To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

[Yasminaschool]

I have changed my user name for obvious reasons.

Ex and I have a very fractious relationship, despite my best efforts to keep things civil for our child’s sake. He has become increasingly nasty in recent weeks and is rubbing his new relationship in my face.

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him but at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful.

I know I shouldn’t but I really want to retaliate. My friend has suggested that a teacher needs to declare any relationship with a parent and that I should contact the school to raise this.

Is this too petty? Any other suggestions for revenge?

Why?
What do you want to happen to her?

It’s not like a doctor dating his patient. It’s all above board ethically. It happened when my son was at primary school. His teacher starting dating one of the boys mothers. I think they ended up marrying. In a drama a few year’s back Caroline Quentin's character started dating her son’s teacher, it wasn’t part of a scandalous storyline.

Also, you’ve no idea if his bragging is BS, but I agree with a pp, maybe she needs to know he’s publicising his sex life in detail to his ex. Yuck.

As hurtful as it is, it really isn't any of your business, as long as it doesn't negatively impact your child. Reporting her to her school for having a consenting adult relationship with a single man will just make you look petty and vindictive. Just be glad you're no longer with him and pity her for what she'll eventually discover about him.

I would reach out to her and screenshot the messages he sent u and say this is home are going out with and as a parent I don’t need to know this. I bet she knows nothing about it.

Please seek therapy.

WTF. Why would you do that? This is very malicious behaviour.

The split is obviously hard and you’re hurting. In time you’ll heal. Concentrate on that.

Take the good advice on this board and work towards your future. By asking him questions about his relationship you’re giving him power to hurt you. Which he’s more than capable of doing.

It will get better/easier.

Unless it is written into her contract at the school (I very much doubt it is) I'm not sure what rule you think an adult woman dating a divorced man has broken? She isn't writing messages to you on the school messaging app about how great their sex is or similar, she is (so she thought) privately dating another adult in her own time.

Apart from looking ridiculous I'm not sure what going to the school and showing them these messages are going to achieve? Are you wanting the woman he is dating disciplined at work because your relationship hasn't worked out? You do just come across as a bitter and twisted ex out to try and ruin someone who has done nothing wrong. It's none of your business when it comes down to it, you are just going to embarrass yourself here.

Be the bigger person, ignore his silly messages and don’t report anything. It will only make you feel better temporarily.

As a Chair of Governors, I would tell the HT to file it in the round receptacle in the corner of the office and to respond to you, saying it is not the school's business and as an ex, probably not your's either. This petty behaviour will get you a reputation as "that parent", which I suggest is not something to which you should aspire.

@Yasminaschool As it isn't your child's teacher then I dont see the issue with them dating.

I would however be showing her the messages that he sent you and suggest that she might want to tell her boyfriend not to share such graphic descriptions of their sex life with other parents at the school!!

I think you need to focus on your child.

Does your ex's new partner teach your child? Are they likely to in future? I think it's reasonable to ask that that doesn't happen if it isn't a single form entry school.

What does your child know about the relationship? How does the school help children manage when they have a personal relationship with a teacher?

What are your other local primary schools like? Worth keeping in mind that you and your ex could agree it's better for your child to swap schools so they're not at the same school as the potential future step mum. May also be the case that the potential future step mum wants to change jobs soon anyway so this isn't an issue.

I would be tempted to move my childs school, as a teacher could be privvy to personal information you don't want your ex to know. The majority of teachers are great people who wouldn't tell the ex, but I wouldn't be able to risk that.

And I wouldn't report. But I would let the woman know your skeezy ex is bragging about their sex life to you and sharing details. She deserves to know that.

Your ex sounds awful, and your relationship is bitter and toxic. Dragging more people into this cesspit will only make it worse and is completely inappropriate. You will look ridiculous if you contact the workplace of someone your ex is sleeping with.

Your anger is misplaced. Getting her in trouble - if that is your aim, it may not even be an issue for the school - isn't going to stop him being a cunt.

Cheap sex and little else can be loads of fun and are teachers are not exempt from enjoying it!

If you want revenge on your ex then screen shot and send her the messages with a comment like ‘thought you should know what he is saying about you. Sorry, you don’t deserve it’. Hopefully if she has self respect she’ll dump him. It’s not her fault he is vile to you. And you come out looking like the bigger person.

Unless you think there is coercive control or the likelihood of violence, no. In any case that is probably a police matter.

This.
if he’s sharing it with you, he’s sharing it with his friends etc.

And so what if it is?

^ This.

Sounds like he’s trying to needle you and it’s working. I would take everything he says with a pinch of salt, I imagine most of it is untrue.
Also remember the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. If he truly wasn’t bothered about you views he wouldn’t say stuff to get a reaction.

I would think that he's telling the OP because she has been badgering him for weeks about HIS relationship and sex life that absolutely does not concern her.