Was this neighbour "entitled to say what he wants in his own garden?"

[MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes]

My friend shared a funny story this morning.

Her garden ends in a six foot fence, which backs onto another garden for the house behind her. They are large, very long gardens.

The man of this house, clearly thinking he had found a secluded spot away from his kids, was having a VERY explicit conversation with his wife on the phone, at the end of his garden, right against the fence. He was describing in great detail exactly what he was going to do to her when she returned home from her trip.

Trouble is, friend and her kids were sat right on the other side of the fence. They have a decking area there with chairs, tables, kids toys etc.

She couldn't let this conversation go on in earshot of her kids (3yo and 5yo) so she cheerfully shouted over the fence "very happy for your wife mate, but my kids are two feet away from you!" To which she heard a fumbled "shit, hold on" and then silence.

She reiterated this story to us, we all laughed, and agreed she did the right thing.

Retold story to husband just now who laughed, but said really, she had no right to tell him anything and embarrass him. It's his garden, he can have that conversation if he wants, and she should have moved the kids away until it stopped.

I disagree and think if you're going to live around other people you need to think of other people.

Who's right?
Reasonable - me and my friends
unreasonable - my DH

Well damn. Very happy for this random woman 🥂

Excellent post, sums it all up nicely! It’s not about what the neighbour has the ‘right’ to do, but whether it was the right decision for the friend to say something.

It never cease to amaze me what trivial questions people ask on this forum

This is neither a statutory nuisance nor hate speech (assuming this “incident” was in England and/or Wales)

Hard one coz both are kinda right. The guy thought he was having a private convo with his wife and the friend and children also have right to enjoy their home inc gardens. However, I think hubby is right to say on this occasion, friend should have just moved and not embarrassed the guy on his property. Was likely a one off and everyone has to keep living next to each other

😂

It is quite possible that he thought that as he was on his own property he didn't have to skulk away. FWIWI'm with him. As soon as the conversation got ssly she should have removed the kids. Then, later, explained to him the she could hear him.
Neither are in the wrong, really.

Actually, ignore my previous reply! I see it’s actually a fairly large garden. My point kind of still stands, because it’s probably still difficult to keep seating areas away from boundaries unless you have acres of land, but whatever…

She has the right to announce there are children present, he has the right to talk about whatever he wants in his own garden 🤷🏼‍♀️

I can’t get over the woman’s dh who thinks his neighbour can say whatever he wants in his own garden but his wife can’t while out there with his kids playing. Could it be because one of them isn’t a man?

I think he may get a kick about being overly loud about his wonderful sexual.prowess. Likes to broadcast the fact to the world.

He can obviously say what he wants in his own garden. But you had every right to ask him to lower his voice. I dont think young childten should haveel to listen to to idiot tossers like him

Best thing I've seen on mumsnet! Poor fella, trying to do his best getting as far away from his kids and forgets about the neighbours! Like a dirty Frank Spencer 😂

🤣🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣

I don’t see the issue. What this woman did is the equivalent of someone telling you that your skirt is in your underpants when leaving the bathroom. Yes, people can say and do what they want but if someone is unknowingly doing something socially inappropriate, then it is the polite thing to let them know.

Yeah, when you saw them, you could have been like "Oh, nice to see you're back from your trip. It's always such a relief to get back to sitting at your own table again, isn't it!"

And it never ceases to amaze me that some people don't realise others enjoy talking online and just want to share something funny!

She made light of it and wasn’t condemning/ critical. I think most people would want to know of a conversation could be overheard. Public decency and consideration don’t fly out of the window just because your sat behind a bot if hedge - I’m certain people would view it differently if it was racist, homophobic or similar abuse. The strange one is your husband who evidently isn’t remotely concerned at the thought if young children hearing a highly sexualised and very inappropriate conversation. Red flag.

She did the right thing. He obviously didn't want his conversation overheard, so not saying anything would have allowed him to keep doing something he'd be embarrassed about! Plus, I wouldn't be surprised if he progressed to enjoying himself in more ways than just verbal...which would NOT be okay with kids around. Her husband is definitely being unreasonable!

I’m a bit on the fence about this 😂😂😂

😂😂😂👍, thanks for sharing

This is such a classic MN thread. The OP tells a funny story where everyone behaved perfectly sensibly and reasonably (I think your friend judged it perfectly with her comment). The OP's husband however was unreasonable in expecting the woman to do all the work of moving the kids.

Then we move to the comments. All start reasonable and agreeing with the OP then slowly the crazy folk move it and there are accusations of unreasonableness because of the layout of your friend's garden. FWIW, I think many if not most people with east or north facing gardens have a patio at the end of the garden to catch the evening sun. All our neighbours do and it's nice because garden noise is a bit further away from the houses in the evenings.

Then the poor man on the phone is accused of cheating on his wife despite the OP repeatedly saying that's not what was going on at all. Clearly these people need to RTFT.

Finally we get people starting to offer legal advice on the situation. Except they are all talking about 'yards' and 'neighbors' so obviously using US based AI to generate an answer.

The neighbour can say what he wants in his garden AND your kids have a right not to hear stuff.

Both can be true - it’s a balance.

In this case your friend was reasonable to call over. And the neighbour was clearly also fine with that as he moved away.

What about racism or homophobia? Can people sit in the garden expressing these views loudly?