To ask my SIL to not visit after 6:30 pm on a Sunday evening?

[Goinggreymammy]

SIL is about 4 years younger than us, doesn't have a partner or children. Has a very busy job with lots of out of hours calls, emails etc. She has friends and sometimes sees them or goes hiking on weekends. She lives about 15 mins drive away and we rarely see her. My 3 children are her only nieces/nephews. She doesn't allow us to visit her house (yes, literally says no..... once my son, 7, wanted to use the toilet and she was giving my son and DH a lift home she said no, he couldn't go in, just drove them home. )
Anyway she does her weekly shop in a place near us and every month or so will arrive around 7pm to visit. If I ask if she had a busy day.... no, just some WFH, etc. We just aren't enough to visit without adding us onto her shopping. My kids are older now but they have sports fixtures on Sundats so need showers before bed. And I try to have some downtime, watch a family show together etc, then do stories. So I find the random 7pm visits annoying. She just messaged to say she would call later, when I queried time - yes.. Around 7.
She organised a meal out for PIL, BIL, herself and my DH and I a month ago and it was on a Sunday at 5pm. Why can't she call here at 5pm?
YABU. Suck it up.
YANBU say something.

If all it would take for her to not see any of you is to take away the possibility of a 7pm Sunday visit, I’d say you are inconveniencing yourself for someone who will just end up an estranged relative anyway. She’s not close to your DH, and she’s not really bothered with your DC.

She might discover online food shopping soon and then you won’t see her for dust anyway!

She can't have everything on her terms. If she was massively busy and had literally no other time to visit you, that would be one thing, but clearly it's just about what suits her. You have just as much right to speak to her as your husband because it's your house and your family time too.
Next time she comes (has she just left now?) say or text-Hi Jill, lovely to see you, but we wanted to say that going forward Sunday nights won't work for us due to the kids' commitments; it's actually been quite difficult getting things organised. You are of course welcome to see us other times-list times that suit.

This ^

Where is she shopping on a Sunday to pop round at 7pm?

Guessing they are Scotland which are open later

Wouldn’t let her 7 year old nephew use the toilet? Make the weirdo sit on the doorstep and talk to you through the letter box.

Kerry to Donegal would be about 8 hours. My drive door to door no traffic would be 4hrs 30 mins. But always need a comfort stop for the kids, and we eat, so makes for 5.5hrs. So I usually stay for a few days when I visit. Mother long passed. My father passed away in Jan after a long decline into dementia so he didnt visit ever. My brother occasionally calls in if here for work, but his wife and children very rarely. My brother in USA stays with me for a few nights when he comes home, used be x3 per year. We stay with him in his empty house in my home area sometimes, if we visit while he is home.

Well when I got back tonight she was explaining shareholders and what liquidating a company entails, to my 11 year old. So I guess he learned something. But it was his birthday and she brought him over a card so that was what they got out of it.... feeling important.

Your posts arent making any sense. This is all entirely your own doing, you want to keep her in your children's life as a token gesture aunt = keep sucking it up!
You dont want to bother with her visits = tell her Sorry doesnt work, or let your DH deal (or not deal) with his own sister.
Hardly a rocket science.

Hello.
You are all right - I need to put on my big girl pants and deal with this. Tonight wasn't the night though, it is my sons birthday tomorrow and my PIL usually come for a little tea party for birthdays, but they are away so I was facilitating this so he didn't feel forgotten (he has SEN).
I just cleaned up the kitchen when I got back and even hoovered the floor, and she had to talk to DH. They get on OK, just don't make much effort.
My SIL was quite chatty tonight; she is well meaning but a bit clueless, so i have decided to proactively invite her over for a barbecue some Sunday afternoon in the next month. And then to lunch another day. And hopefully say then about the Sunday nights.
Thanks all. You have helped me "cop onto myself" as we say here or "give my head a wobble" as you say in UK.

Yes, I can see that now.

"Cop onto myself" is so much better than "give your head a wobble" that phrase irritates the hell out of me xx

She has no issue telling you, you or DC aren't welcome in her home. Just tell her this isn't a good time to visit. Where does she shop on a Sunday that's open until nearly 7pm anyway?

The OP is in Ireland

She sounds incredibly rigid and like she doesn't understand life with children.

You have to be clear and unambiguos and invite her(which you are doing).

Good luck OP.

I had to set out some boundaries with one of my SIL's and her DH, who used to turn up whenever they felt like it, stay for ages, and expect to be fed. She was abit miffed for a while but got over it.

They moved closer to her DH's family a few years ago and seem to have fallen out somewhat with his siblings...I suspect similar behavior! With some people, you just have to make it clear what works for you and what doesn't.

Im not sure i could relax with someone i dont see that often

It seems a bit one sided.

Speak up OP.

"7 is a bit late sorry sil, youre welcome over at 4/5 though "

Surely just a polite. That doesn't work for us as we're settling kids down at that time, you are welcome to pop over earlier during the day. 😊

No wonder no families talk to each other in the UK if this is the way you behave with each other..don't call at 7pm because I'm watching a movie with your nieces/nephews christ almighty what has the world come too...

Just ask her why doesn’t she come a bit earlier ? There is a reason she comes only once a month or so, lives 15 mins away but always comes around 7pm.
Whatever the reason, you have to let her know it isn’t suitable.

Just explain that'd not suitable for you and the family, but you'd love to still see her. When else is she free?

especially when she won't let them in her house at all!!

Not everyone lives in England. Some of our big shops are open 24/7

Next time she messages reply with something like ‘That’s great, 7-8pm is bathtime around here. So while I do that can you do X, Y and Z? That’s for your help x’

Which is great @Goinggreymammy, but it seems she is less bothered.

Just tell her… ‘kids would love to see you but can’t do Sunday evenings.. how are you fixed Saturday/sunday before 6?’

if she can’t come back with another time you and your kids are just not a priority so I’d focus my energy elsewhere.

This. If she is genuinely bothered, then surely she can find another time?