Elderly gentleman refused my help getting off the train

[givemeareasonto]

I’m getting the train to visit a friend today. On my first train there was an elderly man who had a suitcase and another bag with him, as well as a walking stick. He had assistance to get on the train.

I was getting off at the same stop as him and he was looking around a bit aimlessly, obviously looking for help. I asked if he needed a hand to get his things off the train and he scoffed and said “he wouldn’t take help from a woman”.

I left him to it, but to be honest it’s left a really sour taste in my mouth. AIBU to think this was a really dick-ish thing to say? I wanted to snap back at him and say if he didn’t want help from a woman, he shouldn’t be travelling with more than he can cope with, but I didn’t.

My take is he probably didn't want to ask a woman to help out of chivalry, rather than anything else, given he was of a certain age....that would have been how I'd have interpreted it anyway.

”Chivalry” is sexism in a different suit, it’s utter rubbish to say you don’t want help from a woman

It was dick ish. Unfortunately being old and vulnerable doesn’t stop you behaving like a dick.

He was probably embarrassed.

I’d have laughed in his face and said good luck then and walked off with my middle finger in the air. Men are twats

Sounds like you met my Dad!

He can be very 'old school' like that and will often make a sexist remark e.g. if he sees me lift the bonnet of my car up to top up screen wash or check oil levels.

I just don’t get it. If you need help, you need help, surely?

Pride. He was embarrassed that he's no longer the big strong man helping others, particularly women.

it was a different world when he was young as it will be different when you are elderly.

Good for him.

It’s not the world he grew up in and sexism isn’t acceptable now.

It can be really hard to admit you need help. FIL is in his 80’s and would rather struggle alone than accept help from a stranger.

The elderly grew up in a different world to that which we inhabit now. He may just be being a dick however I think it’s more likely that in ‘his day’ women were the ones being looked after and helped not men.

I’m disabled. I use a wheelchair.

people do offer me help sometimes and sometimes I need it and sometimes I don’t

sometimes I’m just looking for the platform monitor or the person who was supposed to meet me ir the coffee shop.

i am always very polite when refusing help after a nasty incident in St Pancras when a drunk lady offered to help me and got very offended when I said I didn’t need it and then followed me asking what was wrong with me and telling me all about her arthritis and asking personal details of me. Took several security guards to make her go away and I was very shaken.

people are dicks.

able bodied people can be dicks
disabled people can be dicks

It's not easy to accept you need help, getting older isn't easy.

a man if hus generation will often find it more difficult to accept that type of help from a woman. The world may have changed but hus life experience hasn't.

Twattish comment.

Whatever his reasoning, he was rude and dismissive.

Ok keep not even trying to understand. You clearly just want a ridiculous argument.

Yep

But he could have been polite and sexist chivalrous, “oh no I couldn’t ask a lady to help” rather than what sounds like quite an unpleasant response… depends on his tone really.

What do you want us to say, OP? Yes he's clearly a dick? Nobody but him knows why he said that.

Oh get over yourself

Sorry your day was ruined OP. Next time, just shove ‘em out the train door flat on their faces on to the platform.

That’ll learn them.

I'm not convinced what he said & the OP heard were the same thing!

He had assistance getting on the train... I wonder what he would have done if the train assistance person had turned up and was female...

He was being a dick.

Whatever his reason for not wanting your help, he could have declined politely. But instead he chose to decline in a rude way.

What a boorish old git! Personally I’d just shrug my shoulders and forget it.