AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

[TakeawayRow]

Last weekend we got an Indian takeaway with family who were visiting. Everyone chose their food and I ordered it.

Some people decided they wanted to try others food, everyone was ok with that but I asked that people didn’t use the same utensils for the vegan dishes and meat dishes because I’m vegan and didn’t want meat in my food.

I thought this was a normal, fair and easy request but a couple of my family members started saying I was being over the top and asking what I thought would happen if some meat got in my food. I said I didn’t want to eat meat or animal products, even tiny amount, not that I thought anything would happen. They accused me of ruining the evening. I didn’t. I asked them, they caused a fuss, I explained my reasons and then carried on with the night. Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.

Would you have had an issue with using separate utensils to put some of the vegan food on your plate, would you have seen it as ‘over the top’ or just been courteous and used different utensils with no fuss?

We are seeing this family member again next month. Lucky us. We will likely get a takeaway again and I’m thinking of just saying hands off and no one can try mine. 😬

The way round this is to put the entire contents of the vegetarian dish that you choose onto your plate from the takeaway container as soon as it arrives. That way nobody has the chance to try to get near it with their meaty cutlery.

The thought of eating animals makes me feel sick, so there is that too. I wouldn’t want to get even the slightest taste or texture of it.

I don’t want to get into the morality of eating animal products, that wasn’t the point of my thread and everyone can eat what they want. I just wanted others thoughts on whether they would see being asked to use a different fork as a big problem. I think to kick up a fuss, make sarcastic comments and ignoring me at times just because they were asked to do something as simple as using a different fork, in my home, is wrong actually.

You were being completely reasonable and the fact they were using forks that they’d been eating off to help themselves to your food is doubly disgusting. It’s not difficult to use a separate spoon for each dish.

Their behaviour was appalling

That's bad manners/gross even without the veggie/vegan issue.

Don't share dishes with these people.

Better still, meet in a restaurant (not tapas!).

Way to suck the fun out of an occasion. You were being pointlessly awkward. "Look at me. I'm a vegan". Nobody gives a shit.

I've noticed that one of my family, who is a vegetarian, puts most of her food on her plate, then says, does anyone want to try this last bit before I take it? So she never risks a fork with meat going in.

To help people understand - imagine you are in China and sharing dishes and some of them contain dog. Are you ok with the same spoons being used across the dishes so you might be eating a bit of dog meat or juices?

(I know some people wouldn’t care about this either but it might help a few people understand how a veggie/vegan feels about utensil sharing)

Would it be taking the fun out of the occasion if someone asked you to take your shoes off when you visited? Serious question

I'd be fine with separate utensils, but I can imagine certain people in my family would make a fuss (my dad and younger brother wouldn't let it pass). I'd forget about it, you made your point, some people are more understanding than others.

Yes or cat or rat or horse

Next time you pay OP, only order vegan food. They don’t deserve to have their preferences respected.

I was going to suggest something like this, put as much on your plate as you are likely to eat then if they contaminate the remainder it’s not as bad. Selfish twats though. If it was me I would have to say I’m not sharing this time and keep it guarded!

Where’s the smugness with ‘please use a different spoon’?
There’s no lecturing or smugness, just a simple request.

DH is vegetarian and I am rigorous about using separate utensils. For a start it is a moral thing and i repsect that. But also, he has not eaten meat for so long that it is likely if he had any he would suffer consequences in his digestion. The last time he accidentally ate meat was more than 10 years ago when my mother thought chicken stock didn't count. He was not very well.

At the end of the day it's about respect. If anyone does not understand that then they should not expect to eat with you or be welcome at your table

Oh dear. Someone is desperate for attention tonight. Embarrassing.

All the posters on this thread that think it’s okay to put a fork in their mouth then put it in shared food 🤮

In all honesty it’s a bit grim people are using their own forks in communal dishes! I’m veggie and no one has ever had a problem using different utensils but i haven’t ever had to ask as it’s just common curtesy! Also as standard i’ve found people try mine last as they don’t want me not to have enough if they have all tried it and i cant try theirs. Again i don’t specially ask for this its just people being respectful

Regardless, it’s good behaviour to use the serving utensils for each dish and not mix them about amongst dishes.

Next time OP, can you put meat dishes on one counter and vegan on another table with space between. Just wonder if this would disincentive them a bit by requiring them to carry serving utensils about. Though if they’re double dipping with eating forks it won’t help.

YANBU
I mean, when we get a takeaway we serve it up each with its own spoon and people help themselves onto their plate. That way you don't get bits of madras in your korma or whatever. I'd never just stick my fork into a shared dish - yuck!

Who is lecturing you? OP hasn't lectured anyone, she just wants them to stop putting the spoons used for meat dishes into her vegan food. It's just basic courtesy. Why anyone would object is beyond me.

I am not a fan of vegan diets, or lactose free. Unfortunatley I’m now in situation with adult children, relatives, and their partners of gluten free, lactose free, vegan, vegetarian and pescatarian, frankly it’s a pain in arsecto cook and shop for

BUT, I absolutely wouldn’t allow anyone I was hosting reach across with meat contaminated, dairy contaminated etc utensils and put them into the special diet dishes. More importantly none of them would becuase they’re not disrespectful ignoramous people, and they know not to cross contaminate. I have a couple of times over some years, accidentally contaminated when cooking and will always start again and put that in freezer etc for a spare dish for me

its about respect for that person. Even if we don’t agree with their choices always. Or their choices are a pain in the bum.

as someone else suggested, either refuse to share your own dishes (assuming they’ve not ordered vegan sides etc you want to try) or decant some of yours into a smaller sharing bowl

frankly, if they’re sticking their used forks direct into the dishes then that’s not nice either, unless you are very close to them 😬

I eat meat and I wouldn’t have any issue with this.
I would have an issue with someone’s dirty used fork going in my dinner though. Who even does that? Fucking mingers.
Anyway I don’t have this problem because I never ever share food. Can’t stand it. My food is mine. Hands off

God, people are so weird about this sometimes. OP just wanted to relax and enjoy her takeaway. She didn't even veto people trying her food, just asked them to use separate utensils. No argument about it making no difference to the animal if she gets a trace of meat in her dhal is going to persuade her that it's not wildly off-putting. She's not lecturing anybody.

I don’t know why I’m shocked at the fucking bullshit on this thread directed at someone daring to be vegan.
I’m not even vegetarian and enjoy eating meat and I think these reactions are pathetic.
Calling the OP smug, awkward, fun sponge, precious for not wanting the spoons mixed. Absolute pricks.