Dh cutting flowers off tree

[Lazydayathome]

Just heard Dh chopping things away in the back garden, assumed was the hedges which do need doing, but it was a beautiful, blossoming tree with pink flowers. It’s the gorgeous one I sit and look at in the evening if I sit outside, I can (well, could) just about see it when sat inside in the dining room, it’s gorgeous and gives off a lovely smell, i’d also put a string of lights around it
Went out to ask what he was doing as branches of flowers tumbling to the ground. He said it’s gardening and has to be done? Is this correct? I don’t know much about gardening tbh, but all I can see is a few flowers left on a spiky sort of tree, when previously it was big and blossoming 😔

I totally understand OP my mum butchered my garden, cutting trees so there was not even leaves left, some bollocks about wanting to make sure there was sun on my washing line. I was so upset, no shady spot to sit in the garden and bare stalks everywhere, no idea why she did it.

Fucking vandal. I thought even idiots knew pruning flowering shrubs shouldn’t be done during the growing season.

What is the point of having flowering trees if you are going to prune all the flowers off while the tree is still in bloom? It defeats the purpose of having flowering trees in your garden! I'm sorry but your husband sounds like he's not too bright.

I know! I just do not understand it

It may not be classed as a weed but in many places is considered invasive.

Not where we are

That’s what some people say about Rhododendrons

OP - take a photo of any tree/shrub/flower and use either Google Lens or Apple Visual intelligence thing and just ask it what plant it is, what care it needs, and when you should prune it.
And your husband is a right numpty for going at any plant without a few minutes simple research.

If you need to prune or shape your oleander be sure to do it in early spring to avoid loss of flowers.

https://www.tynursery.com/plant-library/woody-ornamentals/nerium-oleander-red/

And just as an aside, my DH is not allowed off the patio.

Op - has your dh picked up all the pieces of the "poisonous to dogs" plant ? I'm worried about your dog if they were to chew a piece or roll on it .

Its weird because the whole point of trees and plants is for them to flower. So he waits until it gets to the best bit and then cuts it down saying it has to be done. Like cooking a loaf of bread and then throwing it away when warm, saying it had gone off.

Yes,in the autumn/winter!!! Is it a fruit tree, if so hes probably killed the crop. Rhododendron? Just a.twat......

Well, yes, it could be. It depends whether he knew how much you were enjoying the flowers and deliberately ruined your pleasure.

More likely: "It's called gardening" is certainly the kind of response that sounds like it could be part of a pattern of abuse - belittling you, dismissing your sadness, gaslighting you that nothing has happened to be upset about, and that you are the one in the wrong because you don't understand these basic adult responsibilities. An inability - or refusal - to accept that he's wrong and it's had an impact on you.

If it were you, and you genuinely thought you were doing the right thing, what would you have said?

Maybe 'Oh no, I thought it was looking a bit overgrown so I clipped it - I didn't realise it would upset you, really sorry DH'.

Or if you genuinely thought you knew what you were doing you'd say 'oh yes I know it's a bit brutal, but it has to be done or [reason for doing it]. And then when he said 'no, you prune after flowering, look, here's what google says' you'd say 'oh god, sorry DH, I've been a twat.'

You wouldn't say, effectively, 'DH you know nothing about how to deal with this because you are a child in this respect. I am doing what needs to be done, stop snivelling and be grateful.'

My first thought.

My ex husband destroyed all kinds of beautiful flowers when they were in bloom. Peonies, clematis, hollyhocks, etc etc. All because I loved the garden.

I mean she quite clearly does know absolutely nothing about it.

It’s been there for years, she’s never bothered with it, but yes all cleared

From many years of experience having had tons of these in my garden, I can vouch for you this is a very common hardy shrub that thrives best in a Mediterranean climate, called a laurier rose in French.

It can be cut back hard in autumn or early spring but will not flower again till the following summer. It can be pruned into a tree or left as a shrub.

It does need pruning at least every few years to maintain a dense structure. It is best to cut back hard every few years rather than lopping off only a bit every year.
Luckily, it will tolerate being mindlessly hacked at in full bloom on the Mediterranean coast, but will require several years to fill out again.

No he's a fool. You shouldn't even be doing hedges in summer, that's winter work. Birds breeding, insects breeding, he sounds a plonker.

So what?

This is so sad 😞 so angry, just senseless

And neither does he. That's the point.

He's pretending he does, in order to avoid admitting that a. he's wrong and b. he's made her sad.

His response is to say 'you are wrong to be sad' with no basis whatsoever.

Even if he did know what he was doing, which he doesn't, he should be able to acknowledge that his actions have upset her, like a grown-up.

Why are you being so unpleasant?

Oleander is classified as an invasive weed in many countries.

It's a bloody tree. It will grow back and flower again next summer.

Your husband evidently doesn't know much about gardening and neither do you, however since this specific tree is so incredibly important to you, why don't you take up gardening yourself? It's a great hobby. You could start by identifying what grows in your garden and when.