AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

[TakeawayRow]

Last weekend we got an Indian takeaway with family who were visiting. Everyone chose their food and I ordered it.

Some people decided they wanted to try others food, everyone was ok with that but I asked that people didn’t use the same utensils for the vegan dishes and meat dishes because I’m vegan and didn’t want meat in my food.

I thought this was a normal, fair and easy request but a couple of my family members started saying I was being over the top and asking what I thought would happen if some meat got in my food. I said I didn’t want to eat meat or animal products, even tiny amount, not that I thought anything would happen. They accused me of ruining the evening. I didn’t. I asked them, they caused a fuss, I explained my reasons and then carried on with the night. Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.

Would you have had an issue with using separate utensils to put some of the vegan food on your plate, would you have seen it as ‘over the top’ or just been courteous and used different utensils with no fuss?

We are seeing this family member again next month. Lucky us. We will likely get a takeaway again and I’m thinking of just saying hands off and no one can try mine. 😬

I can’t believe that you’re doubting whether asking for separate utensils is out of order!

Totally agree. Most of us don't want to start 'preaching' because we just want to get on and enjoy our food like everyone else. However meat eaters frequently become inquisitorial as soon as they discover you are vegan and suddenly you find yourself being forced to justify your choices. When you do you then get accused of 'preaching' because you've answered the questions you didn't want put to you in the first place 😂

I’m vegetarian (mostly vegan at this stage) for over 30 years and I am so sick of this crap. I feel for you OP. Those people are likely people who hate vegans and are always complaining about them.

Is it too much to ask to not have some comment/dig when eating a meal. I just want to eat my meals in peace - I never comment on other people’s food - it’s highly disrespectful.

i wouldn’t share. You can’t eat anyone else’s food, so you will be left with the smallest portion if anyone takes a bit of yours. I wouldn’t care if people thought I was being anti-social. So so tired of it all.

I’m a vegan, but even if you were all meat eaters, I’d consider it rude to use the same utensils in different dishes. Some people might not want to mix them all.

It’s totally normal not to use meaty serving spoons for veggie food. Your family were disrespectful.

I have a lot of veggie friends and family and we even have a separate little bbq to do veg stuff on.

Jeez, you do like to make up your own narrative don't you? @ClayPotaLot

Bless them. Bunch of ignorant morons. Of course it's a normal thing not to mess with veg/vegan food. Tell them off and not to touch when you see them again.

So, you decided to be tiresome online instead. Sensible.

You were not remotely unreasonable.
im vegan, my husband is not. If he makes a cuppa he knows to stir mine before his so he doesn’t put cows milk in mine. It’s very basic, it costs nothing and there’s no reason to react the way they did.
other than guilt .

It would normally be considered poor form if people use their personal eating fork to take from a shared buffet style selection regardless if it was a vegan concern or not.

as long as there was a serving utensil for each dish on offer, then I don’t see why a personal used fork should be near the self serve area to begin with 🤷‍♀️

😅 manky pasteurised! Jfc

but essentially it’s in you head

@Peony1985 what does this mean?

I'm a vegan, please can you explain what you mean?

As a veggie this drives me mad. I’m not going to get struck down by lightining but I’ve made a choice. I don’t impose it. I just ask for respect. It’s exhausting.

people started using their own forks going from one to another

Hold on ... surely this is utterly unacceptable on simple hygiene grounds regardless of the vegan / meat issue? 🤢🤢🤢

I'm still on your side op, it's simple courtesy, and costs nothing, to use separate utensils for the vegan dishes.

On the subject of only ordering vegan dishes in future - that would bother me. I'd think it was rude and rather dictatorial. I'd probably order myself some spare ribs - but I'd be happy to keep them away from your food 😀

No one’s lecturing you - they are asking politely to respect them. It’s not that difficult. Why people think it’s acceptable to bully veggie and vegans for making an ethical choice - which they don’t have the strength to do - is beyond me.

We get Indian a lot, we eat meat. We always use separate utensils to serve. So weird to hear people don't, especially with vegan food especially as you asked politely and especially considering it's your own family!

She didn't people wanted to try her food and she just asked them not to stick their meaty forks in

And what if allergies / religious beliefs were also involved? I am vegetarian, I don't ever try to 'impose' it on anyone else, I have never lectured anyone or been 'smug', & would even serve meat dishes to certain visitors, but do ask for separate utensils to be used. If they were aware of the OPs choice then they are being totally UR. (and the ones who poke a knife into the condiments, eg mustard etc, after using them on a 'corpse', are also totally UR). Luckily NONE of my friends or family think I am being 'precious', and respect my choices.

You’re the one who posited the idea it would affect someone’s emotional wellbeing. If you have a different narrative for that, go ahead and explain it.

Not tiresome to you, it would seem, since you keep responding trying to twist what I’ve said. I assume it’s amusing you to some extent. If not you could probably do with a screen detox and learn how to just scroll on by.

No twisting is required. The things you’re saying are just so patently stupid that you have to claim you haven’t said them.

learn how to just scroll on by

The irony. 😂

“He who pays the piper picks the tune”. I think you were well within your rights to make the request you did. Sounds like some of the people present may have form for acting obnoxiously. If so, I imagine they would have found something, ANYTHING, to act obnoxiously about regardless. I’ve been a vegetarian for 26 years or so. Many of my family have dipped in and out of vegetarianism/veganism over the decades, so perhaps have a greater respect for the “rules” than the general public. Even my meat/dairy eating family and friends have shown great respect over the years for alternative diets. That said, sometimes “these things happen”…but certainly not maliciously in my experience. As you were the host, guests should have shown particular respect to your request. In other settings, I personally wouldn’t get too upset by it. However, as I say, seems like these particular people were being unnecessarily obtuse. X

Presumably yours was the only vegan dish. It would have been rude for anyone else to try it as you only had the one dish you could eat.

Some meat eaters always bang on about vegans 'lecturing' them.

In my 53 years i have never been lectured by a vegan and I certainly know plenty.

DH is vegetarian and it's perfectly straightforward to use separate utensils. It's an issue of basic respect.

I'm not the one suggesting the discussion is tiresome on here. I'm happy to defend what I've said.

I am still unsure what you are referring to when you claim I have denied something I've said. You seemed to be referring to it in your 18:30 post, when you quoted me saying I haven't said I would double dip if I wasn't explicitly asked not to. but then you quoted me talking about the cost OP was putting on her guests (her guests, not me) and nothing to do with me saying that I would have to be asked. I assumed you got yourself confused.

If it's something else, please do enlighten me.

The whole argument about double dipping is a bit off topic, though, since OP, according to her post, didn't object to the double dipping as such, only the potential contamination of vegan food from utensil's that had been in meat dishes. If the spoons used to serve were swapped around there wouldn't be any double dipping and OP would still be upset. (And before you try to claim otherwise - no I wouldn't contaminate the vegan food with food from meat dishes if I realised it was an issue, even without being explicitly asked).