To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

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DD is online dating again and is messaging with a 40-year-old man. She is utterly convinced that he is interested in her as a person and that he is a genuine man. They like the same music, attend the same concerts, play the same games, and follow the same anime series.

I believe there are only 2 reasons a man this age would be interested in a 22-year-old.

1. He wants the kudos of bedding a woman in their 20s.

2. There is something wrong with him, and women his own age are too old and wise to tolerate his bullshit, so he needs to target women too young to know better.

For context, I am 44, and the idea of dating one of DD's mates is horrifying. I like them well enough. I'll happily sit and have a drink with them or a night out with them, but some of the things they say and do are childish and irritating, and I'd sooner gouge out my eyeballs with a rusty spork than be in a committed relationship with one of them.

According to DD, he works full-time and owns his own home, so he is not a basement-dwelling incel.

He wants to take her out for dinner on Monday. She's told him she's on her period, and he says that's fine, they're only going for dinner, and he doesn't want sex with her on their first date. He wants to get to know her. I don't believe him, but it's convinced DD even more that he is genuine.

It’s not an ideal situation but why mention her period ! The thing women don’t understand is ALL men of any age from 15 to 60 only seek sex ! It’s natural.Too men it’s sex first then decide if you want to get to know someone,All the dating at the beginning is to see if she’s going to give him what he wants.The getting to know comes later.To a man there is no reason to get to know a woman other than sex,you will find that men may have women as friends but they would have known them from a very early age like from primary school.How many men you consider your friend end up trying it in at some stage !.I am a father’s of 4 Grandfather of 11 married 40 years so have some life experience.Your daughter sounds very immature or knows all men will try it on on the first date if possible,age isn’t relevant.This chap may be have been working hard and getting important stuff done like getting a house etc and now wants to find someone to share it with.Leave her to it but keep an eye out for her.He may be the One.Be there for her if it goes wrong but don’t try stopping her ! otherwise she won’t tell you what’s going on and she’ll get damaged for ever.Good luck

I'm just saying, you asked how things can be not disgusting apart, but disgusting together - and that's a light-hearted example.

Or to rephrase what you said:

"Women in their teens (who are of legal age to have sex) aren't disgusting.
Men in their 50s aren't disgusting.
There are attractive people at all those ages.
How do they somehow become disgusting together?"

She said she’s looking for casual fun in her profile? Sheesh yikes have changed. Usually it would be in code not so obvious. How times have changed. Let her make her mistakes.

She told him she was on her period? Are you sure she's not the one on there looking for sex? (As well as him- you're right about him)

I saw a study recently where men and women had to say which age they found most attractive. The men's average was 24, no matter what age they were. The women's tended to match their own age.

Not being funny she's an adult choosing to talk to someone this age tho

What music are they both into? Seems odd to me they are both into the same but not impossible. Were all the correlating likes and dislikes on his profile or has he just agreed with everything she said she liked?

When I was younger, I dated someone with a similar age gap. He was nice, sane and it was long term. We are still friends now. We met by chance and neither of us would have dated anyone else had we not met- neither of us were really interested. It worked out okay.

However, now with age, I’d be very wary of this sort of thing . Especially online dating where you know someone’s age upfront. Having met men even a little older than myself who are single, there is normally some reason why they are single and women their own age aren’t interested. I made this mistake with my daughter’s father. Like you, I couldn’t imagine dating someone that young. They’d get on my nerves to be honest.

You won’t be able to do anything but gently mention some issues- like the fact you’d never date one of her friends. Might put it in perspective! Unfortunately, she may have to learn the hard way.

When I was 21 my 40 year old boss pursued me, he was divorced but at least single. I said no but he still sent me flowers anonymously, huge bouquet, very expensive and also another gift on my doorstep. I was repulsed because he was old enough to be my Father. Maybe others would have been impressed by his gestures. Obvious power imbalance there.

I find men that like anime sometimes creepy. Now some anime is dodgy and some isn’t but overall it has very tiny childlike women in it. I have my issues with anime due to the sexualisation of some childlike characters and how it feeds in to the yellow fever narrative for western men. Something that I have endured as a woman of Chinese heritage, almost all women have been sexually harassed but many of my experiences were racially motivated.

I do not want a return to Victorian values but for women this very free no holds barred OD is a risk as they are always the one left holding the baby. Men take no risk when they sleep with women apart from an STD.

