Elderly gentleman refused my help getting off the train

[givemeareasonto]

I’m getting the train to visit a friend today. On my first train there was an elderly man who had a suitcase and another bag with him, as well as a walking stick. He had assistance to get on the train.

I was getting off at the same stop as him and he was looking around a bit aimlessly, obviously looking for help. I asked if he needed a hand to get his things off the train and he scoffed and said “he wouldn’t take help from a woman”.

I left him to it, but to be honest it’s left a really sour taste in my mouth. AIBU to think this was a really dick-ish thing to say? I wanted to snap back at him and say if he didn’t want help from a woman, he shouldn’t be travelling with more than he can cope with, but I didn’t.

I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s an age thing. I’m on trains daily and the highest proportion of accidents are oaps trying to get up and down stairs when there are perfectly good lifts.

He's old school and was likely embarrassed at his inability to manage his things himself, to the point that a young woman offered to help. His reaction was unfortunate but I would have felt sorry for him rather than angry. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it

I can't imagine getting this worked up over someone not wanting my help

I have been physically disabled (mobility impaired) since the age of 46, and walk with the aid of a rollator. People often ask me if I need help, and even if I politely decline, I always follow up with "Thank you for asking though". I wouldn't want them to be disinclined to offer help in the future. It's always very much appreciated.

Me neither given that many people who work in the rail industry are women. If he booked assistance he'd be likely to get a woman helping him anyway.

Judge a man by the world he grew up in when he was 21.

My Dad's 90 and there is no way he would act like that. He has 4 girls. I have helped with bags before so has my 87 yr old Mom.

But this was not just a reluctance to accept help through pride, it's refusing help (that's he wanted and needed) from a woman.

Just because he is elderly, there is no excuse to be rude. Obviously been a complete dickhead all his life.

Good Lord, you are totally overthinking this. He's just a grumpy old git - laugh at him and move on ffs 😁

Did he say it in a nasty manner.

So if he’d said “I don’t need help from someone your colour” (I actually heard an elderly patient say this to a black nurse in hospital once 😱) that would be ok, would it? Because the world has changed but his life experience hasn’t?
Absolutely not. We need to call out discriminatory behaviour wherever we see it.

So if he’d said “I don’t need help from someone your colour” (I actually heard an elderly patient say this to a black nurse in hospital once 😱) that would be ok, would it? Because the world has changed but his life experience hasn’t?
Absolutely not. We need to call out discriminatory behaviour wherever we see it.

We need to stop being offended by trivia.

Sexism is trivia?

OP how old are you? You seem adamant that the world has changed etc and yes of course it has but this is an elderly man who is still living is "his" world. Can you not see that for him, he did not want help from a woman because, for him, that's not the done thing? Yes it came across as rude in the way it came out but he's likely struggling with the fact that he needs help in the first place

Would you say the same if he was being racist, rather than sexist?

It was nothing to do with racism though. Why do you keep posting about this? Asking multiple posters the same question. Why the whataboutery? Racism is irrelevant here.

If you want to start your own thread about racism you go ahead. I'm sharing the OP

Same.

You don’t sound much better yourself!

Wow he was really rude; I can't imagine ever speaking to a stranger like that, let alone one that has just offered to help me. I'm not sure why people are acting as though they wouldn't care if someone was so unnecessarily rude to them in response to helpfulness. Manners exist.

My point is that it took many years for there to be a shift in social attitudes towards race. The same needs to happen with everyday sexism like this - zero tolerance. If you can’t see that, you’re part of the problem.

Answering
Not sharing!

That's just your interpretation of the word 'chivalry', it may be silly to refuse help from anyone, it's not utter rubbish. If someone holds a door open for me I will accept it and say Thanks, anything else would be churlish, but I would never expect it.