To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

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DD is online dating again and is messaging with a 40-year-old man. She is utterly convinced that he is interested in her as a person and that he is a genuine man. They like the same music, attend the same concerts, play the same games, and follow the same anime series.

I believe there are only 2 reasons a man this age would be interested in a 22-year-old.

1. He wants the kudos of bedding a woman in their 20s.

2. There is something wrong with him, and women his own age are too old and wise to tolerate his bullshit, so he needs to target women too young to know better.

For context, I am 44, and the idea of dating one of DD's mates is horrifying. I like them well enough. I'll happily sit and have a drink with them or a night out with them, but some of the things they say and do are childish and irritating, and I'd sooner gouge out my eyeballs with a rusty spork than be in a committed relationship with one of them.

According to DD, he works full-time and owns his own home, so he is not a basement-dwelling incel.

He wants to take her out for dinner on Monday. She's told him she's on her period, and he says that's fine, they're only going for dinner, and he doesn't want sex with her on their first date. He wants to get to know her. I don't believe him, but it's convinced DD even more that he is genuine.

It’s a tale as old as time and doesn’t need to be sinister. They can both potentially benefit from the relationship - if she wants sex he probably has more experience and is attractive because he has his own house, money, can potentially “look after” her which if we’re honest a lot of women want.

And he gets to have sex with a 22 year old.

It isn’t gross she’s an adult. The age gap will excite them both.

But if he has baggage, is married, or wants to be married soon then it might not work for them both and hopefully they can each be respectful enough to leave it.

Anyone of any age can be toxic.

shared interests - possible narc. This is what they do, groom and charm. I would be very weary

Of the bat her telling him that info about her period is unfortunately screaming easy to him. So maybe they’ve had sexual chemistry and he does infact find her attractive

Eew she did not need to tell him anything about her period! A date is just a date. But why does she want to date an old man (compared to her) that’s double her age?! Bit gross and she can do better.

i was 23 when I met my DH he was 39. Been together 25 years and we are both still head over heels in love. Just because YOU find it abhorrent doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them dating. They are both adults with capacity.

22-year-old women are women.

People always say older men live for young women so they can control someone.

I hate to say it, but I think the reason is women are most physically attractive in their twenties. They have soft skin, lack of stretch marks, great hair, and don't put on weight.

When you are a man with plenty of options because you are financially doing well it's a trade-off: her looks, his money.

However I would personally not want my daughter, when she reaches 22, to date someone who is that much older than her. They may go on to get married. And the women often always regret it when they get a bit older. How many threads have we seen on Netmums about that, hey?

You’re not being unreasonable to think he is some creepy older men who can’t get women his own age because it’s most likely true however I get why she overshared telling him and you about the period thing because it seems you also say some odd things lol

It’s grim both ways. What does she want from an older man. To me it’s disgusting both ways. Both him and her.

I wonder how low his age parameter was actually set on the dating app(s) ? Or or high for that matter! Slimy old git

I wonder how low his age parameter was actually set on the dating app(s) ? Or or high for that matter! Slimy old git

Old perv comes to my mind

probably married!

OP I think the best you can do now is be a little less vocal. She’s proceeding ahead and heard what you have to say. Now you need to bite your tongue so if things progress 1) she feels still able to open up to you without your judgement or your saying ‘I told you so’ - even if you would not do that, she will have her pride dented. 2) this will be hard but the best way for you to keep an eye on coercive/controlling behaviour 3) if you seek supportive and it progresses you can suggest meeting him at the pub and getting a view for yourself - grown ups do that right, she won’t want to keep him hidden away if she’s in a grown up relationship?

Be careful she doesn’t keep quiet as she’s very open.

Her announcing her period to him before
meeting him would (if I was him) give me the ick as demonstrates her immaturity.

Bit odd. I’m a 45 year old man and the early-twenties women at work seem like children to me.

But hers would have been set to 40s.

I agree with you 100%

Yes potentially a creep but you need to let her be and live her life. I met my partner at 23 he was 35. I'm pretty sure there was some raised eyebrows but we are 19 years down with a child and it's not perfect but we are happy. I don't think I could tolerate a man child my own age.
It really depends on her maturity and if he is young at heart.
The fact she's warned him she is on her period whilst cringey it does show she has not had much good experience with people her own age who are also after just one thing.
Just safety tips for her dates is the only advice you should be giving.

Wonder how high hers was set?

My cousin ended up dating a 32 year old at 18. The family were supportive but I always thought it was odd. I’m personally now 33 and I just cannot imagine dating anyone that young. They got married when she was 20 and he was nearly 35, they’ve now got two kids and they’re still married so age gaps can sometimes work but it’s rare. And it still does not sit right for me that a fully grown man wanted a teenager. I’d say you’re right to be concerned.

Id also be very suspicious that he’s already married. Not the first time something like this has happened.

Ultimately there’s not a lot you can do but I’d just tell her to be careful, be wary of love bombing and treat any conversation about long term or serious commitment with serious skepticism.

Doesn't make it ok

He was looking for a woman in her 20s, she was looking for a man in his 40s.

They are both adults.

Absolutely baffling and grim

Also, a 40 year old man would know how inexperienced and possibly vulnerable a 22 year old would be in comparison to a woman his own age whereas a woman of 22 would only believe she is as mature and adult as a 40 year old adult.

I don’t know. I started sleeping with a 55 year old man when I was 25 and still am at 37. It’s lasted almost 12 years and I’m fairly certain he’d interested in me as a person.

Sweeping statements on both sides. People are individuals.