To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

[Yasminaschool]

I have changed my user name for obvious reasons.

Ex and I have a very fractious relationship, despite my best efforts to keep things civil for our child’s sake. He has become increasingly nasty in recent weeks and is rubbing his new relationship in my face.

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him but at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful.

I know I shouldn’t but I really want to retaliate. My friend has suggested that a teacher needs to declare any relationship with a parent and that I should contact the school to raise this.

Is this too petty? Any other suggestions for revenge?

Tbh op I don't understand why you and your ex are discussing your sex lives with each other at all. Stop any talk like this, it's ridiculous!!! He sounds like he's about 15 bragging about a shag, don't stoop to his level by getting involved with his games ffs.

Why would you potentially put her career at risk? She’s not your ex and she hasn’t done anything wrong. You should send her the text messages though. I’d be furious if my boyfriend was talking about me like that to other people.

Unless the teacher is grading the child's work, there's no conflict of interest. The school won't take action.

Years ago, 'a member of the public' tried to report two teachers at the school where I worked - they were going out and subsequently got married. It was widely believed that an ex had made the report. The complaint was that teachers shouldn't be dating and that one of them was still legally married to his ex.

Your friend is wrong.

There are lots of things that teachers can't do but having a relationship with a divorced(?) adult man who coparents with his ex isn't one of them

He definitely knows how to push your buttons doesn't he??

She can have a relationship with whoever she likes. He's a single man and her taste in men / style of relationship is none of your business.

Next time he shares details of their sex life I would simply reply that you don't believe him and you don't want know!

If you absolutely feel you must do something I would screenshot his messages about what she does in the bedroom and (calmly, because she is not at fault!) approach her as a concerned fellow woman and if you were her you would want to know and show her what he is sharing about her. After that, I would stay the hell out of it.

Doing it to retaliate isn't a great idea. And, of course, teachers are allowed to date but they shouldn't really get themselves into situations that leave them open to having their sexual proclivities discussed with the parent of a child they teach. I've taught at a school where my relatives were being educated and I had to declare it and I wasn't allowed to be their class teacher.

This has obviously upset you. That's ok because it's upsetting but I think you need to separate the potential impact on your own child from your hurt. On the other hand, being upfront with the school and having a polite and mature conversation about how your ex is sending graphic details of the sex life of one of their members of staff also seems reasonable.

Just tread carefully.

Last guy I shagged took me out for dinner and treated me to the spa and that was an expensive shag. Maybe the OP's ex is walking to the teachers house with a bottle of Tesco Prosecco which makes it a cheap shag. Yes, shags can be cheap or expensive.

Hi op I would ignore him tbh he’s trying to hurt you if you do something he will know it’s got to you. Next time he gloats just say hey I would rather her be shagging you than me it’s not like you were any good and I was miserable with you so I might just go and thank this teacher for her letting you do what you want to her and put a laughing emoji he’s a tosser be grateful he’s gone.

You need to use an app for communication about logistics, and nothing else. Poor teacher, and your poor child.

@Yasminaschool the best revenge is getting to a place where you give zero fucks what your ex does to whom. Focus on that.

I’m a teacher (old and married, so it’s not me), but teachers are allowed to have consenting relationships.

The only time I’ve seen it cause real issues is when the teacher was currently teaching the child. It didn’t make any difference to the teacher, but the child’s mother, understandably, felt uncomfortable as she had to see her ex’s new partner every day at pick up. It was a big school, so at the request of the mother, they moved the child to another class.

You’re mad at him, I get it, but I’d just shut down any talk from the ex about his new relationship. Maybe move communication to a falling/parenting app. Just tell him you’re not interested in his new relationship, rinse and repeat.

Why are you so interested in who your ex is dating/shagging? You have repeatedly pestered him for information and now he's given you details you want "revenge"! Back off and only contact him about your DC. If he tries to bring up anything else just ignore. He's getting off on winding you up and the teacher has done nothing wrong.

save your energy for your child

In what world is it any of your business who he or the teacher sleep with?

Teachers are normally supposed to declare it if they are in a relationship with a parent. It doesn’t mean it is not allowed but it is not allowed to be secret.

Well give them a chance.

It sounds like a newish relationship and they take time to build.

But either way, she's dating a single man so no need to be spiteful to her.

And maybe she has reported it?

Why in the world would it be up to the OP to report it... it just screams of jealousy and if I was the School Head I'd be wondering what other grief the OP would be drawing on my staff.

Doesn't sound like he's very happy if he feels the need to gloat.
Don't get involved, keep your head high and don't start tit for tat

She’s done nothing wrong at the moment.

He’s telling you all of this to get a reaction. Stop giving him the satisfaction.

you need to move on. For your poor children sakes, your bitterness and jealousy will only hurt you and them.

Your ex is allowed to date any (adult) he wants. It has nothing to do with you

is rubbing his new relationship in my face.
He's not is he..

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him
You have been pestering and pestering him, and he ended up telling you what you don't want to hear.

Let it go, move, and stop harassing me. Who he has sex with is none of your business, it has no impact on your children, it's not even their teacher!

If you were the one in a new relationship, how would you feel if your ex was prodding you into revealing your new man's name, finding out where he worked and generally acting entitled to know every detail of your business?

How do you know she hasn't already declared it? The school is hardly going to tell you.
He's goading you because he wants a reaction, if you go to the school, you'll have played right into his hands.

It sounds like you're not over him. Think of how reporting something like this would benefit your children? It doesn't? Then keep out.

So what if it is? It's NOYB.

You are going to be the first one to complain if it's NOT just a few shags between single consenting adults, and she becomes the official partner involved in your children's life.

Stop right now, before you embarrass yourself publicly.