To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

[Yasminaschool]

I have changed my user name for obvious reasons.

Ex and I have a very fractious relationship, despite my best efforts to keep things civil for our child’s sake. He has become increasingly nasty in recent weeks and is rubbing his new relationship in my face.

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him but at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful.

I know I shouldn’t but I really want to retaliate. My friend has suggested that a teacher needs to declare any relationship with a parent and that I should contact the school to raise this.

Is this too petty? Any other suggestions for revenge?

You want to punish a woman for the behaviour of a man?

Revenge isn't going to help and might possibly backfire on you.

But being human I'd be tempted to tell her he is gloating about their sex life and passing on details to you. How revolting.

Report her for what? Having a relationship with another grown adult?!?

It’s not a nice reflection on you that you’d try to get someone in trouble at work who hasn’t done anything to you. Your ex has told you she laughed, but you don’t know that. Even if she did… it’s personal not professional. It would be really nasty and vindictive to try to report her.

This again?

The woman didn't write any of those messages, he did so why are you looking to get revenge on her for dating a single man?

I don't know what her contract says and nor do you, but you're barking up the wrong tree if it's her you want to get revenge on.

And also - the best revenge is living your best life. Grey rock him. Seek your happiness inside.

Yes because this would be hurtful to him, and he is the one who has done something wrong.

Do you want to be seen as being as pathetic as he is?

Never heard of this.

in small villages it’s very common for the teachers kids to go to their school and the teacher is obviously married to the dad/mum

I think a teacher getting involved with a parent of a student presently at the school is not a good idea and not something I would have thought was recommended.

Definitely screenshot those messages OP.

But parent/ teacher relationships are not illegal?

As someone working in education leadership I would send a polite reply, delete your email and mentally categorise you as a bitter nutjob who tried to get her ex in trouble.

Unless there's some sort of rule that teachers must refrain from or declare relationships with parents to the school (is there?) then there really is nothing to tell. And even then, all they need to know is that the relationship exists.

He's a shit to taunt you like this but she hasn't done anything wrong.

Why are you so invested in his new relationship? Let him go. He sounds like a dickhead anyway, gloating at you. If you're separated, be separated and move on

Oh. No.

I don’t agree with reporting to the school but he is equally at fault here.

How do you know she hasn’t declared it (assuming it’s school policy - I'm recently retired from teaching and it never came up during my career for me to know if that would be a common stipulation or not)?

I think you’d be embarrassing yourself to be honest. There is no law against parent/teacher relationships and no obligation to report really, you’d just look very petty and give them something else to laugh at you about.

Move on, focus on yourself.

Unless you're still holding a spot for him why are you, in your own words repeatedly asking him about his relationship, unless his new partner is behaving untoward to your DC, which it doesn't sound as though they are, its really none of your business who he sees.

Teacher are allowed to date!

You need to work on moving on instead of making baseless reports about people.

If you do this you will look mental.

Stop discussing things like this with your ex, keep the conversation to kids only.

You need to move on.

You say you make efforts to keep things civil for your child’s sake then resort to this behaviour
Put your child first, let your ex get on with his life and you focus on yours
This tit for tat is achieving nothing . If you stop retaliating then your ex will get fed up and stop too .

Wow you and your ex sound as bad as each other

I'm feeling very sorry and alarmed for the teacher who has had her current partner/date/whatever send explicit and grahic messages about her to the parent of a child at her school. The more I think about this the more I think she ought to be told so she can make an informed decision about the fucker she is dating.

But I'm not sure how that could happen without the OP coming across like a nutjob.

I'm not clear what you hope to achieve here.
If things are so difficult with your ex might it be best to use a parenting app, block him and delete his email/ phone numbers?
The best revenge is a life well lived.