To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

[Yasminaschool]

I have changed my user name for obvious reasons.

Ex and I have a very fractious relationship, despite my best efforts to keep things civil for our child’s sake. He has become increasingly nasty in recent weeks and is rubbing his new relationship in my face.

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him but at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful.

I know I shouldn’t but I really want to retaliate. My friend has suggested that a teacher needs to declare any relationship with a parent and that I should contact the school to raise this.

Is this too petty? Any other suggestions for revenge?

This

You just sound bitter and angry too @Pistachiocake

He only gave in and told her after OP asked him over and over, repeatedly. OP went looking for this. Dumb. Just move on. I don’t know why OP thought they had any right to know who her ex is seeing. It’s nothing to do with her.

I think its petty and bitter...your child is the important one so tit for tat is only damaging your child. Yes its hurtful and no one likes to hear nasty things but you have to grow up and rise above it

It makes you sound spiteful and vindictive, not a good look.

You want your children to lose a teacher from their school? You want another woman to lose her job? Have a word with yourself. You're the absolute epitome of psycho jealous ex.

It* *sounds like she does but teachers do not lose their jobs for having sex with parents. Even cheap sex!

Actually I'd have a subtle word with the headteacher and say you're concerned your ex is spreading salacious sex related info about the teacher (their employee) he is claiming to date, because thats what he's doing. She might be completely horrified. Say you have a record of his comments. I'd be shocked if any man spoke about me like that.

Be the better person and ignore.

So you would want your boss to be the person who informed you of this?

How on earth is that appropriate?

This advice is sound.

Don’t be bitter Op, be better. Reporting this to the school just makes you look petty, insecure and jealous. You are simply feeding your ex’s ego if you do that, ignore him and rise above.

Let it go, tell him you are happy for him because you could never compromise yourself to that extent- it will infuriate him, trust me.

But she isn't concerned... she bombarded him for weeks. It's also HIS sex life he is discussing.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the school.

Exactly. She’s not concerned, she’s jealous

What's wrong with that?

You need to stop obsessing over your ex.

You say he is 'rubbing his new relationship in your face'. He wasn't, though, was he? You found out about it 'through a third party' and then pestered him repeatedly about it until he told you, despite it being none of your business.

It was indeed nasty of him to go on about their sex life, but that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't kept on at him about it.

Honestly, you sound as bad as each other. The only one who doesn't come out of this is the woman you've decided to throw under the bus for the crime of having a sex life with a man who was single and available.

But being human I'd be tempted to tell her he is gloating about their sex life and passing on details to you. How revolting.

Agree with this. Man sounds like an arse.

Why? The teacher has got nothing to be ashamed of.

And he isn't spreading 'salacious sex info' to all and sundry; he told his ex-wife who made a point of repeatedly asking him about his relationship.

Even if he was telling all and sundry, that still wouldn't have anything to do with the teacher's boss.

'Woman fucks boyfriend' doesn't suddenly become headline news just because the woman is a teacher, no matter what the specifics are.

His new relationship is nothing to do with you. They are both consenting adults. Move your life on

He prefers her to you so you want to punish her, it’s not her fault.

Who says " not allowed" ? Never seen that written in a teachers contract!

But it’s no just that, is it? It’s what the ex has done that has led to this. It seems that the ex might not be over the OP, either:

at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life

I agree that the OP shouldn’t retaliate, but she’s due some understanding istm

She shouldn't be surprised if he has told her about his sex life with OP.

He seems very over the OP, I think that’s her very problem.

Op no kids ever need parents who get on this badly. You need to find a way to ignore or get along

The issue here for the school is that the teacher is vulnerable.

If this has been shared with the OP who else is he sharing with.

I wouldn't be reporting the teacher for a relationship. I would be informing the school that the teacher was in a vulnerable position - and potentially open to being blackmailed sexually for example.

I would stress that if the teacher is happy with the relationship that was fine by me but the school/teacher should be aware of how she might be put into a position which was problematic and you have concerns about how this might ultimately impact on your child if it was made public.