AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

Twice out of four shags, he's pulled out and NOT said to you 'oh... the condoms come off'.

That would concern me.

In - insert very large number here, I have had my fun number of shags over insert large number of years here - i have had a condom come off inside me ONCE (and he had a very small willy) and he immediately said 'oh shit the condoms fallen off'.

It's pretty easy not to feel a condom inside you after sex, but it is IMPOSSIBLE for a man not to notice the condom has come off, even before he pulls out. If it were, we wouldn't have such a fuss from blokes over using them.

So either he is stealthing you OR he doesn't think this is something you need to know about at the time...

Both of those are massive red flags.

It is your fault if you accept a ‘😬’ as a reply and then go on to have sex with him again.

You can say' why aren't you answering me?'

Time to move on.

Make today a time when you make changes.
Lose weight if it's bothering you, join a class, give yourself a make over and learn to love yourself.

I know that sounds easy to say but it's the way forwards.

i know nothing about condom etiquette but it would take a miracle for pregnancy to occur under the circumstances you describe.

Also... its strange to wait til he's gone to decide to text him about it? Surely adults go "WTF Jeff I just found a condom inside me... what's that all about" on the spot. Not covering it up and then texting about it. If we're too embarrassed to talk about it when it happens, we shouldn't be having sex. That applies to every gender, age, etc.

Leaving it in the bed or inside you?? I've never heard of such a thing! 😲Does he not know how to use one??

What kind of savagery have you got yourself involved with??

Absolutely this!

Even as a young and inexperienced teen I would have had the wherewithal to say something on the spot. If I'm letting someone have sex with me then there is absolutely no reason why I can't mention something like finding a bloody condom inside me...that he left there!

Absolutely it's his fault for doing it, but OP's behaviour is utterly strange. Not saying anything there and then, not pushing a discussion, having sex again on multiple occasions where the same or similar happens...I am genuinely bemused. At the very least before they had sex again she could have said, "Jeff, before we have sex again I want you to make sure you take the condom off properly this time and dispose of it."

Unreasonable for not ditching him already.

It wouldn’t take a miracle under the circumstances

He’s revolting!! In the bin with this man!!

Bin this man OP!!!!! With the utmost haste!!!!

Hi OP,

It's good practice to pee after sex to help flush out any bacteria and reduce the likelihood of UTIs, so if you can in future, I'd recommend going to the loo within 10-30 minutes of sex 😊

Why does everyone think I’ve slept with him since the non-discussion? I haven’t.

I can’t believe this is even a question!

Dump him.

There’s barely any point in him wearing a condom if he’s just going to leave it inside you.

Why didn't you bring it up the first time he did it? Why would you not mention it and then have sex with him again and let that and leaving the used condoms in the bed pass before finally saying something via text?

I wouldn’t be having sex if I were you then.

If a condom is left inside you and its contents emptied inside you then it’s no different from not using in a condom in the first place and you are just as likely to get pregnant. Next you’ll be telling me it’s impossible to get pregnant if he pulls out before he cums.

I’m not convinced you understand how to get pregnant! I’d be very careful having sex if I were you.

I’m an idiot. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was an accident.

I know I’ll get flamed for this but it’s a new relationship I didn’t want to scare him off. I’d no idea if most men just leave the condom where they end up or if they always carefully dispose of them. That’s why I asked on here. Responses like yours make me wish I hadn’t.

I’d take cats over a fool like that.

Why is everyone jumping on you OP. I Do agree with everything that has been said but that's ok hindsight and the 1st could have been accident! However, I agree now it doesn't seem right and if you can't talk to him about it you don't have much of a chance OP. sorry

You’re clearly having sex very differently to me. I’ve always had the man’s penis in my vagina not my urinary tract so I don’t see how peeing will clear bacteria. I can’t pee on demand only when I need to go. I’ve never had a UTI from sex. Are you confusing UTIs with STIs?

He leaves it in you ?

He must have a little noodle dick then.

I assumed the first was an accident, they happen. When it happened again I mentioned it. He wasn’t bother. I won’t see him or sleep with him again.

I’d love to know where the other Mnetters source their perfect partners from so I can get one too.

Please Google this op instead of sounding incredibly ignorant.

You're getting responses like this, OP, because your attitude towards your own sexual health is really blasé and then you're criticising posters who are giving you advice. Go and read back through your messages; in response to anyone who addresses your own way of handling the situation, you become snarky.

You're admitting now that you've behaved like an idiot, but no one would have been coming back and pressing you if you'd thrown up your hands initially and said, "yeah, I was stupid. I should have advocated for myself and I didn't, I need to wise up. You're right.". Instead you started getting catty with posters who were trying to make you understand the issues at play, some of them who were actually being really nice to you.

Even now you're pushing the blame on to other people - me included, for not coddling you. You're a grown woman, we're also grown women. This guy was disgusting but you constantly let him get away with it because you didn't want to scare him off. You need to wise up. There are men out there who are far worse than this rancid pig, and you're making yourself a target by a) considering these FB community groups safe spaces and b) letting men get away with disgusting behaviour and inviting them back to your bed.

You might not like to hear it, but you're putting your own safety at risk. This isn't victim blaming either like some people have already said; no one is saying him doing what he did is your fault. But you allowed him to come back and keep disrespecting you because you didn't want him to get scared off by your perfectly reasonable requests. You're disrespecting yourself and letting a man use you.

He doesn’t, he’s fairly well hung. As has been said previously in this conversation he’s losing the condom when he’s lost his erection or stelthing.