To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

[Frequency]

DD is online dating again and is messaging with a 40-year-old man. She is utterly convinced that he is interested in her as a person and that he is a genuine man. They like the same music, attend the same concerts, play the same games, and follow the same anime series.

I believe there are only 2 reasons a man this age would be interested in a 22-year-old.

1. He wants the kudos of bedding a woman in their 20s.

2. There is something wrong with him, and women his own age are too old and wise to tolerate his bullshit, so he needs to target women too young to know better.

For context, I am 44, and the idea of dating one of DD's mates is horrifying. I like them well enough. I'll happily sit and have a drink with them or a night out with them, but some of the things they say and do are childish and irritating, and I'd sooner gouge out my eyeballs with a rusty spork than be in a committed relationship with one of them.

According to DD, he works full-time and owns his own home, so he is not a basement-dwelling incel.

He wants to take her out for dinner on Monday. She's told him she's on her period, and he says that's fine, they're only going for dinner, and he doesn't want sex with her on their first date. He wants to get to know her. I don't believe him, but it's convinced DD even more that he is genuine.

You’re not wrong… but she’s an adult. You just have to let her get on with it and find out for herself.

A sweeping statement? Sounds dramatic, which my comment was not in any way. Just an opinion

Sweeping statement as in all 20w something women are vulnerable, and all 40 year old men are creepy.

I want to start out by saying I totally get your point of view and if it were my daughter, it would make me very uncomfortable too. My children are early teens, but I work with a lot of older teens/early 20s and completely agree with you that, to me, they are still children. I'll happily have a chat/joke with them and some of them I genuinely enjoy their company, but at no point have I ever thought about getting into a relationship with one! But... I say that as someone who has been married and got two children, helping to look after elderly parents while also trying to run a household. Basically, I find them immature, because they literally are! However maybe this man is at a different stage of life to us and despite the age difference is actually closer maturity wise to your daughter. For your daughter to be interested in him, I'm presuming she is fairly mature for her age.
Personally, I'd just be reminding your daughter to stay safe, don't rely on a singular method of birth control and take things slow.

Unfortunately men are becoming lower quality over time. I always dated men my own age but they were horrendous! Flaky, rude, inconsiderate, in need of mothering. Lots of bad dates with forgotten wallets, only walking as far as their own front door at the end when mine was only 5 minutes further on, not replying to texts for days followed by weird love bombing, phoning their mums every day for a chat. These were, on paper, good catches - men with good jobs and from ‘nice’ backgrounds. But they were just absolute turn offs.

Then I met DH who is older than me (although not by as much as mentioned here) who had his own place, drove to pick me up and drop me off (I didn’t have a car I hasten to add!), remembered my birthday, organised nice dates, could hold interesting conversation beyond childish nonsense about gaming and football, didn’t need parenting. It was a bit of a revelation tbh.

I’ve just got into bed after having a conversation about what would happen if we woke up tomorrow and America had vanished 😂, and now he’s bringing me my nightly cup of tea.

Yes I agree with this, like there ha to be a reason for her not to, rather than I don't want to and I'm not going to being enough

She would only believe that if she’s stupid, tbf.

Passport Bros aren’t exactly looking for a trophy wife - more, as has been disgustingly, said ‘b-tches to bang’

I think that the key difference is that your friends met organically. They weren't in an environment which principally exists to facilitate dating (such as an app or a bar), they would have had the chance to get to know one another before dating was on the cards.

Not stupid no, can you not read.? Just young and inexperienced

but it isn't either or. no one is saying the law should only be a random sum someone once thought up for a laugh or a free for all. I'd happily support a law saying under 18 there can't be any age gap or more than 2-3 years, cos they're still a child. it's super it up to 21 TBF. not sure how enforcement would work, but at least it would set boundaries.

legally the day before counts, morally it doesn't. I don't think two 15 year olds having sex the day before their birthday is somehow worse than a week later. it counts legally because the law needs a line. it's worked around by very little happening if a 15 year old is having sex with someone their own age or similar.

it wouldn't be better if she was telling a 22 year old guy she'd nelver met before either. it's either bad regardless of age, or it's fine regardless of age

maybe my is making me sensitive but he's not old. he's 40. i think 40 is a weird age. I read a post about 42 being the age where no one has the same notes. some people are grandparents at 42, some just having their first child, some are getting engaged, some divorced, some spend weekends sleep deprived at soft play, some sleep deprived in Ibiza.

Well, currently it's a free for all once someone is 16, which isn't great, imo. I don't want a 60-year-old to be legally able to groom and have sex with my 16-year-old.

The half your age plus seven actually works pretty well - if my maths is right, then for a 16-year-old, the max age would be 18, for a 20-year-old, 26, and for a 24-year-old, 33. And by the time someone is 25, I think they should have enough life experience to make those decisions responsibly for themselves (hopefully!)

But yes, it's a little complicated, and probably wouldn't be easily normalised or enforced, so not very realistic. I agree that what they call a 'Romeo and Juliet law' should be put into place for people aged 16 - 18, though.

Who answers a request to go out with, "I'm on my period?" 🤔

I do agree that the guy can't handle a woman in his age group.

I really don't get this.

Women in their 20s aren't disgusting.

Men of 40 aren't disgusting.

There are attractive people at all those ages.

How do they somehow become disgusting together?

Honey is delicious.

Marmite is delicious.

Honey and marmite on a sandwich together is disgusting (I'm sure someone will pop up to say they love it 🤣)

She told him she was on her period before a first date? What the hell? It’s all just totally ick! Of course he is interested because she’s young and she’s also sexualised the whole thing.

Why would she tell this man she is on her period when they haven't even met yet? Was she going to have sex with him had she not been? I just can't imagine telling someone I was yet to meet this, "would you like to go to dinner?" "Yes, I'd love to but I am on my period" how is that a normal reply? Maybe this is why he goes for girls this age? I have a few girlfriends who are very early 40's and have just started dating after divorce, one is on date 5 and still hasn't kissed him, even though they are both very attracted to oneanother and things are going great. Maybe age appropriate women are harder to get into bed?

A 40 year old with a 22 year old is utterly grim though, I would imagine he's either a sleeze bag just out for sex with young girls or he just can't get women his own age so he goes after naive just out of uni girls. I wouldn't be happy, even though my daughter would be an adult by this point and there's nothing illegal about it.

He's an old man Wait till she sees his saggy nads

If she was perfectly fine with it she wouldn't be asking other people's opinions on the age difference

Is he married or living with someone. a lot of married men online looking for fun

Being ‘young and inexperienced’ doesn’t preclude someone from knowing that at 22, she’s not as ‘mature and adult’ as someone almost twice her age who has nearly 2 decades more of adulthood under their belt. That’s common sense. Unless, as I said, she’s stupid.

Men prefer younger women; women prefer older men. More news at 11.

It's really not similar. It's just two people shagging .

Mr friend’s 22 year old DD is living with a 45 year old man. Met at work. Friend says the DD insists it’s all great and he treats her so much better than men her own age. She is quite vulnerable with lots of mental health issues and is quite needy.
Friend is letting it play its course whilst staying alert. There are already cracks appearing around control and domestic expectations. But she can see why DD is enjoying the relationship. All she can do is watch carefully and keep gently reminding what a future might look like.

I know! And at 22. My Mum knew next to nothing about my social/sex life after about the age of 15.