Won some money, AIBU?

[chochobnob1]

Each month, I allow myself £20 to play slots on an online gambling site. It’s only ever £20.

Friday night, I was playing and won the jackpot which was £1000.

I have a 3 year old and 10 month old.

DH and I run our own business. We live comfortably, very fortunate to be able to afford a holiday abroad once a year, we can afford our bills and food shopping, the kids clothes, birthdays and Christmases (within reason, we don’t spend thousands, 3 year old has £100 limit for Christmas and same for birthday). 10 month old will have the same, probably only £50 for first birthday due to it all being a bit pointless when he doesn’t understand, that’s what we did with DD for her first but anyway I’m rambling, you catch my drift.

Saturday morning, I told him I won the money. I transferred him £100 to pay for the airport parking (we go away next week), £150 to treat himself to some new trainers as he wants some smart ones he can wear out instead of his work ones. I also transferred £200 into our savings. £100 into each child’s savings accounts.

I then said that I’m going to treat my self to tear trough filler due to it being a madejce insecurity of mine (very dark circles and hollow). I’m 34 for reference and I have Botox twice a year (the lady I go to is a Dr and I wouldn’t let just anyone near my face with botox/filler etc). I never buy myself new clothes unless it’s a special occasion like a wedding etc.

I stopped getting my nails done 2 months ago because he moaned about the cost every 3 weeks (£28 plus £8 for eyebrow wax).

This blew up into a big argument once kids had gone to bed, he said that something that really hurt me “I’m not being funny but you don’t contribute financially or work”. This really upset me, if I went back to work I’d be paying my whole wage on nursery fees for my youngest so we agreed when we decided to try for a second baby that I would stay home for 2 years like I did with my daughter and then to back to work.

I’m feeling like I’m less than him because I don’t earn money, I feel like I’m not entitled to treat myself out of my winnings.

He’s doubling down and giving me the silent treatment today. He didn’t like it last night when I told him I’m a 34 year old woman and can do exactly what I like. He said I should have discussed it with him before booking in.

To be clear, our bills are up to date and no debt other than a couple of credit cards including a business one but they’re always paid off each month and no issues there.

Maybe because it’s the act she’s enjoying, not the money?

my partner will occasionally put £30 on a gambling site to have a play with.
we used to have little bickers about it because he’d be like ‘I won £100!’ so I’d say ‘cool, are you going to draw it out?’ And he wouldn’t, because he was playing for the enjoyment. So if he’d not been playing long he might carry on and lose it all. I could never wrap my head round it, but now I understand. It’s not something I’d do personally, but then I don’t find enjoyment in gambling.

he doesn’t quite get the same feeling when he gets an email to say he’s won £25 on the premium bonds.

You’re literally talking nonsense, if anything the added details look worse on the husband than the original post and who the hell are you tell her what to spend her money on about she’s shallow get a grip of yourself and go touch grass

Who needs the patriarchy when we’ve got woman who hate woman (especially stay at home parenting women). Fucking hell. Having several under 5s is the hardest work I’ve ever done.

Having been on the other side of the spectrum with me working and my ex being the SAHD, its I still got mum bashing. Damned if you do and all that. I feel for you and all these extremely nasty replies to your simple sense check question. You work as hard (if not harder) as your DH to help run a business and maintain the home and DC's wellbeing but your contribution is belittled because you want a guilty pleasure of minimal online gambling and to feel better about yourself. I won some money once by doing a charity lottery and the first response of my DH was... great I can pay off my car loan... to which I replied, jog on, sunshine!!

Completely agree.
Thankfully in real life I haven't come across it, but MN is absolutely toxic for it.

People have to wear shoes. Ybey don't need cosmetic treatment.
I think the husband is being very unreasonable saying OP doesn't work she does she just doesn't get paid for it. By giving up work for two years she is making family life easier for everyone including her husband and they can afford it.

People don’t have to wear £150 trainers.

i didn’t notice the part in the OP where her husband refused the money and said he’d go spend a tenner in Primark instead.

stop trying to make her feel bad for caring about how she feels she looks.

A couple of times Ive had a small win (hundreds rather than thousands) on postcode lottery and treated my nephew who helps me a lot. I never told him how much I won -nor did he ask me. I just transferred the money for him to spend as he pleases. If he chooses to spend the money on things I consider foolish thats his business. I would not feel obliged to tell my other relatives. Its doubtful I would tell them even if I won thousands.

