Dh cutting flowers off tree

[Lazydayathome]

Just heard Dh chopping things away in the back garden, assumed was the hedges which do need doing, but it was a beautiful, blossoming tree with pink flowers. It’s the gorgeous one I sit and look at in the evening if I sit outside, I can (well, could) just about see it when sat inside in the dining room, it’s gorgeous and gives off a lovely smell, i’d also put a string of lights around it
Went out to ask what he was doing as branches of flowers tumbling to the ground. He said it’s gardening and has to be done? Is this correct? I don’t know much about gardening tbh, but all I can see is a few flowers left on a spiky sort of tree, when previously it was big and blossoming 😔

It’s def option A or B, but still doesn’t get why i’d be upset

It's an Oleander. It's like a weed in hot places. It will grow back quite quickly (a few weeks) and will flower again too.
If you'd said that in your original post you could have been spared 7 pages of angst.

It is hard to say without knowing exactly where you are, but an Oleander may grow back a lot in one summer season, and may flower again.
If you are somewhere warm, and get enough rain, you will get a lot of growth in one season. It is more of a bush than a tree, and faster growing.

For future reference, have a conversation with him.
Basic gardening:
Do not cut trees while birds may be nesting.
Do not cut anything while in flower, wait until flowers have finished and then cut after flowers, if something flowers all summer, then cut it in the autumn.
Don't randomly chop things, large bushes and tress should be pruned with care, google them as to shape and how to prune.
Anything which has fruit, either edible, or just pretty, the fruit will be where the flowers were.

That’s Such a shame - he doesn’t really know how to garden, even though he thinks he does and perhaps more worrying is the wider damage he could be causing. Does he have an awareness of things like nests, etc?

That's not gardening. That is an idiot who knows nothing about gardening doing something completely unnecessary and irrational, fuck knows why. You only really cut trees back if they are getting out of control size-wise, or are posing a danger, or have a disease - or if they are for example a fruit tree with specific pruning needs in order to bear next year's fruit and even then I'm pretty sure Summer is totally the wrong season to do that. It doesn't sound like any of those reasons apply so yeah, he has ruined a beautiful tree in the middle of it's most beautiful moment of the year, for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I'd bury him under the patio for such a colossal act of brainless stupidity.

Nobody who has any appreciation for beauty, or who cares about his wife who does, would do that. I can't think of any possible reason for pruning a tree in flower rather than waiting until the flowers are over. It seems highly unlikely that he doesn't know that his wife enjoys the flowers.

they do in the south of the UK

He's an idiot , growth season is not when you do pruning. Maybe he's also an angry idiot.

and I'd provide the alibi

If you have the funds I would be out of the door and in a garden centre buying all the plants I’d like alongside a really beautiful bunch of flowers for myself with strict instructions to not touch anything he is clueless about. I really feel for you, it’s so sad.

What is the point of having a flowering plant if you remove all the flowers when it blooms? That's ridiculous. It's like buying loads of unripe fruit and vegetables and throwing them away as soon as they're ripe. It defeats the object.

This thread is absolutely classic Mumsnet. An OP who appears to live blissfully unaware of her surroundings or what is normal for her garden and when, oh-so-naively wondering whether the tree will still flower and whether there will be fewer birds. A bunch of misandry-fuelled lunatics eager to see signs of abuse and malice mixed with the gardening nuts who are absolutely certain the tree is ruined before eventually, after a massive drop feed, we discover the tree is (a) toxic and (b) essentially a weed where OP lives and indeed likely to grow back and flower again within a few weeks. Meaning the OP's husband is either (a) right all along or (b) lucky his bout of inexperienced gardening has done no real harm.

Highly entertaining effort.

I have a lilac tree which is pink rather than lilac in colour. I didn't know what it was the first year I moved in here and accidentally cut it back at the wrong time the first year.

Now, it flowers in May through part of June and I prune it after it's finished flowering, as advised in various gardening books and magazines.

However, I've just found this article online which suggests doing it a bit sharper.

https://horticulture.co.uk/blogs/growing/lilac-pruning

Ah. Thank you. I should have read the whole thread before posting.

I can't bear this sort of ignorant vandalism. What an ignorant, insensitive, careless and lazy (he could easily have looked up what to do) pig he must be. No more words can express how destructive this is.😱

What are you on about?

It’s not a weed and numerous places and gardens have them everywhere with no problems

Great it’s been so entertaining for you though

I know nothing about gardening or tree pruning. But we had a heavily flowering photinia in our garden and DH, who does all the gardening, said he was going to prune off the flowers as the bed below was getting very heavily shaded. I protested and pointed out the flowers still look nice and the bees need them. He was totally receptive to my protestations and said he'd leave it until the flowers have gone brown. That's what I'd expect a considerate husband to do - or else I would expect a decent explanation as to why the flowers had to come off just then.

I had a few stray flowers growing in between cracks in the patio. Husband pulled them up because they looked untidy - but then left their "bodies" wilting on the patio. It annoyed me so much. They looked even untidier just left there. I would be so angry if anyone chopped down a beautifully flowering plant. As others have said you shouldn't ever prune a plant that is flowering, unless there is a genuine reason that he hasn't told you about.

Peak MN

If this is Oleander and therefore poisonous to dogs ; shouldn't OP's husband have been even more careful given that their dog sits under it .
I bet hes the type to leave a mess behind too , so actually poor OP doesn't seem to have any control or say in her own garden . And OP the fact you are saying you can't have a full conversation with him , let alone be asked is very telling . Especially that, he's then telling you how to feel about it .land your feelings are wrong . Sorry this is emotional abuse .

I think he's confusing this with deadheading roses.

Years to grow back. He should not be lopping trees in flower, it's done in autumn. Has he got something against the tree - or you? I'd have been furious. Actually, I'd have stopped him.

My ex had a horse chestnut I loved lopped - it overshadowed the garden, but I only grew rhubarb there and rhubarb is happy in the shade. I was furious. It put another nail in the coffin of our marriage.

Completely the wrong time of year to cut any tree or hedge, they shouldnt be done until sept because of nesting season. I know you can get around that with a loophole about private gardens etc, but just because you can doesnt mean you should. He's a dickhead

Leaving aside for a bit the DH being a twat, when you cut a big shrub you need to look at it carefully to assess the shape as you’re cutting. Stand back, look, cut a bit.
Stand back, look, cut a bit.
And repeat.
That way you (hopefully) end up with a smaller but pleasingly-shaped result.
OP's DH has just hacked away as far as his arms go and presumably left the flowers on the top because he can’t reach them.
So he’s completely dim and has no visual sense on top of having no clue about gardening and that you don’t cut the flowers off a flowering plant. FFS. Flowering is the whole raison d'etre for a plant.

It's one thing someone trying to 'help', well-meaningly but misguidedly; quite another to massacre something with intent.