Won some money, AIBU?

[chochobnob1]

Each month, I allow myself £20 to play slots on an online gambling site. It’s only ever £20.

Friday night, I was playing and won the jackpot which was £1000.

I have a 3 year old and 10 month old.

DH and I run our own business. We live comfortably, very fortunate to be able to afford a holiday abroad once a year, we can afford our bills and food shopping, the kids clothes, birthdays and Christmases (within reason, we don’t spend thousands, 3 year old has £100 limit for Christmas and same for birthday). 10 month old will have the same, probably only £50 for first birthday due to it all being a bit pointless when he doesn’t understand, that’s what we did with DD for her first but anyway I’m rambling, you catch my drift.

Saturday morning, I told him I won the money. I transferred him £100 to pay for the airport parking (we go away next week), £150 to treat himself to some new trainers as he wants some smart ones he can wear out instead of his work ones. I also transferred £200 into our savings. £100 into each child’s savings accounts.

I then said that I’m going to treat my self to tear trough filler due to it being a madejce insecurity of mine (very dark circles and hollow). I’m 34 for reference and I have Botox twice a year (the lady I go to is a Dr and I wouldn’t let just anyone near my face with botox/filler etc). I never buy myself new clothes unless it’s a special occasion like a wedding etc.

I stopped getting my nails done 2 months ago because he moaned about the cost every 3 weeks (£28 plus £8 for eyebrow wax).

This blew up into a big argument once kids had gone to bed, he said that something that really hurt me “I’m not being funny but you don’t contribute financially or work”. This really upset me, if I went back to work I’d be paying my whole wage on nursery fees for my youngest so we agreed when we decided to try for a second baby that I would stay home for 2 years like I did with my daughter and then to back to work.

I’m feeling like I’m less than him because I don’t earn money, I feel like I’m not entitled to treat myself out of my winnings.

He’s doubling down and giving me the silent treatment today. He didn’t like it last night when I told him I’m a 34 year old woman and can do exactly what I like. He said I should have discussed it with him before booking in.

To be clear, our bills are up to date and no debt other than a couple of credit cards including a business one but they’re always paid off each month and no issues there.

Ffs, her child is only 10 months!! Loads of women are not 'contributing financially ' at that stage, 30 hours is a bloody long time for a 10 month old to be in nursery if you ask me. I don't even think she's a SAHM at this stage, she's still on maternity leave but doing his admin for free.

So she's supposed to live on the very basics while she looks after the children?
She's not a servant.

I find it infuriating that people here are being terrible because you don't work! What do they think running a household is? You clean, get groceries, bathe the children, clean the house, And do some of the work for the business and other things that I didn't list! They should figure what a maid, nanny, driver, etc., cost! You're not being unreasonable at all! The little you spend on you is just a drop in a bucket! Tell your partner to kick rocks! You are doing great! 😊

I would be seriously questioning his contribution tbh. You probably work more hours than he does!

You sound like you're independent of him financially so what's his issue, he got money for trainers and didn't have to contribute to airport parking so what's his issue?

Go have your treatment knowing you paid for it.

I'm not sure what your relationship is like otherwise, but he sounds like a DH.

He didnt mind when you were buying him trainers

Why don't you want to work?
It wouldn't be solely you responsible for nursery - it would come out of the family money. And you would keep up your skills, your pension, your financial independence.
By all means enjoy a win, but don't expect a man to bank roll you willingly through life.

This is a very strange thread. It's as if dad's net have invaded. In the UK women get 12 months maternity leave.

He's being horrible to you. Don't tell him next time you win anything.

You're only not entitled to the funded childcare because you're not employed, if you did go back to work, you'd then be employed and then get the funding.
If he doesn't value your contribution currently (which he obviously doesn't) it's something I'd be considering. Then he can do those admin tasks you do in his spare time instead

Not really sure what your point is about maternity leave?

OP would lose her wages on childcare so I was basically saying he should do his share.

Again, please read my posts. I paid for his work van out of my Inheritance. Every day, when my 9 month old naps I sent invoices, quotes, submit receipts to accountants so yes I do help run the business.

Once again, so many nasty comments and PPs DEMANDING to know if OP is going back to work. It's none of your business!!