So let me get this straight. You work for the business for free and handle all of the domestic load and childcare. You spend £20 per month from your savings account on Foxy Bingo, won some money and shared the winnings. Your husband is displeased with what you're choosing to spend your share on. He needs to give his head a wobble and a good one at that. The issue that's highlighted here is that 'women's work' is not valued. You should ask to be paid for the work you do at the business. Then you'll be employed, qualify for free hours and contributing financially to the household. Maybe hubby was having a bad day. Maybe he needs a reality check. Either way there's a conversation here that needs to be had.

I did read it thank you, I wish people weren't twats but there you go!
What I asked was if ALL of his money was classed as family money or if HE had his own savings!
What she paid for or what he paid for is not relevant if 1 persons income/savings is used as family and the others isn't.

Yes, I was trying to think of something to replace the act, maybe not quite the same thing! It does depress me how these gambling companies have made their offerings ‘female
friendly’, pitched as ‘me time’… I’m not sure fixed odds are widely understood; when you spell it out baldly, I thought maybe it would pop the bubble by reframing ‘win’.

ultimately as the majority say, with the gambling as well as the beauty treatments, the OP is an adult and should be free to make her own choices.

You are brilliant and generous, I wouldn’t have even told him I’d won, I’d have put the money in a secret stash !

They have to were trainers worth £150 do they? Give over, your dick worshipping is pathetic.

Agreed, the women on here fawning over DH's poor me act after he received £150 trainers and whined about it, wtaf. As if he was living like Oliver Twist with unshod feet prior to receiving this very generous gift. My last pair of trainers cost me £45 and felt like a splurge. I would be very appreciative if I was gifted what he had!

It’s strange he’s started getting jittery about nails and Botox, especially if you’re paying for them yourself. Perhaps double check the financial situation is as Rosie as it seems?

FWIW I love Botox and it is factored into be ‘family budget’, my DH doesn’t bat an eyelid. I do work but he earns significantly more than I do.

The under eye thingy- I looked at this but my friends bruised terribly and it put me off. Just in case you were thinking of getting it done under the radar.

I sadly missed this era of mumsnet and the latter is all I really see on here, under the guise of people “just being honest”. I wonder how many of these keyboard warriors would have the balls to say this stuff to a stranger in real life.

OP for gods sake just use the rest of your winnings to treat yourself!

Yep, it's disgusting.
OP has a 9 month old fgs

lol what is wrong with you. You sound so angry in your response. It’s her inheritance and she has paid for the family car and his work van from that very inheritance. She is doing plenty of unpaid labour at home (like many women do) and has every right to spend £20 a month on whatever she wants to!

Honestly this is such a werid thread, she spends £20 a month and everyone is piling on judging OP..
Good for you OP keep your winnings

Why aren’t you being paid for working for the family business? They can claim it all back under the tax thing and actually reduce their tax bill! You SHOULD be being paid!!

She’s also working for NOTHING and. Not being paid at all for working for the family business!!! If anything her husband comes across as financially abusive and controlling!!!

I know!!! I’m wondering if people are actually reading OPs responses because there are some very mad responses

Totally agree.
Literacy and comprehension absolutely shite on MN. ✅️

Kicking any woman down at the first opportunity ✅️

OP, you mind yourself.💐

Thank you to all of you that are kind.

DH doesn’t like cosmetic procedures at all, he doesn’t think I need them and he tells me I’m beautiful as I am but it’s never been a massive deal like he’s made it this time about my eyes.

For what it’s worth, I went yesterday, had my eyes done and over the moon with the result, no bruising and no swelling.

I wish MN was like “the old days” but as many seem to have mentioned, women who stay at home to raise children are seen as less than the person bringing home the money.

Anyway, I’ll leave it there. I’ll never let a man dictate to me what I can and can’t do with my money and yes it is my money, it’s my inheritance although I have no problem in sharing it (for example buying the family car and the work van).

I have access to all business and bank accounts so I know there is no underlying financial issue.

I’ll spend the next 9 months cherishing my last baby and toddling stage then get myself back to work.

I was with you right up till the last post.
Your DH doesn’t like cosmetic procedures and tells you you’re beautiful just the way you are and you go and do it anyway? I don’t think this was about the money at all.
I don’t like cosmetic procedures and if my OH went out and had something done that changed the way they looked (the face i find beautiful) knowing i was upset about it- I wouldn’t be happy either.