AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

What is the difference between 3/4 times and 3/4 occasions?

Cats, purple, wine, cheese and books. Don't threaten me with a good time indeed!

OP and PP, as Ross discovered on Friends - even used correctly (ie not left inside the vagina!) condoms are far from 100% effective against pregnancy. About 80%.

That's most unpleasant.

I, myself, remove my member gently and take off the soiled condom, with a swift knotting action (taught to me by a sailor) I twirl it about my head and let it go - and one hopes it deposits itself (and contents) in Slough.

Regrettably to date I have only managed to achieve Staines.

Yuck. At worst he’s gross and has absolutely no respect for you. At worst he’s abusing you. How can you have this man around your children?

Dump him and get a tested.

@Slv199 I’m so pleased to hear you’ve decided not to sleep with this man again.

But I wanted to say that you’re absolutely not the only person this has happened to. When I was much younger a new partner left a condom inside me. I didn’t even notice, and travelled away for work the next day. Where my story differs from yours though, is that thankfully he realised what might have happened and asked, so I found it. He was suitably mortified, and (after a negative pregnancy test) the relationship carried on for a good while longer.

Please don’t resign yourself to a lifetime of purple cats.. just set your bar a little higher than it was for this one x

Christ alive

You have my sympathy OP, not just for the unfortunate events with this appalling specimen, but also for the hammering you’ve taken from some deeply unpleasant and judgemental types on here.
Pit of vipers indeed.

Well this thread went nasty quite quickly. No one knows this ladies circumstances, people need to see she came here for advice not judgement.
He sounds like an absolute wanker if I’m honest with you, I am sure you can do better.
Seeing the responses where you put yourself down upset me because I can relate. I say I’m old, fat and ugly too but the people I’m around put me in my place and tell me not to be so silly, it’s hard not to be hard on oneself when they have had a lifetime of others putting me down so I know how you feel.
Do you have friends? I ask because I don’t but I think it would help. Don’t be hard on yourself I am sure you are an amazing person, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Dump this guy and find one that you can be friends with first. I wish I could offer more advice but I’m not so great at this stuff either x

Thank you for sharing. I’m glad your man worked it out and let you know.

Lolz, Facebook shaggleplace 😆

You are also responsible for your own sexual health alongside what everyone else has said against him on this thread. I don't know how you're finding condoms inside you. That isn't normal.

I agree. I really don't understand this attitude some women have where they must have a partner, and anyone will do rather than no-one at all because they can't possibly not have one.

This is fucking gross. Bin!

OP your lack of accountability for your own sexual health and your bizarrely passive aggressive responses to posters who are giving you completely correct and very good advice (such as urinate after sex to prevent UTIs) is quite worrying for an adult woman. I would caution you against sleeping with this man again but before your next relationship/situationship/one night stand/whatever, please consider doing some reading about your own sexual health and self esteem and try to raise the bar. You definitely don’t need a man, but you do need to educate yourself and stay safe!

please don’t second guess yourself, if something feels off just speak up. Who cares what the etiquette is - if he’s a good boyfriend he’d care about your health and comfort

But what about friends? Family? Why do you need some awful man constantly around to not feel lonely?

So grim and so disrespectful

Also worrying as the OP has two 12 and 15 year old kids who clearly haven't had or may not have the best knowledge of sexual activity and safety passed down.

I agree with ofcolitas, I'd be dumping the f out of him. How disgusting. Who does he think he is? Who/what does he think you are?

You have been on at OP throughout this thread with nothing but criticism and put-downs. Why?

I have been commenting about safe sex... why do you have an issue with that?

OP said that on other occasions he left his used, discarded condom in her bed. Disgusting, disrespectful, dirty. That makes him a mucky freak by my reckoning and he would not have had a further opportunity to get into my bed.

I’m heartened to read that OP is not going to tolerate such behaviour again.

Having sex more than one time on an occasion. So the number of times you have sex is greater or equal to the number of occasions. Maybe occasion is the wrong word but the only other one I could think of was session but that sounded sordid.

I’m sorry for the cats and purple thing. It’s just an expression that is used.