To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

[Yasminaschool]

I have changed my user name for obvious reasons.

Ex and I have a very fractious relationship, despite my best efforts to keep things civil for our child’s sake. He has become increasingly nasty in recent weeks and is rubbing his new relationship in my face.

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him but at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful.

I know I shouldn’t but I really want to retaliate. My friend has suggested that a teacher needs to declare any relationship with a parent and that I should contact the school to raise this.

Is this too petty? Any other suggestions for revenge?

My ex…sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years You know that this is all designed to hurt you, don’t you? I mean, it might be true that they have a very adventurous sex life, or it could be more vanilla than Mr Whippy. The point is, he knows exactly what to say to make you feel shit, and he’s saying it.

He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful Absolute bollocks. Imagine a new boyfriend bitching to you that his ex didn’t want to have sex with him much. Would any part of you find that comical? I mean, if you believed it, you might feel surprise, or pity, or confusion, but there’s nothing in there that’s humorous. 99.9% of women wouldn’t laugh at that. Again, he’s thought of the most hurtful thing he can think of and he’s aiming it right at you. I’d bet my next months salary that it never happened.

There is so much you could do as revenge, and I’m sure some of it would be enjoyable. We could all give you loads of witty put downs to use, and they’d find their target, but that’s only going to escalate how much he wants to see you upset. The very best revenge is for him to believe that you don’t care. Not a single bit. He could be having nightly sessions with half the PTA if he wanted, and it wouldn’t even warrant an eye roll from you. That will be what drives him mad; the inability to hurt you because you just don’t care enough.

You have to take a step back with demanding to know what he’s doing. That’s sod all to do with you anymore. If he texts you saying ‘We were swinging from the chandeliers last night, then fell asleep laughing at you’ the only reply to send him is if you need something relating to the children. If it doesn’t require a reply, then you don’t give him a reply. If it requires a reply unrelated to the DC or divorce proceedings, then you don’t give him a reply. You have to fake not caring until you genuinely don’t care.

I’d go with the “kill her with kindness” route here that will soon make her wonder

id personally want to tell the school tho as I wouldn’t want my kids in that class as that could be very awkward at parents evening and it would be more than fair to say you feel that it wouldn’t be appropriate.

She won’t come out looking like the bigger person though. She’ll come out of it looking like a bonkers ex because he’ll be able to show what led up to him admitting to the relationship. The teacher will be left wondering what the fuck she’s ended up in the middle of, while potentially teaching the OP’s child at some point in the future.

It's not illegal. Don't do it, it's not a good look. Comes across as jealous, petty and vindictive which it obviously is. She's also got no idea your ex has breached her privacy. He sounds awful. Why do women choose these men, and worse, have kids with them?! So depressing

Id message back saying fair enough but hope she didn’t laugh at his small cock 😬 but i’m a vindictive witch.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else.
I seem to recall reading similar not long ago.

Yep... I remember it. I think that's why the OP did a name change.

Also if their relationship ends badly - which it most definitely will (you might expedite the process by declaring this non issue) - your child could end up caught in the crossfire. She might take it out on your child (if she's half as petty as both of you). Just extremely shortsighted juvenile behaviour.

First post nails it.

Don’t take it out on her. It sounds like you’re best off out of it.

Yes, immediately rang bells with me too.

The school won't care, the professional issue for her would be if you were the type to read the messages out loud to your six closest mum friends at the gate for pick-up so they could support you in your distress.

However, I don't think you should do that as it could be construed as harassment and will definitely not improve your child's time at the school!

Does she teach your child? Or will she in the future? I wouldn’t be keen on it due to them seeing each other at weekends, might it blur the teacher/pupil relationship boundary too much?

Why did he start telling you about his sex life?
Can u not block or call.him to stop such crap being mentioned.
We had a parent date then married a parent.
Im sure unless she is the current teacher why does it matter?
Tell him to cut the crap.
It does seem to be a unhinged plot to try upset the teacher rather fire it to the creep you parent with.
Or ignore... switch to email only contact.

Don’t be silly.

There is nothing to be achieved. The head teacher/governors/ whoever you plan to report her to, really won’t care. You obviously don’t realise that teachers are allowed to relationships with parents. You don’t know that she hasn’t already declared it.

I’m a teacher and my partner is a fellow teacher who I met in school. One of the TAs is now married to a parent whose child used to be in her class. A lot of our staff have pupils who attend the school. I haves friends from a different school who is in a long term relationship with a pupils parent. It’s all very normal and not the big drama you think it is.

How is it her fault that your ex is a shit cunt?

I agree with this. If it was me I would absolutely want to know that the person I was dating was sharing intimate details about me, because I would never be okay with that and they'd be immediately dumped.

Problem here is I don't think that you would be able to do this solely for caring about the woman. You have called her a cheap shag. I bet she doesn't think that, and it's not her fault.

But absolutely do not report the relationship to the school. You will most certainly come across as 'the crazy ex wife'.

I work in a school. There's no need to let them know if dating a parent.

He probably have shown her already all the harassing messages you sent, and the wind-up replies he sent you.

You already gave him proof of the bitter ex in black and white.

Report her for what? Having a consensual relationship?

Personally I wouldn’t do it OP. Be the bigger person. People will tell you on here that you’re being crazy but I’m sure they wouldn’t like their dc teacher screwing their ex.

I’m in a similar situation. I’m pretty sure ds teacher either fancies or is involved with my XH. She refuses to speak to me at drops off and pick ups and gets the TA to do so. My friend has also told me she makes a beeline for XH whenever he is doing pick ups. Was also told by another school mother that they heard her give me a backhanded compliment to the other teachers on a recent school trip.

I’ve decided to just kill her with kindness. On the rare occasion she does come to speak to me, I’m very polite. I just chuckle silently as xh is handsome but a complete and utter nightmare to deal with. Very welcome to my sloppy seconds.

Just ignore the fool. Life has a way of sorting itself out.

Report him for what?

They are both grown adults.

You need to move on from all this toxicity.

Obsessing about getting revenge on your ex like this rather than focusing on building a new life for yourself is not healthy.

She most likely has already declared the relationship, so you'll just come off looking bitter. Plus, why is it the teacher's fault that the ex is texting awful things? They probably aren't even true and you'd punish her for his transgressions? Not very fair!

I understand why it hurts and why you feel like this but please don't act rashly in anger.

Sounds like a ‘relationship’ based on cheap shags and little else.

Yes it could be … then again it could be a committed relationship with a healthy enjoyable sex life for both parties .. you have no way of knowing .

You sound relieved not to be with him. Remember that and concentrate on enjoying your life.