Was this neighbour "entitled to say what he wants in his own garden?"

[MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes]

My friend shared a funny story this morning.

Her garden ends in a six foot fence, which backs onto another garden for the house behind her. They are large, very long gardens.

The man of this house, clearly thinking he had found a secluded spot away from his kids, was having a VERY explicit conversation with his wife on the phone, at the end of his garden, right against the fence. He was describing in great detail exactly what he was going to do to her when she returned home from her trip.

Trouble is, friend and her kids were sat right on the other side of the fence. They have a decking area there with chairs, tables, kids toys etc.

She couldn't let this conversation go on in earshot of her kids (3yo and 5yo) so she cheerfully shouted over the fence "very happy for your wife mate, but my kids are two feet away from you!" To which she heard a fumbled "shit, hold on" and then silence.

She reiterated this story to us, we all laughed, and agreed she did the right thing.

Retold story to husband just now who laughed, but said really, she had no right to tell him anything and embarrass him. It's his garden, he can have that conversation if he wants, and she should have moved the kids away until it stopped.

I disagree and think if you're going to live around other people you need to think of other people.

Who's right?
Reasonable - me and my friends
unreasonable - my DH

I think hes allowed to talk dirty in his own garden.
Shes allowed to warn him he can be heard.
Hes free to choose to carry on or move away.
Shes free to stay there or move away.
Textbook human interaction- everyone was right and no one was wrong.

His kids were home. He had gone right to the end of his long garden to avoid being heard by them.
The irony 🤣

He has the right to do it, but was quite rightly embarrassed and stopped!

I don't understand your husband's point; it seems like he's conflating legal rights with personal social decision-making.

Your friend didn't leap over the fence and seize his phone or attempt a citizen's arrest or call the police and report a crime, she called out to her neighbour and let him know she and her children could hear a conversation that he'd evidently gone to some lengths to have privately (but misjudged the level of privacy he'd actually found). Her calling out to him was the "neighbourly" and community/civic-minded thing to do under the circumstances. Had the neighbour felt strongly that he wanted to continue the conversation regardless of who could here he was perfectly able, but he didn't.

Could it really be "better" (and for whom) for your friend and the children to listen in silence, afraid to speak up or constrained from speaking up? Would the neighbour really be happier if he discovered tomorrow that several other people had heard his private conversation and said nothing?

So his own children didnt hear him talking to his wife who was on a trip, the op says

Don't you wish all conversations went that way?

He wasn't doing anything wrong
She warned him about little kids
he stopped immediately

No argument no drama

Him stopping suddenly shows why she was correct to tell him - he would obviously have been mortified if he had realised later somehow. I am amazed you can have 2 little kids so silent the neighbour doesn't realise they're there 😂

I'd have told the kids to run in on an errand for me and I'd have carried on listening

He obviously didn't want to be overheard and mustn't have realised your mate and kids were there. I guess people assume others gardens are the same as theirs. So he might have decking/kids stuff close to the house.

I'm sure he won't do it again. And yeah she really had no choice but to say something. Else they could've heard him, erm, you know. 😕

I am amazed you can have 2 little kids so silent the neighbour doesn't realise they're there 😂

I don't think the entire "incident" went on for as long as people are imagining

He is, but its neighbourly to have let him know that he didn't have the privacy he might have imagined. As long as it was said in a non aggressive way, I think its fine. Moving the kids out of earshot would also have been fine. No big deal either way. Just the stuff that happens when we live close to other people.

Ypu realise not everybody has a garden with different ‘parts’ they can move to? Or enough space to not have decking or seating areas near the edge? Pretty much all of my garden is near the edge as it’s small. Lots of people have gardens like that.

😂😂

I don't think he was necessarily doing anything wrong - but assuming he's not some kind of pervert who wanted to be overheard, he selected what he thought was a private spot and was probably horrified/embarrassed but ultimately pleased you didn't just let him carry on when you could hear every word. So I would say not unreasonable of you to tell him!

Well, if I’d have heard his conversation and didn’t have children close by I wouldn’t have alerted him……….but I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face whenever I saw him and his wife 😂😂😂

I would have just moved them away.
What a strange set up she has anyway. If she has a very long, large garden, why set up the decking and chairs right next to the neighbours garden?
I've never seen a set up like that, decking usually comes from the back of your own house.

The OP says it is a large, very long garden.

You put it wherever you get the most sun, my friend only gets the sun at the end of her garden (surrounded by other gardens) so she has a patio and pergola there.

That's where the sun is

Surely he’d be a bit embarrassed to continue when he knew other people could hear so the point about whether he “can” is moot? It would be really creepy if he wanted to carry on in earshot of others, kids or not!

On what basis did the police come out? You’d think they were too busy for this sort of nonsense

Also, not everyone's home is set up so that their property opens up straight onto their garden. My sister lives in maisonette. The front garden belongs to downstairs, the back garden is hers. Obviously because she is upstairs, the property doesn't open up onto the garden, she has to go downstairs and down a sort of corridor/lane thing to access the back. Her NDN have a decking area in the rear corner of their garden and she is considering something similar

Our patio is such that we either sit against the wall between the garden of the adjoining house or the fence of the neighbour on the other side.

Shall I not use it, in case they want to have an explicit conversation?

Haha. Brilliant comment! ⭐️ ⭐ ⭐️ ⭐ ⭐️

Now there’s a thought !!

I would have popped round for a cup of sugar