To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

[Yasminaschool]

I have changed my user name for obvious reasons.

Ex and I have a very fractious relationship, despite my best efforts to keep things civil for our child’s sake. He has become increasingly nasty in recent weeks and is rubbing his new relationship in my face.

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him but at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful.

I know I shouldn’t but I really want to retaliate. My friend has suggested that a teacher needs to declare any relationship with a parent and that I should contact the school to raise this.

Is this too petty? Any other suggestions for revenge?

WTF?

Of course she's not vulnerable.

Her new bloke has told his ex about their sex life.

The end.

If anything I’d go to the teacher herself show her the messages and let her know that he is telling you about her sex life

Oooh, this. Definitely this.

Screen shot that message. Send it to the teacher

All personal feelings aside any relationship with a parent of a child in a school you work in, is a safeguarding issue and should be disclosed to the school. She should have done this already but I would make an appointment to see SLT in the school. This is not revengeful or spiteful. I am SLT in a primary school.

You both sound terrible.

Report her for what?

It really is none of your business.

Unless she’s a nun, I wouldn’t report it.

If there is a school policy about parents dating teachers then definitely report him straight away.

Otherwise, bide your time. He is a real shithead for sending you those messages. I think his new girlfriend may tumble to what he is really like. Sooner rather later.

He's not a great catch. Is he.

Don't delete the messages. You never know,may need them in the future

grow up

Don't do it, don't let him get into your head like this.

You'll come across as a sad, bitter ex.

And definitely don't do the "I'm only reporting this out of concern for the teacher" shtick.

Unless any message you receive is related to childcare arrangements, totally ignore it. He is obviously trying to get a rise out of you and it’s clearly working. What he does with whom is none of your concern anymore, focus on yourself and your child.

He sent the messages in responses to the OP hounding him for weeks about his relationship

This is definitely not what would happen at either of the schools I’ve worked at recently.
If anything, staff would be falling over themselves to show the OP that we aren’t alll completely unprofessional and everyone would feel like they could no longer trust the parent shagging teacher who clearly has no regard for professional boundaries. It would be the teacher that ended up with a bad reputation, not a parent who was understandably concerned about the effect this might have on their child.

"hounding" is that genteel for stalking?

You’re considering revenge on the wrong person. Your ex’s girlfriend could be a completely innocent party here- you don’t know that your ex isn’t making everything up that he’s saying. He sounds like a dick tbh, so your ‘revenge’ should just be living your best life and feeling glad to be shot of him.

What... no

Hounding means repeatedly asking 🙄
The OP even had another post a few weeks ago (before the name change) about how she kept asking him and he wouldn't answer her.

She needs to stop, it’s over. She needs to focus on moving on not what he is doing.

This!
Id be mortified if a man was telling his ex about our sex life. I wouldn’t be punishing her for that.

If it were your child's teacher this might be an issue. If it's just a random teacher there is no issue. If there is a chance your child may have this teacher in September you could mention the relationship to the school because they may wish to avoid it. But Educators often end up teaching their own children for various reasons. It's more of an issue to the student much of the time! There is nothing to "report". Your desire to attempt to destroy the career of an Educator is truly concerning.

Can you explain how it’s a safeguarding issue? I can’t see it.

This!

Really? 🙄