AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

[TakeawayRow]

Last weekend we got an Indian takeaway with family who were visiting. Everyone chose their food and I ordered it.

Some people decided they wanted to try others food, everyone was ok with that but I asked that people didn’t use the same utensils for the vegan dishes and meat dishes because I’m vegan and didn’t want meat in my food.

I thought this was a normal, fair and easy request but a couple of my family members started saying I was being over the top and asking what I thought would happen if some meat got in my food. I said I didn’t want to eat meat or animal products, even tiny amount, not that I thought anything would happen. They accused me of ruining the evening. I didn’t. I asked them, they caused a fuss, I explained my reasons and then carried on with the night. Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.

Would you have had an issue with using separate utensils to put some of the vegan food on your plate, would you have seen it as ‘over the top’ or just been courteous and used different utensils with no fuss?

We are seeing this family member again next month. Lucky us. We will likely get a takeaway again and I’m thinking of just saying hands off and no one can try mine. 😬

I have told this story before, but when we lived overseas we had a housemaid. We invited her mother to stay and I asked her what dishes she liked to cook from her culture. She said, "well I do a good dog."

I was pretty shocked, tbh. I didn't imagine having someone who eats dogs in my life. Which is of course, very hypocritical. This planted a seed which ended up with us switching to a plant based diet a couple of years later.

Back to your story, OP and a question for those who think YWBU:

If someone was eating a dog dish with a fork, would you be happy for them to put their fork in your non-dog dish?

When they took food from your plate, was this one person? Several persons? And you immediately told them to use the spoon provided? Then that chapter should be closed. Next time just tell them from the start of the meal.

That’s what she said OP
there may have been others there that were veggies or vegans that didn’t make a fuss about the utensils in their food.

I felt a visceral revulsion at that.

Which is what vegetarians/vegan no doubt feel.

I have family members who don't eat certain foods due to religious reasons. They used to before becoming more involved with their religion. That's how they feel when offered ham or shellfish, despite eating them 20 years ago happily. I genuinely don't see the difference between honouring a person's beliefs due to religion and honouring them due to ethics. I never have seen the difference tbh.

OP said:

'Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.'

This behaviour was in OP's own home where she had paid for everyone's take away food. Why on earth would that chapter be closed when they continued to needle and insult OP all evening even after they had finished eating?

My solution would be for OP to never allow these people in her home again. Unfortunately, OP is nicer than me and will be hosing these people again soon. She certainly shouldn't pay for their food ever again. They are rude, ungrateful and utterly ignorant.

I'm a carnivore. In no way would I think it acceptable to put my utensils in your vegan meal. Your family member is being VERY unreasonable.

Well, I'd be more concerned about their saliva getting on my food..! Just don't share, full stop. You can't eat their food so it isn't fair for you to share anyway. Not sure why you're socialising with them again, they sound like selfish, ignorant aholes.

Because you have to use a clean spoon? Really? You are the one who is precious I’m afraid.

Those members of your family were out of order and the other guests were just as bad letting them get away with such shitty behaviour.

I have the maturity to understand that veganism is a dietary preference, and that it's simply not that serious.
There's a lot more important things happening in the world than, "Oh dear, Helen might be upset because Jane accidentally used the wrong tongs to touch her salad leaf!"
If ever there was a first world problem, that would be it.

@zingally it is perfectly safe for you to ingest cat food, in the small quantities that might cling to a utensil. By your own rationale you would be perfectly ok with your host scraping out the contents of a packet of whiskas and then using that spoon to serve your beef Bourguignon onto your plate.

After all there are a lot more important things happening in the world.

If something is so trivial and unimportant in your eyes but it really matters to someone else and it requires fuck all effort from you, why on earth wouldn't you do it?

Thats what I don't understand.

There's lots of stuff i don't give a shit about but matters to people I care about, so I do it. Because how they feel matters to me and i am in no way harmed or disadvantaged by doing it.

I doubt very much that you have any kind of maturity 🤷‍♀️

Totally reasonable request, they are being very ignorant if they didn’t comply.

Totally agree, and that’s a very good point about the meat eaters picking at your food when you can’t eat theirs!
why do they even want to try vegan food anyway, if they’re so annoyed and repulsed by veganism?!

Odd link but okay...
Honestly, some people will go to no end of obscure places in order to cling to their moral high ground! 😆
Good luck to you in life, that's all I can say really!

Over and out.

Maybe not, but we don't know each other, so who cares? All the best to you.

I'm not sure why you would be seeing them again, certainly so soon? Whoever they are.. They jumped at the chance to decide to take offence to you all night for absolutely nothing, so they clearly don't give a bean about you. Fuck them. Pathetic twats.

Some of replies are ludicrous
The Op is vegan not only are her guests all helping themselvs to the only dish she can eat
But they cant even be bothered to use a meat free spoon
It may not be important to them but it is to the Op
Surely its not hard to respect somone elses principles?

Of course she won't be trying their food if she is vegan and they eat meat!

It’s like talking to a bowl of porridge.

Yes. It is a first world issue, but why can't you respect someone else's dietary preferences without thinking they are being precious or ridiculous? Respect and consideration cost nothing.

Does having to use a separate spoon for dishing up render you incapable of thinking about all the much more important things in the world? Is it that stressful and mentally draining?

If so, I suggest you see a doctor to make sure it isn’t symptomatic of a more serious underlying problem.

Personally, i think you’re being overly understanding by letting your family share your takeaway. They have not ordered something that you can eat, and then have the expectation that they can eat your food!

Certainly, if someone stuck their meaty fork into a vegan takeaway, they would know they had done wrong, as the entire dish would then be poured on their plate - as they have made the entire dish inedible for me!

The easiest solution is that if people want to share, they all have to order vegan. If they order meat, they can’t have any of the vegan dishes (and ideally, they can go and eat the food elsewhere!)

Veganism is not a dietary preference - it is a series of beliefs that is protected in the same way as any other belief system.

Would you have the same response to a Jewish person objecting to food being cooked alongside pork? Or a Hindu objecting to being fed beef (in however small portions).