To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

[Yasminaschool]

I have changed my user name for obvious reasons.

Ex and I have a very fractious relationship, despite my best efforts to keep things civil for our child’s sake. He has become increasingly nasty in recent weeks and is rubbing his new relationship in my face.

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him but at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful.

I know I shouldn’t but I really want to retaliate. My friend has suggested that a teacher needs to declare any relationship with a parent and that I should contact the school to raise this.

Is this too petty? Any other suggestions for revenge?

Revenge is a dish best served cold lol. Personally though I wotld be pitying this poor woman not taking out your annoyance on her. Best thing you can do is to find yourself a nice fella who will appreciate you and may well be better in bed than your Ex. Good luck

No. The child isn’t at risk here. Can one of you explain the grounds if it’s so obvious? Safeguarding isn’t just stopping anything upsetting happening near a child.

I've had 30 years in teaching, and been SLT for quite a few of them. This is not a safeguarding issue. It concerns me if you believe this, and I would recommend you update your training.

The child is not at risk and the teacher has no obligation to disclose her personal dating life to the school.

She absolutely is if she’s dating a parent.

She only has an obligation to inform the school if your specific school has a policy that states that staff must disclose if they are dating a parent.

In 30 years I have never worked in a school that had this policy. Either way, it is not a safeguarding issue.

What is the safeguarding risk though?

A better idea would be to ask for a quiet word with her and show her the texts he has sent you. Even if she is doing the things he says, fairly sure he wouldnt be happy with him telling everyone about it! And I doubt they have been laughing about you your ex not having sex. I'm sure he has painted a very 'woe is me' picture of himself to her. And I doubt laughing at you is part of it. More fool her if they are. She'll be next for that treatment

I think the fact you are hearing about their sex life needs a conversation between you and the teacher.
Pull her aside and say tell him to reign it in or im taking it further.
Teacher should know better surely ? What else is he saying about you its wrong on so many levels he is an absolute prick by the sounds of it .

This man is talking, bragging whatever about this teacher’s sex life and she also needs to be safeguarded. In my trust you do have to disclose any relationship with another teacher or parent. He sounds awful!

Again... seeing as this is apparently your job, can you actually explain the safeguarding risk? What would you do if this was reported?

Or the OP can stop asking her ex about his romantic life? Then she won't have to hear anything

It’s a part of my job and her privacy and well being are being violated.

Whose?

🙄 I think you need a new job

He does sound awful. But where is the safeguarding risk to the child?

The teacher’s, privacy - yes. She’s not a vulnerable person though, so safeguarding doesn’t apply.

There isn't.

Exactly

And I'm sure she would be mortified by her colleagues approaching her because her new boyfriends jealous ex has been discussing her sex life with her employer 😬 And then a nosey colleague coming to portray her as a vulnerable person when it's quite likely she's enjoying her sex life!

But initially, he didn't want to talk about the relationship at all. In fact, he denied he was even having one. The OP kept on and on trying to make him tell her about it.

So I strongly suspect there's an element of him thinking 'Right, you know what? You want to harass me over this? You won't let this go, even though no good will come of me telling you? OK, then I'll tell you, but I'll make sure that when I've finished, you'll regret that you ever asked.'

I'm not saying he comes out of this covered in glory, but I think there's a lot more context to all this that the OP is missing out and I don't think she's quite as much the victim as she suggests.

I actually think this OP has posted before, possibly under different user names, and if it's the same person I think she is, there is a lot of obsessing over the ex and a lot of unhealthy bitterness and metaphorical scab-picking.