AIBU to think there was no need to spend this much time in the disabled loo?

[Pinkstuffs]

I went to a popular family attraction today. There was one disabled toilet with the baby change inside. When I got to it, a woman was going in with a child aged about four, and a portable potty.

I have a catheter so usually use the disabled loo so I can wash my hands before emptying and not touch anything. Sometimes I have to adjust my catheter as well which is easier with more room. I also have a 5 month old baby who needed changing. No baby change at all in the women’s toilet and it was quite cold so I didn’t want to change my baby in the pram.

We waited 20 minutes for the toilet to be free. After that I had to call my husband to bring me the pram as I can’t hold my baby any longer than that as I’m recovering from a major abdominal surgery (not a csection) that I had 3 weeks ago. Presumably the woman heard me on the phone. My husband came and met me and it took another 10 mins for them to be finished.

When she came out she said she had heard me complaining to my husband (tbf I did say it was taking forever for the toilet to become free) and that I was being unfair. But AIBU to think her child could have just gone in a normal cubicle? I’ve got a toddler and I just take him in the women’s with me.

I bet she was bf him in there. Seen it loads of times. It's bloody selfish.

How dare you! The OP said she needs to use the disabled toilet, I’m shocked that you thought it was appropriate to tell her what does or does not make her disabled enough to do so 😡

It does seem odd indeed.
if that’s what she said I could imagine myself using that as an excuse too. She doesn’t need to explain herself to you.
its unfortunate of course but its not her fault there was only one suitable toilet for you both to use. I’d be complaining to the venue if you plan to go there again.
I don’t have a disability but I do have endo and I can flood in a matter of seconds. I tend to carry spare clothes and it can be 20 minutes by the time I sit on the toilet, try and eject the worst of the debris and then strip
off my bottom half, try and rinse myself clean and then get dressed again. I just use a regular cubicle and I don’t feel embarrassed about what is my normal but I’m a 40 year old woman who’s used to it now.
i doubt anyone is sitting around in a public toilet for fun, they don’t tend to be the nicest of places.

I can easily take 30 mins with my son in the disabled loo due to need. Without knowing their medical history, it's impossible to know if it was a need or not.

How do you know she didn't have a catheter or some other health need that requires a longer period in the disabled toilet? Yes, she had a child with a portable potty, but you also had a baby to change as well as your own toileting needs.

Yes. It seems rather poor.

This. I have hidden disabilities and it can easily take me over 10 minutes in the loo.

I've met plenty of people in wheelchairs and so on who need help and couldn't physically be done any faster.

It's also possible the child has a developmental disorder or other things that make it take longer.

The real shame is that we're all fighting over a lack of accessible loos.

Someone in the disabled toilet for 30 minutes… and you didn’t alert any staff? I’d have been alerting someone if anyone went into the disabled toilets and then didn’t come out for 20 to 30 minutes.

Having a catheter is a disability IMO.

I’m a bit surprised anyone thinks it isn’t.

That is a good point actually, she could have been having a medical emergency in there.

YANBU at all op. The woman was lacking in consideration like so many other people who think the world revolves around them and their offspring (or dog 🙄).

She ‘didn’t want to hurry him’ but actually that is a luxury that shouldn’t be afforded a 4 year old in a public place when a person with a disability, who genuinely needs to use the facilities, has been waiting an unreasonably long time.

Sorry op but you've no idea of her circumstances so yabu to make an assumption just as other people would be unreasonable to make any assumption about you using the accessible loo.

That's a very long time but you don't know what needs might exist there. You need to give them the benefit of the doubt.

I'd have just changed my baby in the pram. Just do it quickly.

Not all children can be hurried along for valid medical reasons. Mine for example has a hernia and is waiting for surgery and we can't rush him along when he's pooping.

If she is using a potty for the 4 year old it does suggest some sort of issues going on there.

Unfortunately disabled loo provision is often quite limited and the fact they combined it with baby changing is also unhelpful. Would hand sanitiser work to minimise infection risk so you can use the standard loo where necessary?

I voted YABU. You can’t know what need others have when using a disabled toilet. I have a friend whose child had a stoma from when he was a baby, you just would not know to look at him, but they needed the disabled toilets and it could take quite some time. Not helped if someone is outside complaining about how long it’s taking for toilet needs to be met.

Try not to worry, they change so much over the summer xx

will he do a jungle wee?

Bloody harsh! The op has explained she need access to b TV e sink before and after and you can todo that in a normal toilet without touching a door handle again etc so your hands aren’t clean. Of course the disabled toilet is for dealing. Wirh catheters if you need the sink and stomas etc. I think all toilets should have the sink in the cubicle to deal with periods etc

Direct your anger to the venue and complain to them. Having a single baby change in a single disabled loo is crap for a popular family attraction.

OP seems to have decided the lady and child weren’t didabled enough though??

for all you know she could have had a catheter herself

Vs

Having a catheter isn’t a disability

🤔

She could have used the potty in a cubicle
or got a travel seat. Holding up the disabled toilet for 20 minutes is not acceptable for that.

Either she or her child could be disabled. My 4 year old could not handle the regular public toilets. She is autistic. She also greatly struggled with going anywhere outside the house, but sometimes
the situation was dire.

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time with your health.

However, you’re still going to have to touch toilet doors and toilet seats whether you’re in the disabled or regular ladies toilets.

I would let this one go. You don’t know why the woman and her son spent so long in there. Equally, when first going in, the woman didn’t know about your catheter and recent surgery. You don’t trump her situation, and her situation doesn’t trump yours. It’s simply first come first served.

It’s the fault of the attraction for not providing enough disabled toilets or separate baby changing facilities. So perhaps write an email to their customer services with feedback.

Also, 3 weeks is not a long time at all after major surgery. Maybe stay at home, or closer to home until you are fully recovered to avoid future situations like this.

The real shame is why only one disabled loo?
I worry you are making the same assumption the woman with the 4yr old and potty made about you, a woman with a baby in a pram. She likely had no idea you have a catheter and weren’t just waiting to change a nappy. Similarly, you have no idea if she has a disability and was not in there just for her child to use a potty.