To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

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DD is online dating again and is messaging with a 40-year-old man. She is utterly convinced that he is interested in her as a person and that he is a genuine man. They like the same music, attend the same concerts, play the same games, and follow the same anime series.

I believe there are only 2 reasons a man this age would be interested in a 22-year-old.

1. He wants the kudos of bedding a woman in their 20s.

2. There is something wrong with him, and women his own age are too old and wise to tolerate his bullshit, so he needs to target women too young to know better.

For context, I am 44, and the idea of dating one of DD's mates is horrifying. I like them well enough. I'll happily sit and have a drink with them or a night out with them, but some of the things they say and do are childish and irritating, and I'd sooner gouge out my eyeballs with a rusty spork than be in a committed relationship with one of them.

According to DD, he works full-time and owns his own home, so he is not a basement-dwelling incel.

He wants to take her out for dinner on Monday. She's told him she's on her period, and he says that's fine, they're only going for dinner, and he doesn't want sex with her on their first date. He wants to get to know her. I don't believe him, but it's convinced DD even more that he is genuine.

I'm wondering how this would be policed, as women in our 30s will we need to report to someone who we're dating and asking permission? 😂

I'd like to see a sliding scale, similar to what they have in some US states.

Both parties under 15 - should trigger SS involvement, but not a criminal matter.

Both parties 15-17 - Fine.

17 - 19 - Fine.

19 - 25 - Fine.

Above 25, your brain is fully developed, whilst a 50-year-old dating a 25-year-old is gross and likely will result in a power imbalance, the 25-year-old is mature enough to make that choice for themselves.

Under 25, I think the risk of abuse/coercion is too high to ignore. Obviously, I realise this will never happen, as you are, technically, an adult at 18, even though you are not fully developed mentally.

The whole "your brain is fully developed by 25" thing is so oversimplified though. Yes your brain continues to develop, sometimes into the 30s even. The idea that your brain is fully cooked at exactly midnight on your 25th birthday is ridiculous and completely ignores the common sense approach that a maturing brain and frontal lobe has as much to do with life experience than simply biological age. Likewise, abuse and coercion is rife in relationships regardless of an age gap. I mean, should you not have been allowed to have children when you did given your brain wasn't developed? There are people in their 30s/40s/50s even with limited relational or life experience and people who have been living independently and are parents by 24. There's a million better ways to educate people about healthy relationships and provide support for anyone being abused than to impose these silly age rules on who grown adults can and cannot choose to have a relationship with.

The brain develops past 25, you've bought into a myth based on a study that only used participants up to the age of 25.

Also, the brain continuing to develop doesn't mean that under 25 or any other arbitary age the brain isn't 'working fully' and people can't make appropriate decisions.

@OonaStubbs It's disgusting and it should not be allowed. And the same applies to older women with younger men. People should date within a reasonable age range and yes it should be the law.

This perspective is ridiculous. The overwhelming majority of men receive very few matches on dating apps. But yet, you want to give an instruction for men to set an artificial restriction so they can't have relationships with an older man or woman, who is their age minus 7, times 2.

For literally no reason other than you want to be annoyed at people, for no reason.

The only regimes in the world that actually police relationships and punish people for having "wrong" ones are nations like Afghanistan and North Korea.

I don't think they're good role models.

I see the date has now been cancelled. However given your DD was looking for sex I am not sure why this guys motives were being questioned. From what you said, if anything he seemed more interested in a relationship with her - not unreasonable seeing as they get on and have shared interests.

but what about when its the younger one that wants the older person ?

I disagree. I married someone 21 years older. I never felt as though there was any age difference. It was an amazing relationship. We could talk for hours, were constantly laughing, doing the 'silly' things couples do and had mind-blowing sex. We could just sit in silence and snuggle up on the sofa watching TV; we were content and happy. It really was a wonderful relationship. We were a real team and had a brilliant time together. I don't regret a single second of it.

Let them find out if it works for them.

Surely you would want her to be happy?

Life is too short.

What happened?

My jaw is on the floor here. She told a man she barely knows that she's on her period to head off any idea they will sleep together on the first date?

I am so old. In my day, if anything was suggested, a simple "no, I don't do that" was usually quite enough, and if it wasn't, then it was a handy guide for who to refuse a second date with.