To ask my SIL to not visit after 6:30 pm on a Sunday evening?

[Goinggreymammy]

SIL is about 4 years younger than us, doesn't have a partner or children. Has a very busy job with lots of out of hours calls, emails etc. She has friends and sometimes sees them or goes hiking on weekends. She lives about 15 mins drive away and we rarely see her. My 3 children are her only nieces/nephews. She doesn't allow us to visit her house (yes, literally says no..... once my son, 7, wanted to use the toilet and she was giving my son and DH a lift home she said no, he couldn't go in, just drove them home. )
Anyway she does her weekly shop in a place near us and every month or so will arrive around 7pm to visit. If I ask if she had a busy day.... no, just some WFH, etc. We just aren't enough to visit without adding us onto her shopping. My kids are older now but they have sports fixtures on Sundats so need showers before bed. And I try to have some downtime, watch a family show together etc, then do stories. So I find the random 7pm visits annoying. She just messaged to say she would call later, when I queried time - yes.. Around 7.
She organised a meal out for PIL, BIL, herself and my DH and I a month ago and it was on a Sunday at 5pm. Why can't she call here at 5pm?
YABU. Suck it up.
YANBU say something.

Why wouldn’t you (or DH for that matter) just open your mouth and say, 7pm doesn’t work for us!

Surely this is your husbands issue to deal with not yours. Tell your husband you don’t want visitors that late and that he needs to talk to her. If he won’t then you just make yourself unavailable whenever she comes. Go off and have a bath, say you’re going out to meet friends.

As for her not wanting people in her house, that could be for a whole host of reasons. She could be a secret hoarder, she could have severe OCD or she could just plain and simple not want kids in her home. Either way it hasn’t really got anything to do with the issue at hand.

Have you asked her to come earlier? Or could you invite her to come at a certain time? If not reply and say im sorry were busy

Just say no, it's too late in the day and you'll be busy sorting the kids ready for school tomorrow.

7pm on a Sunday wouldn’t work for us. Peak bath and prep for the week time with the kids.

Can she not just sit and watch the show with you, chat a bit, maybe read them their stories and then disappear before bedtime?

'Sorry, that's too late tonight as we're getting ready for the week. We'll see you soon'

Then, if she still shows up - which is quite likely - you can turn her away at the doorstep because she's been warned.

FGS don't do this, she might find excuses to stay longer still ! Been there had it, guests who can't take / ignore hints until you are practically in your pj's putting the cat and making hot chocolate and still they sit there glued to the seatee.
H needs to open his mouth and speak to her.

Some people are thoughtless idiots. I get this often too and the annoying thing is even saying it's too late straight out, they just think you're sitting there with nothing to do. I wish people had a bit more cop on and had some consideration for other people's lives.

Well if she doesn’t allow your family to visit her house, play the same game back on her?

I don't really understand how she's combining this with a shopping trip as virtually everywhere closes at 4 or 5pm on a Sunday.

I agree with this.

Your DH really needs to step up here and have a word with her.

Maybe he doesn’t mind his sister coming to visit

That’s what I thought! How does it work tagging this onto shopping, as OP said

We just aren't enough to visit without adding us onto her shopping

Are you in the UK OP?

But is he helping with the kids? If OP and h are busy with the kids it's not practical in the evening.

Reply saying you can’t do 7pm. Shops all shut at 4pm on a Sunday round here anyway.

Maybe not. But his priorities are all wrong if he is putting his sister before his DW

I don't have children and live alone. I wouldn't dream of calling in to my siblings on a Sunday at 7pm or any time that day really unless invited over. Might sound anal, but Sundays are family days, and prep in the evening for the next day I would have thought so I wouldn't interrupt. There are six other evenings in the week and Saturday too during the day.

It's just called being perceptive to family set ups different to your own really. Well that's my take on it. I am welcome in siblings homes BTW, but just not on Sunday after about 4pm or so. All are welcome in my house, and I have two toilets with no charge to use 😊

By shopping do you mean a grocery shop? If so are her groceries not defrosting/going off on her car while she's at yours?
I would get DH to say something, maybe offer her to call in before she shops if that works?

Not in Scotland. My local Tesco is open until 10pm tonight, same as every other night.

Why would you suck it up? Why would you host someone who refuses to host your family and shows up uninvited? Tell her it’s not a good time every time she tries to show up.

Nobody needs a relative regularly turning up at their house at any time of the week, ley alone a Sunday evening, which is IMHO very bad timing. Not just because of DC bedtimes, but because it is also when you settle in to the last scraps of the weekend and gear yourself up.memtally for the next working week.

Her big brother needs to have a word and tell her generally not tp drop in, ever, uninvited.

Or she might be in Scotland where it's business as usual at the supermarket on a Sunday?

YANBU. It’s tricky when stuff like this is the norm or ingrained. In a similar situation we had to keep reinforcing it each time they asked and it eventually stuck. It did feel a bit awkward each time but I’d rather that than feeling tired/put out/resentful

Scotland is in the UK. Shops don't shut at 4pm on Sunday here.