on.

Don’t get into any salacious stuff or air any personal grievances. Just let them know it’s happening and put them on notice that you expect the staff to remain professional.

Very petty shut it down. Ignore it otherwise t you are just giving him encouragement to annoy you.

This 100%

He's playing you for a reaction,don't get drawn in by him.

I agree with previous comments re ‘getting revenge’ just makes you look crazy and not fair on the teacher who has done nothing wrong. However, if it’s a primary school context and a possibility that your child might be put in her class I don’t think it’s unreasonable to mention to the school that you have a fractious relationship with the father of your child who is now dating X teacher- and you would really appreciate if your child could not be put in her class. I mean just imagine parents evening 😱

Wait until he finds something to laugh about her. And he will and she won’t be laughing then. He sounds awful and you’re well rid of that. Not sure about the relationship, it’s not ideal as your child’s teacher but not against the rules.

Don’t give him the reaction he clearly wants. How do you know those conversations happened the way he said? You weren’t there when they “both laughed” surely.

He might even only be with her to try to cause trouble and wind you up. He could be using her - if he’s an abusive person, they love a triangulation. He doesn’t sound particularly happy/“less miserable” himself if he’s sending you their messages and putting you down. How would she feel if she knew their private messages were being read by you - I bet she doesn’t know.

If it’s not against policy for them to date, don’t contact the school - you would just come across as bitter and unhinged.

Reporting this will let him know this bothers you. Which is exactly what he wants.

But cruel though isn’t when they are laughing about it and she’s a teacher at the child’s school. Morals have sunk

So just because she's a teacher and not another profession you feel in a position to want and be able to cause problems for her? Why can't teachers have private lives as well, it's not illegal or illicit to hook up with a parent.

How do you know what he's saying is even true and not just to torment you? This is him, she's just dating a free man and has most likely not said anything because she knows it would be unprofessional.

I doubt she is really.

He’s doing it to get a rise out of you, and it sounds like you’re rising to the occasion. It’s also likely to be total bollocks.

Just don’t respond, at all.

This. Take a deep breath and ignore his gloating.

Rise above his vulgar, small minded nastiness, and be dignified, calm, professional, and above all, supportive of your child.

Do you really think your child needs their parents to be the topic of the whole school's gossip? How humiliated will they feel?

Bollocks.

It’s not ‘incredibly unprofessional’ for a teacher to have a personal relationship with a parent and if you would expect to be ‘pulled up’ for doing so then you should find a different school to work in.

Sounds like he is trying to get a reaction from you. If he is talking about her like this then feel sorry for her but don't give him what he wants

OP your only objective is to appear like you couldn’t give a shit and then to actually not give a shit.

He is ridiculous and boasting or lying - yawn - who cares.

Focus on your daughter and having an effective coparenting relationship.

Reporting this would reflect on you and only generate sympathy for the teacher. Any faux naivety in a can I be reassured she won’t access personal info would be preposterous as actually there is scant info available to the general teacher and GDPR means things are only shared when they need to be. It’s not a doctor’s surgery where a determined staff member could excavate layers of history. Unless she is DSL she won’t even have access to CPOMS histories etc.

Honestly OP work on your hurt and self esteem. You need compassion not vengeance.

She’s not your child’s teacher and it’s likely that she’s already reported it, considering as you found out so easily.

Gently, he’s moved on and you need to too.

JFDI x

And so what if it is ?

How is it your business

You sound jealous and bitter

Move on

Everyone in the comments not seeing the issue with this baffling! I’d question this teachers professionalism and raise a complaint very inappropriate for a teacher to be dating an ex pupils father and then discussing their sex life!

No thanks, I appreciate being in a school that puts children first.

A couple of years ago we had a situation where a teacher was dating a separated father. She began playing obvious favourites with the child concerned and started bitching about the child’s mother to other staff. She was asked to resign in the end. Not all teachers in relationships with parents will act that unprofessionally, but why would a school want to take the risk? Why would a decent parent want to take the risk?

And?

I don't think there is any rule against parent teacher relationships, especially if the child of said parent isn't even in the teachers class. If you did complain, most likely nothing would happen but school would remember you and your child as the parent who wrote a vindictive email.