AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

[TakeawayRow]

Last weekend we got an Indian takeaway with family who were visiting. Everyone chose their food and I ordered it.

Some people decided they wanted to try others food, everyone was ok with that but I asked that people didn’t use the same utensils for the vegan dishes and meat dishes because I’m vegan and didn’t want meat in my food.

I thought this was a normal, fair and easy request but a couple of my family members started saying I was being over the top and asking what I thought would happen if some meat got in my food. I said I didn’t want to eat meat or animal products, even tiny amount, not that I thought anything would happen. They accused me of ruining the evening. I didn’t. I asked them, they caused a fuss, I explained my reasons and then carried on with the night. Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.

Would you have had an issue with using separate utensils to put some of the vegan food on your plate, would you have seen it as ‘over the top’ or just been courteous and used different utensils with no fuss?

We are seeing this family member again next month. Lucky us. We will likely get a takeaway again and I’m thinking of just saying hands off and no one can try mine. 😬

People who are omnivores, generally speaking, do not understand vegans want their food to be clean because from their lived experience the "contamination" is "nothing." But for someone who eats a specific diet, the contamination can be profound and even ruin a dish. So while you had the right to stop them, what you also did was embarrass them. That's why they were acting out.

You were fully within your rights to insist they put the serving utensil back. However, when I state omnivores don't get it, I really mean it. If you don't want the sulking afterwards, be as kind as you can and train them because people don't like to be called out.

Next time, organize the food differently. Yes, it's on you because you are the one who doesn't want your food contaminated while omnivores don't care. You don't want to have to police it either because that would be a pain, just serve it differently. If you have the space for it, place the vegan dishes on an entirely different service area, or cordon it off with something visual from the meat dishes. I used to use different colored serving spoons and announce the colors.

If the areas are separate with a visible divider, they will be less likely to remove those utensils from their respective dishes. Plus, if they take the utensil from where the meat dishes are located and head toward the vegan dish area, it gives you a longer moment to intervene without calling them out and embarrassing them.

I’m a meat eater but I agree with you, it’s not much to ask to keep utensils separate. It sounds like people were putting forks that have been in their mouths into serving dishes, and I would have a huge problem with that.

I'm sorry but I feel that tarring all omnivore with the same brush won't go down well @SparklyLeader

Bigoted and uneducated omnivores behave like that, but many omnivores, including myself are with the OP.

Most omnivores aren't ignorant and bad mannered toddlers who have to be coaxed into behaving like polite guests with an elaborate system of different coloured spoons and separate areas for each type of food.

It wouldn't have even have made a difference in OP's case as she had already put separate serving spoons into each of the dishes and her relative just continued to stick his own used fork into OP's food.

The most foolproof solution is for OP to stop inviting this rude and ignorant guest to her home and certainly not feeding them at her own expence.

Im an omnivore and I would NEVER behave like that.
I dont believe most would.

What a load of absolute nonsense. You are completely letting these people off the hook when they have behaved appallingly. You are trying to make it about the OP’s “organisation” of the food; laying it on with a trowel that she apparently hasn’t been kiiiind, that people don’t like to be called out.

Well, I’m afraid that’s tough titty. These people are not blissfully unaware - they are actively ignorant. You could teach a child to dish up with a spoon but eat with a fork. There’s no way these so-called adults didn’t know what they were doing - and to excuse them on the grounds that they probably didn’t like being told they were wrong is pathetic.

Since they were so keen to try your vegan dishes, if you're ordering and paying next time, only order vegan. Afterall, they have no problem helping themselves to vegan dishes and doing without meat for one meal won't kill them. If you're lucky they won't bother coming round again.

You are sooooooo NOT being unreasonable, OP.

as a vegetarian of course you don’t want a utensil which has touched dead animal swilling around in your food.

also… were they wanting to put their forks that they had been eating from in your dish to sample it?? Gross! So not only did that want dead animal corpse but their own manky saliva to contaminate your food.

they sound quite rank

Not unreasonable from you at all.
my brother in laws partner is Muslim so only eats halal meat but when around us is vegetarian as he finds it easier. And my own sister is vegetarian, we do bbqs etc (theirs are usually cooked in the oven) and family roasts occasionally, we use serving spoons or if we need to use our forks to dish up anything non-meat, we do that BEFORE we touch any meat with the fork when we dish up.
it’s just common courtesy to not taint vegetarian/vegan dishes with meat!

Of course you're not being unreasonable - your family were being knobs.

For all those people who have commented saying they'd roll their eyes or you were being precious, what the actual f-?

Being a vegetarian, vegan, pescetarian etc. isn't like saying you don't like mushrooms, it's a complete diet and lifestyle decision, which has often been followed for years, and has nothing to do with you!

I've been a vegetarian for 30 years, since very early childhood and meat literally isn't a food source to me. I don't judge other people for eating it and don't impose my views on other people, but I wouldn't want it in my food and using the same utensils would automatically mean that I then couldn't eat my food. I don't want to eat dead animals.

Swapping utensils is literally the bare minimum and requires such little effort - if that's worthy of an 'eye roll' then you are just massively showing how uneducated, intolerant and selfish you are.

@ClayPotaLot This is a false equivalence. Nobody is arguing that the world should “revolve around” vegans. Basic consideration is not the same thing as entitlement.
We routinely make small accommodations for people whose choices aren’t medically necessary. We provide halal and kosher food, offer vegetarian options, serve alcohol-free drinks, avoid scheduling important events on major religious holidays, and respect people’s ethical or cultural beliefs. We don’t do that because the world revolves around them; we do it because living in a civil society involves a degree of mutual respect.
Veganism is also not simply a “self-imposed dietary restriction” for many people. It’s an ethical belief about animal welfare. You don’t have to agree with it, just as you don’t have to share someone’s religion or political views, but dismissing it as nothing more than a food preference misrepresents what it is.
No one is saying everyone has a duty to cater for every vegan. But deliberately refusing even basic consideration isn’t a virtue- it’s discourtesy. There’s a significant difference between saying “I can’t accommodate that” and saying “I won’t because your beliefs don’t matter.”
By your logic, we shouldn’t make any effort for anyone unless there’s a medical necessity. That would mean no vegetarian options, no halal or kosher meals, no alcohol-free alternatives at social events, and no respect for ethical or religious convictions simply because they’re voluntary. Most people recognise that’s not how respectful societies function.

I haven’t made any of the claims you seem to be attributing to me.