AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

[TakeawayRow]

Last weekend we got an Indian takeaway with family who were visiting. Everyone chose their food and I ordered it.

Some people decided they wanted to try others food, everyone was ok with that but I asked that people didn’t use the same utensils for the vegan dishes and meat dishes because I’m vegan and didn’t want meat in my food.

I thought this was a normal, fair and easy request but a couple of my family members started saying I was being over the top and asking what I thought would happen if some meat got in my food. I said I didn’t want to eat meat or animal products, even tiny amount, not that I thought anything would happen. They accused me of ruining the evening. I didn’t. I asked them, they caused a fuss, I explained my reasons and then carried on with the night. Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.

Would you have had an issue with using separate utensils to put some of the vegan food on your plate, would you have seen it as ‘over the top’ or just been courteous and used different utensils with no fuss?

We are seeing this family member again next month. Lucky us. We will likely get a takeaway again and I’m thinking of just saying hands off and no one can try mine. 😬

Do you have to see these people again, and if so do you have to eat with them?

I'm veggie in meat eating household and separate utensils are expected or it just all feels contaminated. That sounds extreme but I can't think of a better word.

I’m definitely not a vegan. But no, that is completely understandable in my book - tbh I’d probably judge a vegan who WAS happy to risk animal products in their food far more! It obviously is something that means a lot to you and I would respect that.

What next, defending double dipping.

And why are they delving into yours when you aren’t able to do the same!? That’s not fair!

Do you have to see the same family again later this month? They sound awful and very ungrateful if you paid for all their food yet they still felt obliged to be rude and childish to the point of not speaking to you. They wouldn't be welcome in my house.

How rude and ignorant of your family member. I’m vegetarian and make sure there are utensils in every dish. I’ve never had the response you got.. they sound uneducated. It’s not rocket science to know a vegan is a vegan. I’ve had slip ups where someone’s talking and forgets to use the correct cutlery but if I point it out they always apologise.

I wouldn’t be getting another takeaway with those two.. and to make you feel bad for it bloody cheek!! I’d ask them for dinner and douse their’s in something they really hate.. tell them it won’t hurt them! Idiots.

I did separate them. The meat dishes were on one side of the the kitchen island, the vegan dishes were on the other so people had to walk around to get from the meat to the vegan ones. I completely understand that as they are not vegan (and don’t have allergies), that they wouldn’t necessarily think to not go from one to the other, but when asked, I would expect them to just use a separate utensil.

I eat meat. I like vegetarian and vegan food too.

They are selfish twats.

Eat your dish and refuse to share next time because they can't be trusted to respect how you feel.

It's not the same but I feel the principle is similar to someone who has an allergy or a religious belief. Not being conscious of others food preferences is not ok.

As long as you aren't demanding they don't eat meat in front of you, it's all fine.

Me too. I order what I want to eat and that’s it. Not an easy feat at some places nowadays when the server insisted on plonking it in the middle of the table. Easier for the server as don’t need to remember who ordered what!

It's rude anyway, because they're asking to have some of yours, but they know you can't have any of theirs. That's not fair in the first place.

I’m vegan (technically veggie with lactose intolerance)

yes we keep vegan dishes separate.
even my 80 year old mum can understand this

OP - my personal belief having been vegan for 10 years now, is that people who kick up a fuss about stuff like this (and those who call it “precious”!) do it because they are (perhaps subconsciously) guilty about their own meat eating. Obviously you were perfectly reasonable.

I have to say - when I say I’m not a vegan I am someone very far removed from the OP. I eat meat (I am
incredibly fussy about where it comes from etc) and we shoot through the season. We have Gundogs, I prepare game including pheasants/partridge/duck/venison etc. I pluck/skin/butcher etc. so definitely not vegan!

however I am shocked at the comments on here aimed at OP. We have diametrically opposing viewpoints, however I respect anyone’s choice! There is no need for snarky, rude comments.

You did nothing wrong, OP. Your family are very rude.

When they next come round, and if you are paying for the takeaway, I would order exclusively vegan dishes. And tell them why.

I m a meat eater, but would never 1) put a fork which had been in contact with meat onto a vegan/vegetarian's plate or 2) put a fork which had been in my mouth onto anybody's plate or into their food.

I agree with you completely. Next time I’d announce, no one try my food as it’s the only one I can eat.

Why?

Id kick up a fuss if they used a beefy curry spoon on a chicken curry dish ... We have serving spoons/tongs for each dish.

So OP is not being precious at all in not wanting meaty spoons in her food.

I am very much opposed to veganism but even I make sure to honour my vegan friends requests when it comes to separate utensils, plates, preparation, etc. What they did is so vastly unreasonable and gross. They are the ones who made a fuss and ruined the evening when they could have just said "okay, no problem". Good luck next month, I'd cancel on them tbh.

Is there any need to be so rude and ignorant to the OP?

She wasn't.

You're just sounding like you're angry at vegans.... Are you a closet vegan? Insecure in your meat eating habits? Do you mean to project your feelings to others who have the strength of character to say "actually, no, I don't agree with something and I will live my life by that"?

Did it make you feel better today to insult someone for the choice of what goes in their mouth?

Have a good long inward think..

I was referring to the side dishes.

Why are you opposed to it?

Exactly - regardless of whether it’s vegan or not that’s the normal civilised way to share food.

Sorry you’ve got such nasty rude relatives OP.

Yanbu. I had prawns and lamb. I’d insist the same if anyone tried to dip their spoon in my food. But on those sharing occasions I put a spoon per dish so they don’t mix.

Well.... Presumably any vegan side dishes would still mean no meat spoons please and ... They'd be presumably for OP in the main any way???