AIBU to think there was no need to spend this much time in the disabled loo?

[Pinkstuffs]

I went to a popular family attraction today. There was one disabled toilet with the baby change inside. When I got to it, a woman was going in with a child aged about four, and a portable potty.

I have a catheter so usually use the disabled loo so I can wash my hands before emptying and not touch anything. Sometimes I have to adjust my catheter as well which is easier with more room. I also have a 5 month old baby who needed changing. No baby change at all in the women’s toilet and it was quite cold so I didn’t want to change my baby in the pram.

We waited 20 minutes for the toilet to be free. After that I had to call my husband to bring me the pram as I can’t hold my baby any longer than that as I’m recovering from a major abdominal surgery (not a csection) that I had 3 weeks ago. Presumably the woman heard me on the phone. My husband came and met me and it took another 10 mins for them to be finished.

When she came out she said she had heard me complaining to my husband (tbf I did say it was taking forever for the toilet to become free) and that I was being unfair. But AIBU to think her child could have just gone in a normal cubicle? I’ve got a toddler and I just take him in the women’s with me.

I think you are better off complaining to the venue for only having one baby change/disabled loo.
On the face of it the other mum was unreasonable to take so long but you actually don’t know if she or the child had any medical issues

She doesn't know what needs you have and you don't know what needs she has

Changing a bag takes five minutes at the most. I’ve done it since I was four, so I have a lot of experience. I’ve also never had to use a public toilet to do it.

Anti bac gel/wipes?

YABU just like she doesn’t know that you have a catheter and need to use that toilet you don’t know if she also needed to use that toilet as far as she was concerned you where waiting to change your babies nappy and she didn’t expect you to be in such a hurry and complain.

Yes that is understandable but plan ahead. Take disposable gloves or anti bac wipes/gel.

You've no idea of her circumstances. Imagine if someone was talking rudely outside the toilets about how long you were taking?!

The OP has only had hers for 6 months though, and is probably still getting the hang of things.

YABVU. You have no idea what disabilities her child has, and she is under precisely no obligation to tell you about them.

I'd be annoyed too after half an hour. It's that bit too long if it's the only disabled toilet. Waiting for someone to poo for that long or being stuck pooing could be done in an ordinary cubicle

Yes again, understandable. The point is she had no idea if the other person was also getting the hang of things.

When you resort to speaking so loudly on a phone about the person infront taking too long in the loo that they hear then it's time to say 'yes, I was wrong there. I'll do better next time'.

Not for everyone. I can't think of one time that my son's stoma only took 5 minutes to change.

She doesn’t have a stoma, she has a catheter. I was responding to the PP who claimed the person blocking the toilet might have been in there for half an hour because she had a stoma and needed to change her bag.

Even if it isn’t 5 minutes, it definitely doesn’t take half an hour.

All you need to do is to remove the old bag, clean the skin, put the new one on (with any barrier or spray you use) and tidy up. Given that there is going to be nowhere to lie down unless it’s a Changing Places toilet, it’s by definition going to be a quick procedure you would only do in a dire emergency.

I have a stoma i have had it decades and never has it taken "just 5 minutes" to change i mean if you have had a leak and you need to change clothes etc etc, i don't know why a pp was being so dismissive.

My DP can take up to 20 minutes to empty his bag and clean up etc. He has reduced mobility. It isn't obvious. Not everyone will be capable of a quick change/clean up.
My sister has, like the majority of women, had periods to deal with. Now she is is 70 and has reduced mobility, she can't change her incontinence pads/wet wipes in the time that she used to change sanitary wear.

The fault is a baby change being in the disabled toilet and there being only one disabled toilet. With colon cancer on the rise and more people living a stoma, they should have upgraded their facilities long ago.

YABU because the woman or child may have had a disability.

30 minutes wouldn't have been unusual for us. High output stoma, prone to leaks etc it was never a quick procedure.

You are right. @Ponoka7 about , shared facilities companies and attractions need to provide separate toilets,for baby changes/ family toilets

op I get why it's hugely frustrating. given it was a day out, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't WANT to be sat in a loo for 30 minutes and put your ore towards the attraction. one singular loo for all the disabled people and babies is ridiculous

The problem is that the fastenings in the ordinary toilet have been touched by people who've just had a crap, and you need to touch them to shut and lock the door and then have no sink to wash your hands in, and alcohol rub on your hands is not something you'd want on the catheter.

I didn't read it that she had a urine collection bag. A lot of incontinent women have Botox jabs and need to catheterise themselves to empty their bladder.

Problems like this are one reason I refuse the jabs.

I was going to say exactly this. In recent years more and more children seen to be stool withholding at school starting age. It’s awful for them! I frequently lose support staff to the bathroom for 30+ minutes to help with it. Once I learned this, the change in temperament of these children has been remarkable.

I also have a disabled family member whose mobility is very slow. On a bad day she can easily take 30 minutes to use the disabled toilet. There should be more available. People often knock and ask her to hurry up (and are always red in the face when she emerges and they see her! You would not deny she needs the disabled loo!)

I know some people are in really good routines with their stomas and are able to manage them well but some stomas are incredibly tricky to manage and I've notice some people seem to think that just because their stoma is easy to manage, it is the same for everyone with a stoma.

My son had his due to cancer and has since had a reversal but it was always such a tricky stoma due to the fact that his output was so high.

30 mins is ages, but you have no idea why she took so long. I imagine there may have been other changing facilities/disabled loo’s, I would have looked for those.

You have no idea that she wasn’t using the loo for herself as well.

Best practice with a catheter is literally to wash your hands and not touch anything else once you've washed your hands to reduce the infection risk . I also personally don't feel comfortable using the ladies when dealing with catheters as I wash my hands multiple times and dry them and the ladies doesn't have sinks in the cubicles. Unfortunately we will never know why others use the disabled loo as they won't know why we do so it's not up to us to guess what they were doing for half an hour.