To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

[Yasminaschool]

I have changed my user name for obvious reasons.

Ex and I have a very fractious relationship, despite my best efforts to keep things civil for our child’s sake. He has become increasingly nasty in recent weeks and is rubbing his new relationship in my face.

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him but at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful.

I know I shouldn’t but I really want to retaliate. My friend has suggested that a teacher needs to declare any relationship with a parent and that I should contact the school to raise this.

Is this too petty? Any other suggestions for revenge?

Some parents work in schools their children go to. They have friendships with other staff, which could result in a relationship. The school won't be concerned about this, it's not against protocol.

Your ex is trying (and succeeding) to wind you up. You have no idea what she does or doesn't do with him or whether she would laugh at you. Ignore!

She might’ve declared it though, why do you think she hasn’t?

I Really wouldn’t. This teacher can make your kids life miserable in that school if she is anything like your ex. Saying that, she may have no idea he’s doing this so you’ll just be punishing her for the behaviour of yet another disgrace of a man.

Do not contact someone else's workplace because you hate your ex and want to retaliate. You'd be massively out of order and though you seem to think this poor woman answers to you because she's a teacher, you'll look a massive fool to her, her boss and colleagues.

There is no requirement to declare relationships with parents.

the teacher will not have declared it because there is nobody to declare it to.

the school will not care.

Sounds like a ‘relationship’ based on cheap shags and little else.

You don’t know that, OP. Not her side anyway. You sound bitter. I get being pissed off at what he is saying to you, but these comments aren’t going to make you feel any better.

According to who?

why are you pushing him on who he is sleeping with anyway, with the greatest of respect - it’s none of your business

@Yasminaschool the whole thing could be a pack of lies. I’d just communicate with him about your child through a parenting app and block him/don’t have any other contact. He is clearly trying to make you angry - why is he so bothered what you think? If his new relationship is so great, you’d be the last thing on his mind …

And yet for some reason it still makes you jealous ?

Relationships between teachers and parents are not against any rules or the teachers standards. It may infringe upon the particular schools requirements, but I doubt it.

You shouldn't be entertaining your ex and listening to his conquests, grey rock this guy to his core, stop giving him supply. Leave all comms strictly to children logistics end off. If he starts talking about anything else "Sorry Joe but I have to go now, bye!".

As far as you're concerned he could be shagging his teddy bear and you can't care less, he's an ex for a reason.

it might well be. Just cos she's a teacher doesn't mean she's not allowed a cheap shag relationship. Teachers get in shitty relationships like anyone else. I think you need to just detach from him. The messages he sent you were to wind you up and you are giving him what he wants. Just ignore.

The best way to annoy him is to ignore him! Answer any questions in the messages regarding your DC and ignore the other nonsense! He’s just trying to wind you up and he’ll be whooping with glee if you go for the school as he’ll know he’s got to you!

Exactly, it's not of the slightest interest to the school.

You would be embarassing yourself.

There is no regulation that states a teacher cannot date a parent, or that they have to declare the fact.

30 years a teacher, here. Your friend is mistaken. This woman has done nothing to be reported for; she is entitled to date who she chooses.

So, its a casual relationship, still not an issue in terms of her job.

Didn’t know shags could be cheap or expensive

No reason why a teacher can’t have a relationship with a parent. Every reason why you should not blame a woman for a man’s shitty behaviour.

Sir, Sir! Miss has got a boyfriend!

Get a grip. Your ex is lashing out, most people would do the same if they were being harassed and wound up like this.

At most I would check with her if she knows he is sharing details of their sex life.

Part of the problem here is that you kept pushing him to share details of his private life with you. I think that shows you need firmer boundaries.

My sons primary would have wanted to know so that teacher never taught your child secondary didn't give a shit

Back right off and focus on yourself.

What’s missing in your life that will make you feel better? Try and think about that and if you can take action such as as a new hobby then you’ll feel better about yourself.

She's a teacher, not a nun. She can have sex with whoever she wants. If she was your kid's class teacher she should let the SLT know she's seeing your ex, but it doesn't sound like she is.

He's the issue with his texts, not her.

I highly doubt the school would care about her dating an adult who happens to be a students parent