I honestly can't understand the pile ons and bitch fights on this site. It's awful and is getting worse.

I am very confused by some of replies on this thread. I feel like Mumsnet has been invaded by misogynistic bots.

I’ve worked since I was 15, went through years of infertility and treatments to get our two children. It was agreed between us that I would stay at home with DC until they were 18 months - 2 years. As soon as my DS is 18 months, I will be going back to work and I can’t wait to have adult conversation, earn money and contribute financially but right now I am enjoying being with my DC (eldest is at pre-school 3 days a week 9-3) and I’m grateful being in the position to do so. DH encouraged this as my dream was to always be a Mum. When I had our children, it was like winning the lottery to me. So I will spend the first 18 months - 2 years with them and I’ll soak up every moment until it’s time for me to get back to work. I’ve never been work shy. Whilst I’m not working for a salary, I work for the business, solely look after our home, food shop, all laundry and cleaning, all life admin such as dental appts etc. so I do want to work, I would just like to enjoy the children I longed for first.

Just want to say, she is contributing to his business by looking after his 2 children and keeping his house whilst he's working..think about it and let it sink in..

Whilst I think online slots is a ridiculous thing to
spend money on, if your only hobby/vice is costing a total of £240/year I don’t think anyone has grounds to complain.

It sounds like you need to sit down together and have good talk about your financial set up. You’re still behaving more like two individuals with assigned incomes and expenses. You need to start working as a team, both contributing in different but equal ways, and both benefitting to the same degree of financial freedom.

FWIW if I had won £1000, my first instinct would have been to chuck it all into the family pot for the holiday, but I might also have bought myself something nice and slightly frivolous. I know DH wouldn’t have dreamt of criticising.

You need to find the going rate for crèche for your 10 month old and 3 year old, maybe the 3 year old will get some free hours. Tell him you will go back to work, things that cost, what you will make in work and what his cost is. Also add in that he will need to spilt the school runs with you. Week on week off or whatever he thinks will work for his job.
See what he says then.

And then go and enjoy your treatment, nails and the time with your little ones.

I think I’m just going to stop replying. This thread just shows that women cannot do anything right. Stay at home to raise our children until school age? Lazy and sponging off the partner who works. A mother in a professional field who worked 50 hours a week would be criticised for not spending enough time with her children. Doesn’t matter if I paid almost £18k for his work van to allow him to do his job, or that I paid £13k for our family car out of inheritance. Apparently I contribute nothing because I have Botox twice a year and have the odd manicure. I’ll tell you what I do provide, a home that’s clean, laundry that’s washed, dried and put away, a home cooked meal for us to enjoy at the end of his working day, the washing up after said meal, I spend the time my son naps catching up on work emails, sending invoices and quotes, submitting receipts to accountants. I’m the one who gets up in the night if one of the children are poorly. I manage every dentist appt, every drs appt. The food shop. Sterilising bottles. School runs 3 times a week. Entertaining 2 kids no matter how shattered I am but none of that matters does it because I don’t bring any money in. I spend £20 a month out of my inheritance on a little gamble, I’m wrong for that yet I’ve paid for 2 holidays also out of that inheritance, do I still not contribute to the family pot? So I’ll leave it there. I’m clearly in the wrong. Oh and yes DH gladly accepted the money for the trainers.

Just completely ridiculous rage baiting comment, sort yourself out you make it sound like a bloody sugar daddy situation, she's his wife raising his kids!

The irony of him saying you contribute nothing and then going to work in the van you paid for, wearing the trainers you gifted him!

She hasn’t spent it ? Wow. .first thing she did was give him a chunk .
He just don’t want her to spend any on herself and is guilt tripping she doesn’t contribute . Aye right

Well it’s your money so it really doesn’t have anything to do with him does it?

Don’t tell him next time.

And you're saying you regularly win £100-£200 a month doing that? And you've now won £1,000? Well you'll have to tell me which slot/s you play!

If you've a joint account that currently only he pays into then you should put the money you get into it too. He shares all his money with you and then you get a bit of money and instead of dividing it equally, you give him some and keep more for yourself. If you are living off his wages you should share your winnings. Both have the same amount of money from the winnings for a nice treat.