To have expected him to have said something?

[poorlytoe]

We had a date night planned as we both thought we needed to spend some quality time together so we bought some wine, agreed on a nice meal to have just us once the little ones had gone to bed which is 7:00.

Anyway about 6:50 just as I was upstairs getting the children ready for bed and looking forward to the evening we had planned, step son turned up baring in mind he is in his 20s and lives a 10 minute walk away, I assumed he wouldn’t stay long as Dh would probably say we had already made plans this evening but Dh said nothing while our plans went down the pan and stepson sat there until 10:15 before going home and all Dh could say was it wasn’t his fault as he didn’t know he was going to turn up.
AIBU to have thought he would have said something as we had plans?
I hadn’t bought enough ingredients for a date night for 3 so I didn’t end up cooking the salmon but Dh did open the wine and pour it 3 ways.

I have given you an answer.

There will always be exceptions where it is in the children's best interests for the parents not to be together.

Spot on

I asked for YOUR belief on a specific scenario.

Spouting crap about exceptions to rules is not a straight answer.

Enjoy your sanctimonious life.

I can't give an exact answer on a made up scenario.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Have a good day, it feels like we are going around in circles again.

And it probably isn't fair to the thread as somebody as pointed out.

Because I pointed out that your false equivalence exposes your fundamental misunderstanding of statistics and logic?

Unfortunately for you, those things are still obvious regardless of what my family situation may or may not be.

Yep it's blended.

Don't bother. I'm not from or in a blended family and she has no concept of how she could possibly be wrong about anything.

It's been some decades since I was in a family of any sort, so your beloved research has let you down on this occasion.

It's not beloved, it's terribly sad.

Let it go. This is getting ludicrous now. You won’t change anyone’s mind and it’s derailing

You've misunderstood how to use the word 'beloved'. English isn't your strong point.

Happy to.

That's fair, it isn't.

Shocking? Negativity? When most of the time he’s allowed to hang round the house as often as he wants, and for as long as he wants? I don’t think so.

He’s ‘alllowed’ - exactly.

It is ‘shocking’ that he wants to spend time with any of them.

The OP clearly thinks he a friendless, dependant man child. Sounds a tad negative tl
me.

Do you think he doesn’t see that? Fuck knows why he wants to keep coming round but people are complex.

Sorry, but do you think any grown adult with their own place has a right to just head over to their parents home and just be there, whenever they like for as long as they like and sod whatever the parents want to do?

I'm "allowed" to go to my parents whenever I want, but if I was preventing them doing their own thing they'd absolutely tell me to sod off. Because they are ALLOWED their own lives. They don't revolve around me.

And the same applies here.

He does sound friendless and dependent, and that's a shame for him. Presumably OP is concerned about him on that score as his dad presumably is too, but it doesn't negate her right to feel frustrated that he's constantly over. I mean, does it sound healthy to you?

It doesn’t sound like ‘concern’.

That's merely your opinion. I'm not seeing anything in OP's posts to suggest she dislikes him - just his constant presence. Not the same thing.

From @coulditbeme2323 posts I think she’s in an unhappy relationship. Tracks with the spending a lot too. It can be okay on the other side, don’t worry!

Please send the links (if they’re real). I am a researcher at UCL and am happy to look at them. And before you say, ‘look them up yourself’, I did and I couldn’t see a definitive peer reviewed research paper that said this.

Could you tell him a white lie that you are going out? Then dim the lights and don't answer the door. If there is a car on the drive, say you're getting a taxi so you can drink. Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Or stick a plague sign on the door perhaps?