To be so pissed off I can’t sleep.

[Emotionstorn]

Context. Me and DD’s father met in 2017. DD
born 2019.

Broke up last year. Reconciling.

Durinf the relationship I put myself on the back burner, we only did stuff if I paid, I bought him clothes etc. he works full time. I paid all the bills.

We live apart now but have been seeing each other and coparenting. Reconciling to an extent.

I get 200 a month CSA. He doesn’t have DD overnight.
He still gets treats off me etc. Has been hounding me to sort DD’s passport out as she’s never been abroad.
I paid the fee. We went to the cinema on Friday paid for by me.
I put petrol in his car. I also do not have a lot of time to myself and virtually no social life as we coparent he doesn’t have DD alone.

He’s messaged me today saying he’s in Benidorm with his friend. I didn’t know anything about this.

I am so upset and hurt.
I know im gonna get harsh comments. I had a very angry dad and an overly critical self absorbed mum so my views on relationships have been skewed. Most men I’ve dated have had issues. I put up with it because I don’t know anything different.

AIBU to be fucking angry at him and myself!
Please give me a shake.

Do people like this ever feel bad?

No, never …
which is why nice people like you are always left in turmoil about the shit storms these wasters create.
You are doing so so well.
You’ve found your roar and you and your daughter will be sooooo much better off, happier and stronger without this extra man child draining your life.

No it becomes there normal life taking and taking.

They feel sorry for themselves when called out and losing their cake and eating it situation which, may look like remorse with tears, apologies, etc. But it's not for you, it's not real.

I hope he has a dodgy pint and gets the shits.

I’m sorry you are having such a tough time OP. It sounds like you’ve had a history of people, who should love and respect you, taking from you are not giving anything in return.

It’s understandable that the sense of injustice keeps intruding on your thoughts. I suggest you have a strategy for this along the lines of when you think these thoughts, you thank you memory for reminding you of what happened in your past so you don’t repeat it going forward. You can then redirect you thoughts to positive steps you are taking or can take to improve your quality of life.

With regard to your ex, it sounds like you are struggling to see how he can be in your daughter’s life but only minimally in your life. For a start, he should contribute financially, so do pursue CSA involvement. You don’t need to interact with him at all about this.

He should have a relationship with your daughter that is separate to your relationship with him. This involves him collecting her and then returning her to you. It doesn’t involve you being part of their time together or paying for their time together.

It’s not going to be easy, but I suggest you stop talking to him about what happened in the past between you and him. It’s over and you are putting a stop to any further opportunities for him to do the same again. When you talk to him about anything other than contact with your daughter, you are maintaining or reviving a type of relationship with him that isn’t healthy.