I saw a similar study with the age at 18. It was the lowest age and I do wonder if the men would have gone lower if allowed.
Women tended to stick to men their own age, or a few years older.

Or he's incredibly immature and lacks responsibility so no women his age would go there!

Also worth doing a claires law to check him out. He may go for young girls as they are easier to coerce

Man: Hey want to go on a date?
DD: I'm on my period!
Man: Umm, ok?

This thread is clearly a bash on relationships with a large age gap. Most 22 year olds will be in a full time job or have just finished uni and will be starting their careers.

I don't think there's anything weird sounding about this guy tbh.

Guy prefers to date hotter younger woman and young woman prefers to date maturer older guy. Tale as old as time. Nothing to see here.

How does she know for a fact that he has a full time job and his own house?

Again ill point out that if a man has set his dating site age perameter for half his own age or less, there is usually a motive, for example, if a woman is half a mans age and the man is 40, the young woman in question would be a hell of alot easier to manipulate and control than a woman of the mans own age not due to the woman being stupid as someone else kindly pointed out, but due to the fact that most females lack experience with relationships at that age.Not in all cases I grant you, I am speaking from personal experience.

The motive could equally be he finds someone half his age more attractive, and wants a non-rushed option to have children if he doesn't already?

It's like assuming the woman that go for older men are golddiggers that want to snag an asset rich partner with the hopes and securing half of that for themselves.

She's 21+. Once people are, I don't really care what the age gap is, they're both adults making the choices they're entitled to.

Your DD got poor boundaries. He knows that. There was no need to tell him that she was on her period. Why is this relevant? He is a predator and grooming your DD.

Yes of course a man almost twice as old as a 22 yesr old is going to find her attractive! Thst gors without saying, like a pointed out personally, a tad slimy for me.
Get a grip.

In answer to your thread title there's an obvious genuine reason why he wants to days a 22 year old - to get his hands (and willy) on some young flesh. You've identified that yourself.

She has "casual fun" on her profile and is willing to meet him and has shared details of her menstrual cycle to infer that she would/will be planning to have sex with him. He must be beside himself with excitement.

The interest expressed in dating and getting to know her ... cynically he's probably trying to make sure he gets a few repeat shags or of it because he doesn't know when he'll next have a chance with a 22 year old beauty, perhaps never.

Might want a trophy wife and a family in due course but that's really more along the same theme.

Might want to mould and control her. Not so sure about that. She sounds pretty sure of herself. So maybe, maybe not.

Probably another asset of dating someone so young is that they are unlikely to have kids, a troublesome ex husband or complicated home situation. A lot men can't be bothered with complications and just want an easy life and access to regular sex (yes that again).

Fascinated by her hobbies and personality? Well they haven't even met yet so that's unlikely. (I don't doubt that she's a lovely person but he doesn't know that yet!)

Maybe they just enjoy the natural beauty of a young body and prefer the zest for life that a younger mind has? Experience and wisdom brings paranoia and skepticism which are a major downside to dating a woman in their 40s

Also, is it ok for a middle aged man to wait to have kids with a woman half his age like you say?

When I was 25 I dated a 51 year old. We had great sex and great fun for about 9 months. It didn't work out, but I think we both look back on it with fondness and I don't regret a minute of it.

I definitely think part of the outrage is that the dynamic (as well as concerns about power imbalances etc) feels unfair to middle aged women, who understandably want a man their own age but feel dismayed that they seem more attracted to women 10+ years younger. It upsets the balance as a lot of people wind up single in their 40s (age when a lot of first marriages start to implode) and it’s disheartening for them that the only men interested are at least 10 years older.

There has been a positive update from DD. The other young man she's been messaging with/meeting up with asked her on Saturday if she would consider deleting dating apps and agree to only chat/meet up with each other, and she agreed, so the date tonight has been cancelled, thank God. This lad is local, closer in age, and they have a few friends in common, so we know he is not married with three kids at home.

I met her dad when I was 19 and was living with him, with a baby and a mortgage by 21, so I never dated. I don't understand dating. Apparently, this does not mean they are a couple; it means they are considering becoming a couple . But I am happy tonight's date is now off the cards.

There was some good advice on this thread regarding drink spiking/did he have her music preferences on his profile or did he agree with hers when she told him, etc., so I'll keep all of that in mind in case it doesn't work out with this guy and we end up back here in a couple of months.