Was this neighbour "entitled to say what he wants in his own garden?"

[MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes]

My friend shared a funny story this morning.

Her garden ends in a six foot fence, which backs onto another garden for the house behind her. They are large, very long gardens.

The man of this house, clearly thinking he had found a secluded spot away from his kids, was having a VERY explicit conversation with his wife on the phone, at the end of his garden, right against the fence. He was describing in great detail exactly what he was going to do to her when she returned home from her trip.

Trouble is, friend and her kids were sat right on the other side of the fence. They have a decking area there with chairs, tables, kids toys etc.

She couldn't let this conversation go on in earshot of her kids (3yo and 5yo) so she cheerfully shouted over the fence "very happy for your wife mate, but my kids are two feet away from you!" To which she heard a fumbled "shit, hold on" and then silence.

She reiterated this story to us, we all laughed, and agreed she did the right thing.

Retold story to husband just now who laughed, but said really, she had no right to tell him anything and embarrass him. It's his garden, he can have that conversation if he wants, and she should have moved the kids away until it stopped.

I disagree and think if you're going to live around other people you need to think of other people.

Who's right?
Reasonable - me and my friends
unreasonable - my DH

No, it wasn't like that. She said he was already mid convo as he left his house as she heard him approach the back of the house, already on the phone. His kids had most likely been involved in the first part of the convo, saying hello to mummy or whatever, and he had wondered away to the back of his garden, away from his kids, to carry on the rest of it, which was dirty.
Good intentions but clearly too horny to think about who might be on the other side of his fence 🤣

YANBU. His garden yes, but if people can hear or see, then that’s inappropriate. And if he knew you and others could hear, and carried on, I’d say that’s perverted and he would be getting a kick out of it.

Surely no wife would want their exploits overhead by the neighbours.

Bork!

I vote his garden, he can say what he wants. If you don't want your kids overhearing, move the kids. But sounds like all was sorted when your friend gave him a heads up so don't see the issue, he chose to stop which is good of him, so don't see the issue.

😆 🤣

I don't think I'd have said anything but have coughed to let them know I was there. Heh. 😅YANBU though.

Her response was perfect! 🤣 🤣🤣

You think he would have heard the kids but was obviously distracted 😂Your friend did the right thing. Dh is a military man and is often away and we have some interesting convos as it’s all we have got sometimes but I don’t need anyone else to hear!

I think you were wrong saying something to him, but could have said something to your kids loudly enough so he could hear that you were there “lovely day today isnt it kids?”

I don’t think I could have moved my kids away quietly enough that they wouldn’t of interrupted him anyway. So it’s better for her to speak up.

I was in my back garden (terraced town house) enjoying doing some Pilates in the sun, gentle music playing quietly.

Heard someone start the shower in the house next door, window was open because it was very hot.

Students living there, all guys.

This one started to enjoy some self pleasure in the shower, and very quickly gave himself a happy ending.

It took me a couple of minutes to tune in to and process the weird noise I could hear, so had no time to get out of earshot.
😳

Your friend definitely made the right call to tell her NDN she could hear him.

Yeah for us I'd have had to have spoken quite loudly anyway to get them to stop what they were doing, and then there's be the argument that they don't WANT to move for no real reason when they're enjoying their activity etc etc.

It's have been just as obvious to the neighbour we could hear and then everyone is disrupted.

People forget when they're in their own garden, that they're not surrounded by a sound proof force field, and that others can hear them!!!

The neighbour behind us, her garden runs along side of the back of ours. She's extremely noisy, constantly in the garden smoking, whilst talking to her friends loudly on hands free! The times, I have been hanging washing out, and have heard an in-depth conversation with her mate about her lousy ex or why she won't give a bloke a blow job unless he goes down on her etc etc!!! You get the picture here!! Thankfully she's moved out, and we no longer have to deal with her 😁

Of course people can say what they like in their own garden, but it still means they need to be considerate and mindful of others! Unless someone lives in a house, with several acres, then they don't need to worry too much.

I'd have tended to shout very loudly at one of the kids or dog or cough or whatever ,the second l heard anything inappropriate for kids to hear. I wouldn't have embarrassed the man by letting him know you heard it and saying very happy for your wife etc. he wasn't actually doing anything wrong and he did move away or go quiet straightaway.

I love this 😄😄

Your friend should’ve moved away if she needed to. The neighbour shouldn’t have been embarrassed like this.

Of course you should be mindful of others, thats just neighbourly.

Fair enough to let him know you could hear him - but more to save him further embarrassment than anything else. It's one of those situations where you're not unreasonable to say something, but if he'd said 'Sorry, but I'm not going to censor my conversation in my own garden' he, equally, wouldn't have been unreasonable.

I disagree and think if you're going to live around other people you need to think of other people

Up to a point, but I don't think adults should have to refrain from having adult conversations in their own gardens just because their neighbours have kids. Any more than you should have to silence your children just because your neighbours find them annoying.

You can use it as much as you want, but if you do, you can't complain if you overhear something you don't like.

So where do you draw the line? Is watching loud porn or holding a hitler rally ok?

Equally, the neighbours don't get to be mortified if they're having a conversation against someone else's boundary and it's overheard.

I could be at the top of my garden, which doesn't back onto anything, gardening, and overhear next door if they've gone to the other end.

You don't have private conversations where they can be overheard and then get to be embarrassed that someone did hear.

Yes he has the right to say what he wants in his own garden but he would also probably rather not have anyone listening in when he wasn’t aware, so it was right to let him know.

I’d have coughed loudly and talked loudly to my kids.

This.
She could have just moved elsewhere in the very large, very long garden.
Why would you place the toddler’s play area so far from the house, anyway?

I'm on the fence with this one

Well the neighbour isnt allowed to use it for what he wants, seems only fair they cant' either.