Dh cutting flowers off tree

[Lazydayathome]

Just heard Dh chopping things away in the back garden, assumed was the hedges which do need doing, but it was a beautiful, blossoming tree with pink flowers. It’s the gorgeous one I sit and look at in the evening if I sit outside, I can (well, could) just about see it when sat inside in the dining room, it’s gorgeous and gives off a lovely smell, i’d also put a string of lights around it
Went out to ask what he was doing as branches of flowers tumbling to the ground. He said it’s gardening and has to be done? Is this correct? I don’t know much about gardening tbh, but all I can see is a few flowers left on a spiky sort of tree, when previously it was big and blossoming 😔

Pruning most flowers or shrubs in bloom shocks them and can kill them off

Came here to say this. The sap is not only poisonous if ingested, it really irritates the skin. If he knows as much as he thinks he does about gardening, he'd know this and make sure he thoroughly washed it all off him after butchering it. If he comes out in a massive rash, well, karma eh?

It is mostly poisonous if consumed or used for barbecuing.
It can be mortel !!
Do not mistake it for bay laurel, used in cooking.

He really should know what he is doing.

Yeah, I'd have to murder my DH if he did that.

You never prune whilst something is flowering, what would be the point of having a flowering shrub to chop them all off. You usually prune after flowering.

You wont see any new blooms until this time next year now. What was he thinking!

It genuinely baffles me why women put up with such dickhead husbands.

You cut back after it's flowered!!!

That's probably it now you'll have to wait til this time next year to see the flowers again!

This is the wrong time to be taking branches off trees, they're growing! You do it when the trees dormant. You could kill it. Your DH is a DH.

Christ! He could’ve googled it! a simple Google search would’ve led him to sites like the RHS, which would’ve explained exactly when to prune it. My husband knew absolutely nothing about gardening when we got together and I told him he was going nowhere near the garden until he learned! he literally taught himself from gardening websites, asking at the local Garden Centre, YouTube etc. I can honestly now say our garden is beautiful. It really isn’t difficult to learn!

He’s either a total clown or he is being deliberately spiteful knowing it was something that OP enjoyed. Given OP‘s update about him getting angry when she objects I would assume the latter!

You don't cut trees, bushes, shrubs etc back until well after they have flowered and even then they don't always need cutting back. He is 100% wrong and tbh being very stupid.

Your DH is a clueless twat.

Greetings original commenter 💚
I'm sorry to hear your husband has removed so much of your lovely soft pink flowers & though I don't know much about gardening🙏 , I completely comprehend those who have said cutting your flowers was unnecessary
I'd just straight out tell him you don't appreciate him destroying something you love without even consulting you about it 1st 💚🫂💚
Really hope he commences some open communication with you so in the future you're given opportunities to express your important wishes too🙏
Wishing you all the utmost very best Sincere Soul
💚🙏🫂🙏💚

Well maybe to the tree lol

Is a strange question TBH

Sounds as though he has done this on purpose to upset you. Nasty behaviour.
The sort of thing older men with neurological problems would do by mistake

Maybe he just doesn't want to to do the gardening anymore.

Either way l would have a long discussion with him about how upset you are and why.

And suggest you get a Gardener which you he pays for.

Next year. If he was going to trim them, it should have been done in March or April, early May at the latest.

Well he DOES sound abusive, despite you challenging an earlier poster for suggesting that. You readily just admitted that he gets angry if you have an opinion, that's abusive behaviour.

Could you imagine Japan following his advice during cherry blossom season. 🤦‍♀️

It’s not ridiculous. If someone butchered my wisteria mid blossom I’d be bloody furious!

He could apologise, (and mean it) tell her he didn't realise she was enjoying the flowers and he won’t do it again

@CagedBirdInACage
CagedBirdInACage · 06/06/2026 12:55
"He probably feels like you are trying to make him feel bad for cutting back a tree that he had no idea that you had an emotional attachment to. It's done now, he can't change that. You've given your opinion you don't think he should have done it, now what? The tree is still cut, sulking about it or giving an opinion on it won't change it. It's one of those things that once done can't be reversed."

I'd be making him feel like shit and sorry he ever touched a gardening tool. Now what is that I would carry on making him feel like shit until I felt he had learned not to do it again. And that would not be while he was still making arsehole remarks like "its called gardening" It think @tartyflette is right but takes it nowhere near far enough

If he went at my flowering shrubs or trees they'd be murder on him... if its blossom they won't flower until next year buts there are lots of flowering shrubs that continually flower so dont worry they could be back..
Teach yourself about gardening so YOU can tell him what he can and can't cut .

To me it sounds like a sarcastic flippant brush off comment he made "it's called gardening!"
No comforting compassionate empathy or kindness in his statement
Even if he were correct which in my humble opinion, I feel him cutting to excess is not right, he should have asked for your views 1st
Marriage /relationships are a 2 way street not just based on 1 partner's opinions
💚

One of the many reasons I thank god everyday that I am single. My ex used to empty pots of herbs on to my compost heap because they "looked like weeds" planted every bed in my new raised bed vegetable garden with potato's. Dug up my baby asparagus that had taken me 5 years to cultivate. Planted 15 baby cabbage plants which obviously were all ready at the same time. Always looked absolutely outraged when I said anything. I got him a weed killer sprayer and a ride on mower and a pressure washer. He could play with them for hours. Pretending he knew what he was doing.