Was this neighbour "entitled to say what he wants in his own garden?"

[MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes]

My friend shared a funny story this morning.

Her garden ends in a six foot fence, which backs onto another garden for the house behind her. They are large, very long gardens.

The man of this house, clearly thinking he had found a secluded spot away from his kids, was having a VERY explicit conversation with his wife on the phone, at the end of his garden, right against the fence. He was describing in great detail exactly what he was going to do to her when she returned home from her trip.

Trouble is, friend and her kids were sat right on the other side of the fence. They have a decking area there with chairs, tables, kids toys etc.

She couldn't let this conversation go on in earshot of her kids (3yo and 5yo) so she cheerfully shouted over the fence "very happy for your wife mate, but my kids are two feet away from you!" To which she heard a fumbled "shit, hold on" and then silence.

She reiterated this story to us, we all laughed, and agreed she did the right thing.

Retold story to husband just now who laughed, but said really, she had no right to tell him anything and embarrass him. It's his garden, he can have that conversation if he wants, and she should have moved the kids away until it stopped.

I disagree and think if you're going to live around other people you need to think of other people.

Who's right?
Reasonable - me and my friends
unreasonable - my DH

You can’t “say whatever you want” in your own garden if people can hear you. Legally it can be considered a public order offence if you use language likely to cause alarm or distress to others within earshot, even if you are on private property at the time.

I find it hard to believe he couldn’t hear there were children close by. I can hear the kids that live 2/3/4 houses away playing in the garden.

I was once in the garden complaining to DH that our recycling bag was missing for the second week on the run and I’d noticed next door had one that I hadn’t seen previously, all of a sudden a recycling bag came flying over the fence with a loud “we’ve got about 5 actually” from next door.

I find it hard to believe he was talking to his wife. Why was he at the end of the garden?

I mean even if it wasn’t his wife.

He was having a conversion with someone on the phone away from his children. Be that wife, sex worker, his brother’s wife maybe his best mate Samual.

He was free to carry on his conversation if he wanted had he thought it was OK for neighbours and children to hear.

It's not like your friend was unpleasant or forcibly gagged him (although that sounds up his alley 😂).

I think it was sensible (and neighbourly if anything) to let him know he was loud enough to be overheard.

Tbf I'd be a bit worried if I were your friend, some people deliberately like/try to be heard, maybe he thought she was on her own. I feel like if you do something where people can hear, then you have to respect that they might also say something.

Yeah... we sure that was his wife he was sneaking to the bottom of the garden to call?

It’s a bit of a stretch to think the woman was there with a 5 and a 3 year old, yet she was the only one who could be heard?

Yes. He was saying he can't wait until she's "home" and that he's going to tie her to the table, presumably the one in their house. He went as far away from where his kids were as possible. That's why he went to the back of the garden. Not everything is an affair. Some people do have kinky sex with their spouse.

Yeah agree… tbh it sounds a bit performative to me and “look at our exotic sex life”. He was trying to make a point to someone, whether it was you or his wife I’m not sure. Or he gets a kick out of it.

Having a highly explicit conversation in a garden when children are a few yards away is a bit like having it at a busy railway station or at the beach. Yes technically its none of anyone’s business but you’d be daft to think people can’t hear you!

Tell your husband ‘f*ck the patriarchy’ Sheesh, men don’t half stick together?

The sound of the neighbours voice didn’t stay in his garden so HE made it everyone else’s business. Calling the neighbour out was the right thing to do. I’m guessing if he was hiding at the end of his garden, it wasn’t his wife he was talking to so he deserved it. It can’t have been- his wife she would’ve been more concerned by why he wasn’t watching the kids properly

I think it depends. In this instance he didn't know kids were in earshot so yes he is entitled to do or say whatever he wants. However if he knows children can see or hear him then indulging in sexual talk or acts or nudity or whatever is entering sex offender territory.
He was told and stopped, correct. Had he continued after he was told, then he is disgusting.

My thoughts exactly! I was just reading the comments and waiting for this!

If he had to go to the bottom of the garden (away from his house) to have phone sex with his 'wife', am I the only one thinking ... its probably not his wife?

To be fair she could have just spoken loudly to her kids or started saying anything really loudly instead of embarrassing him and what she said would have raised more questions. I think it was a bit dickish of her

Yes, you're the only one thinking of it. No one has mentioned it at all and it definitely hasn't been explained that it definitely was his wife twice now
Very original 🙄🙄🙄

Tbh you could have walked to the fence talking a bit louder so he could of heard you, or even popped a ball over the fence and just saying sorry can we have our ball back, or even just politely tapping on the fence and say its none of my business but we can all hear your conversation and my kids can hear you too. I think these might have been better then shouting out so the neighbourhood can hear. Your not a bad person but i think that might have embarrassing for you all. If not pop round and explain the situation to him.

I don't think your friend was unreasonable but maybe she could have made some noise or something rather than speaking to him about it.

Spoke to the kids loudly or something. ⁹

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I think your friend was right to make it known that she could hear him, obviously he didn’t want to be heard if he then left the area!

I probably would have said something to the kids loudly to alert him of our presence, but that’s just my personality, I don’t think there is anything wrong with addressing him directly. Although the whole neighbourhood would already know if my (neurodivergent) kids were outside, so building sandcastles quietly sounds like a dream 😅

Worst case he could have said “fuck off, I’m in my own garden” and carried on, and in that case I probably would just go to a different part of the garden if it was a one-off or escalate if it was a frequent occurrence.

That was my immediate thought. He was talking to the OW. His wife was probably in the house getting the dinner on.

And no, intimate conversations are not okay if they can be overheard by anyone. Same goes for foul language.

He is perfectly entitled to have a wank in his living room, but if he does it standing in the bay window in full view of the queue at the bus stop that's a no.

Same for explicit sexual conversations within earshot of his neighbours. I imagine the possibility of being overheard is part of why he was talking in the garden anyway.

I might have been tempted to put an annoying kid’s song on high volume, Baby Shark or something.

I can understand why she did this but personally I think he had/has the right to say what he wants in his own garden and if it was a problem for the neighbour because of her children then she should move her children away until the problem was no longer there. Just as he has the right to, say, swear at the bottom of his garden. If it’s your kids you want to protect from that, surely it’s up to you to move them away? What am I missing?!

I think it’s fair enough she told him. He then had the choice to carry on or not. If he chose to carry on then your friend would have had to consider if she wanted to move away from the fence. He obviously didn’t want others to hear as he moved.

i mean it would have been worse to sit there earwigging and not say anything!